Monday, December 26, 2011

My Story, Part One

As promised, we've read every word of every sentence of Your Stories. And we have kept Ma Bell busy with our calling each other and crying over the phone and seriously there's not enough Kleenex in the house for all this excess facial watering. And now, we're sharing your stories...

Aunt Mary, in her infinite, awesome Aunt Mary wisdom, wrote us the other day and said we needed a bigger picture and clue to those posts that will make you wish you had a big handful of tissues in your hand rather than a dirty toddler sock and what might be the remains of a sparrow that the dog just coughed up. Good call, Aunt Mary.

So, we present the Ingrid Warning...because no one -- NO ONE -- cries more beautifully than she does when Humphrey Bogart sends her away. We wish we could cry like that...from now on, we'll classify them as such:

One Ingrid:
gives you the warm fuzzies; if you're Lydia, you might shed a pretty tear or two;
Two Ingrids: gives you that tickle in your nose that happens justbefore you might cry;
Three Ingrids: grab the box, especially if you're wearing mascara;
Four Ingrids: don't bother with the makeup, Lydia is a mess, and Kate is pinching herself to make the funny feeling stop; and...
FIVE Ingrids: embrace the tears, ladies...this is an ugly cry headed your way. Avoid mirrors.

Over the next five days, we'll be bringing you all varieties of Ingrids. Kate, as you know, is the quintessential Queen of the Fives. She's a mean hooker like that. But, these will most definitely hit your happy threes, probably fours. And, if you happen to see your Hookee on this, count on a Level Five Ingrid. might just wanna keep the tissues handy.

We love you all like cake. xoxo Kate and Lydia


Hello Fellow Hookers,
I wanted to write to thank my "Helpful Hooker." I wrote in asking for assistance. In September my not-so-wonderful husband decided that I had thrown myself too much into (his words not mine) "being super mom, a super professional and worrying too much about the house and kids." He has since decided to move in with his girlfriend (whom I'm yet to meet but willing to bet she's young and childless). He later explained that it was all my fault because I was "so worried about the house and kids" and I had "stopped trying and began to bore" him. Cest'la'vie I say! BUT, since he moved out he has yet to help me financially at all.
I am the proud mother of two wonderful boys, one who's 7 and one who's 19months. I explained to my 7 year old that Christmas would be tight this year but he is wonderful and understood 100% even offered to give up some of his toys to give to his little brother. Ok enough of the sob story...
My "Helpful Hooker" has allowed me to purchase a few things that my son wanted. In knowing that it was going to be a tight Christmas he and I went through the catalogs and found cheaper things. Luckily he's a typical 7 year old boy and really doesn't need much as we live in a wonderful neighborhood and he has many friends. A football, an angry birds stuffed animal, and of course he wanted to get his brother "a new toy that's all his." Explaining to my son what you did to help was a wonderful lesson and in turn, he has since cleaned his room and we will be donating toys he no longer uses to local charities. (And HIS ROOM IS CLEAN!!) Thank you ladies!!
My Hooker has allowed me to purchase a few things for my wonderful son but also to remind me, through him, that Christmas is about the people, not the things.
Kate, Lydia - Thank you.

Hi Kate and Lydia-
I am a single mom of four children. My awsomesauce 8 year old son, and my gravity defying 6 year old triplets. (No, no in vitro. Literally "Surprise! You're pregnant! oh and by the way, you will be having three babies at once!" Whuck?!?) Life for us is very fun...and interesting...and hard. All three of my triplets have autism, from low to high functioning. But, whatever. They are the coolest little people on earth. When my ex decided he didn't want to be a husband or a father and ran away to whereabouts unknown right after they were born, I pulled up my big girl panties and said "I can DO this."
Christmas is always pretty stressful here. Trying to keep in the spirit is hard sometimes when you worry about money a lot. This year, I started squirreling away a couple dollars here and there just to be safe. I was doing pretty well in not having to spend it. Though a whole lot of unusual expenses came up---van broke down, extra money needed for therapy, and all of the "stuff" that comes with daily life with four children.
A couple of weeks ago, I was watching my kids play together. In a house dominated by children with autism, this is HUGE progress. To see them so engaged with each other, and my oldest right in the thick of it being his goofy self, it was an awesome sight to behold. UNTIL---slow motion time---he tripped over his sister. Glasses----flying through the air---***SMASH***. On the floor. Itty bitty pieces. It must be told that he, well...he's a total clutz. He trips over his own feet constantly. His little face looked at me with big round eyes as I forced myself to say "It's ok honey, we'll have to go back to the eyeglass place for another pair" while trying not to FREAK RIGHT OUT. After I got them into bed, I just sobbed. It felt like no matter what I do, it just can't seem to work out. Big ugly cry.
The next morning after I got the kids off to school with a note to my oldests teacher that he wouldn't be able to see very well that day with his old prescription on, I cried again. Getting sick of myself, I popped on over to MommyLand for a pick me up. You see, you guys are totally my escape---you make me laugh, cry and feel connected with other mommies. And there it was--a porny sounding experiment. I had to debate with myself for a minute whether to email or not. It's HARD sometimes to ask for help, even when you desperately need it. So I sent you an e-mail "Hi.....really?" I kept it very short, didn't really share any of my story with you, because I knew you would be getting a LOT of emails.
The next few days at my house were crazier than usual, so when I check in with RFML again, I got to see all of the love pouring out from one Hooker to the next. It was making such a difference in everyone's holiday spirits. It was just the best thing ever.

