Saturday, December 10, 2011

To Kate on Her 40th Birthday

Dear Kate,

You are a stupid, smelly pirate hooker. You are also probably the best looking 40 year old who does not live in Los Angeles, so please stop complaining that you haven't been to yoga in a long time.

Ahem. Happy birthday.

I don't know what I'd do without you. There would certainly be no Mommyland. Because even though I thought it would be a good idea, I never thought in a million years anyone would care what I thought or what I felt or would think the stupid things I laugh at are funny.

I just thought I was a fat, useless housewife - exactly like 40 million other people. Nothing special about me at all, except I was failing at everything. Bad at being a parent because I was so exhausted. Bad at being a wife because I was struggling and had nothing left for the Cap'n. Bad at being a person because I felt like schmidt and was overwhelmed and feeling like I was in survival mode all the time, and it was making me selfish.

And you, someone who proclaims loudly that you're a narcissist and self-centered and vain and all these other negative things - you helped me. Your friendship changed my life. You were like: "Shut up, douchebag. Stop whining. You're awesome. Let's a write a blog!"

And all those things you say about yourself? That's really the opposite of the kind of friend you've been to me. We've had ups and downs and one rather memorable Real Housewives type of moment, but I always felt like you were actually doing all of this for me. Not for yourself. And it's so typically lame of me to have lacked the confidence in myself to make a much needed change in my life - until someone else told me I could do it.

But you did that for me. And you never let me give up. And you refused to let me hate myself.

I know this blog has changed us both. Becoming Kate and Lydia here has allowed us to be ourselves in a whole new way when we're off-line. And I would venture to say that I know you pretty well. And I know the good and the bad and MAUDE KNOWS, you are now very familiar with all my bad traits (thank you for putting up with so much of my passive aggressive bullshit - you really didn't deserve most of it).

Knowing the good and the bad, I have one request. Please just be you. Stay who you are and enjoy being that person. You're all that stuff you say are - as "Kate". But you're a lot more than just Kate. You're someone who is capable and kind and generous. You're an excellent mom and you just need to see the way your kids look at you to know that. You are truly a good and compassionate person. You are also an excellent tap dancer, particularly the part that includes tapping.

You're imperfect and totally cool with it and that makes other people feel better about themselves and that is awesome. You're kind to kids and critters and they're all crazy about you. You're a slighty below average plumber. You have excellent taste in everything except music from the seventies.

You're an amazing storyteller and an empathetic listener. You are willing to make a total ass of yourself on the internet and I look forward to hearing your karaoke skills provided they do not include a cover of "Weekend in New England". You are able to do that thing where you tap on a wall and find the stud and I have never been able to do that so I think it's really impressive.

You are an excellent photographer. You're surprisingly good at playing piano. You're a great cook and a good eater (when you remember to eat). Your dedication to your dog is truly inspiring. I love that when someone hurts my feelings, you quickly morph into a super protective ninja who is like: "I will drive to their house and impale them with my Jimmy Choo and then drive home and be drinking wine and watching Law & Order before anyone knows what happened."

So for all those reasons, you are awesome. And I leave you with one piece of advice. You need to wear more sunscreen, hooker. You're no spring chicken.

BAWK!
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

36 comments:

  1. What a wonderful tribute to your friendship. Good friends rock and should not under-rated. In my world, you are each others Big Susan. http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/

    Happy Birthday Kate. And listen to Lydia. Sunscreen is your friend.

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  2. This totally made my cry into my salad... I LOVE you two... and Happy birthday Kate!

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  3. What a great tribute to an awesome person!

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  4. Happy Birthday Kate :)

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  5. Awesome! How lucky you both are to have each other.

    Happy Birthday, Kate :)

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  6. Somewhere out there, I hope I have a friend like this. And I mean either of you :)

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  7. You two are VERY lucky to have each other. I had a best friend like that for many years, but she died of leukemia...I miss her every day...

    Heppy Birthday Kate!

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  8. Happy birthday Kate! And thanks to Lydia for reminding me to call my bestie. Today isn't her birthday or anything. It is just a good idea to remind the dirty pirate hooker that she is kind of a big deal.