The next day I went to my mailbox to find a padded envelope. Opening it up, there was a Target gift card for me, with the note" Hope this helps your family to have a slightly merrier Christmas! from one mama to another :)".Ugly crying, I look at the address and realize that it traveled from Prince George, British Columbia all the way here to Michigan.
I thank you, Kate and Lydia, for doing this. You have no idea how much you have helped this Hooker who is trying so hard to do the best for her kids. And to my Hooker Erin, from Canada, thank you soooooo much. Santa was a Hooker this year. ;)
Much love to Mommyland,
Stephanie J.


How has the Helping Hookers helped me?
I am a stay at home mom to 4 children (ages 10, 7, 3, 1) and a co-parent to my two nephews who are being raised by my parents next door (ages 7, 5). My husband is a police officer – not a lot of dough coming home. He is also a full time student working on his doctorate. In England. What that means is essentially I am a single parent of about 6 with help from my mom. My husband lives and works stateside. He works swing shifts so when he is home, there is no routine that I can count on him to do. He goes over to England for consults with his professor and for research help. He’ll be leaving in January for about 3 months. We don’t know where the money is going to come from, but God will provide. I will stay home and raise the kids, pay the bills, keep the house and yard, and go to school. Oh, yeah, I’m starting school full time in January. For a myriad of reasons, this is just the cards we’ve been dealt. We’re trying to make the most of it, but usually I feel like I’m pulled in 15 different directions. My temper gets short when kids are asking for help and the baby is crying for something to drink and my nephews (who have their own problems) are needing my attention and the phone rings and I have to sign papers for the kids’ school and I have to get lunches made and I could go on and on and on. It’s frustrating.
For Christmas this year, my children are getting homemade gifts. They’ll each get one store – bought gift. The rest are masks and capes, dry erase boards made from picture frames, a cute Angry Birds bowling set (made from painted soup cans and a painted ball), and a couple other little things. I’ve told them not to expect too much this year. My mom would tell us that from year to year, but we would always get more than we imagined. My little ones are truly going to have a small Christmas. But it will be huge in the amount of love and fun and blessings we’ll have received.
But when I went out to the mailbox and saw this Priority Mail envelope in there, I wasn’t sure what was going on. I thought maybe is was a bill collector serving me a summons or a notification of repo or something along those lines. I never in a million years thought what I would find in there would be anything remotely good. I knew about the Helping Hookers and was so excited that you ladies were doing this. I was thinking that maybe next year I would be able to participate as a Helper. My mom had submitted my name without my knowing. I opened the envelope and saw a Christmas card and a couple packages of stickers. I was thinking, “This is SOOOO totally a scam!” When I read my card, and what my Helping Hooker had written, my breath was taken away! Words cannot describe the wonder and humbleness I felt. To think that someone, a complete random stranger had taken from HER life to add to mine was . . . incredible! I immediately sat down and wrote a thank you note to my angel. I sent it as soon as I had finished. I hope she will see, despite my many errors and mistakes, just how amazing and grateful I am for her. Her monetary gift is wonderful, yes, but it is more that she could give without judging, but with a happy heart!
Thank you, Lydia and Kate, soooooo much for all you do. For sharing your lives with us and giving us glimpses into other peoples’ insanity! This blog is so much more than a blog, and it’s because of YOU!
this anonymous hooker

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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