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  9. Happy Birthday Kate! I am so glad that you found each other. :)

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  10. Yet another reason you two rock. Happy birthday, Kate!

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  11. awesomely fantastic. i love this! i love my village of momma friends and feel like this towards them. i'm so glad you both have each other, because let's face it-->we need our villages! hugs and love to mine and congrats on yours. we are the glue that holds each other together.

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  12. What a wonderful tribute! You ladies make a wonderful team.

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  13. Get a room.......I mean "awwww--how sweet!!"

    Happy Birthday Kate!

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  14. I posted on Facebook but i'll post on here too:

    Happy Birthday Kate!!!!

    I hope that you had a FANTASTIC day and an even more FANTASTICER night!!!!

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  15. That was all kinds of lovely! You are, as Lydia so eloquently wrote, all those amazing things. You have helped more than just one person lately, you, as one half of an amazing hooker helping team, have made laugh when the dishwasher died again because you used dish soap instead of dishWASHER soap because your so over tired you ACTUALY see Randy. You've made us ugly cry first thing in the morning. So enough rambling.... Just; thanks and happy birthday hooker extraordinaire :)

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  16. Happy Birthday Kate! I am so grateful to both of you for reminding me that I am sane after all! I love this blog! Thank you both so much!

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  17. And now I've burst into tears!!

    Happy Birthday Kate!! I hope you have a fan-damn-tastic day!

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  18. Happy Birthday to 1/2 of an awesome blog team!!

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  19. Happy Birthday, Kate. You've got a real friend in Lydia. Only a real friend can call you a smelly pirate hooker. Anyone else would have been killed by you and the Jimmy Choo.
    You are very lucky to have one another. It's great when we find our perfect person, isn't it? The one who sees the truth and tells us the truth and we love them anyway. Because we must. : )
    Nicely done, Lydia.

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  20. Happy Birthday Kate! Smelly pirate hookers of the world unite! You and Lydia are amazing and save my schmidt on a daily basis.

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  21. Happy Birthday Kate!

    You two are lucky and I am jealous of you both. To have what you have is a truly amazing gift. I think in some ways a friendship like yours is a bit like finding your true soul mate. So many of us never find that and I'm so glad you both did and even more glad you share yourselves with us because you are awesome in every way possible!!

    Lots of love!!

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  22. Aww, what a great friendship :)
    Happy birthday Kate.
    And Lydia, we all feel those things as moms and wives, so thank you to you and Kate for freely talking about it, and giving a space for all us moms to just be ourselves and laugh about all these things that we go through. You have brought us all into your friendship, so thank you for that.

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  23. Hope you have/had a lovely birthday!!

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  24. Happy birthday Kate! You sound like an amazing friend, and person. Have a wonderful day!

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  25. Awww - you made my tear up Lydia. That was beautiful.
    Happy Birthday Kate!!! You both are the bestest.

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  26. Two words: Awe. Some! Love you both!

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  27. I am so you, Lydia, and my bestie is so Kate. And i had no idea that there were two others (or a thousand more) who totally get our ridiculous sense of humor. That one true friend who gets your wine speak or at least nods and says "Here let me fill your glass." You are a completely awesome pair and it makes me realize that we are too!! And tell Kate that 40 is really not so bad. Jut so she'll know, when she "relly is 40!"

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  28. that was so lovely. have to admit that I am little teary. it's not too often I get sentimental hearing about a smelly pirate hooker.

    you guys both rock.

    xo A

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  29. Happy Birthday Kate!!!!!

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  30. Happy birthday, Kate! And this was a beautiful post, Lydia! And now I have a favorite new word. Fan-damn-tastic. I just have to remember not to say it at church.

    I'm so glad I 'know' ya'll!

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  31. Happy Birthday, Kate! You sound amazing!

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  32. Beautiful tribute! Belated Happy Birthday, Kate!

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  33. Okay - that almost made me ugly cry at WORK (at break!). (And that's a little harder to explain!)

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  34. Awesome idea! Someone needs to collect great ideas like this and give for baby shower gifts, before it's too late!! Thanks so much for sharing!

    important gift ideas

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