Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Top Ten More Things We Learned About Experiments and Hookers

We are totally getting smarter! We started something on Friday and suddenly learned A LOT. Like well over 2,000 different pieces of information. Then we worked really, really hard for a few days and learned even more stuff -- like that fingers actually bleed from typing so much. Lydia is developing an upper back hump from sitting in front of her laptop. She really is! It's a hump from helping hookers.

THEN, we found out all that stuff we told you yesterday. And NOW, we've had to absorb all this information...and we've only had 24 hours to process this latest stuff. So, in the span of six days, we are *epically smarter* than we were last Friday.

Of course, what's been our subject? Hooking.

Here's the new stuff we learned:

10. That Target doesn’t let us type the word hookers, because it’s *apparently* porny or something. Sheesh. But, our crack pot team of clever mommies has figured out the workaround. H00kers. Also, if you happen to have the last name Hooker, that both sucks for you and IS INCREDIBLY AWESOME at the exact same time.

9. That you can buy WalMart gift cards online and have it shipped to someone FOR FREE. Not an online giftcard either. A real, plastic, sent-in-the-snail-mail gift card. Thank you Jessica for that tip!

8. That people keep emailing us the most hilarious comments like: "Well, if wishes were horses than hookers would ride" and "I know I'm late, but better late than pregnant I always say." And then we fall down dead from the funny.

7. That hookers are people too. We were kindly reminded that – even though it’s a term of affection in MommyLand – it is possible that actual hookers could be offended. We are super against offending anyone. So, while we will continue to refer to this project and the people involved as the helping hookers, we do it with the same caveat that we sometimes say things that don’t exactly carry the traditional meaning. Like when Lydia calls Kate “nice” or “friendly” or “human” Or, when Kate tells Lydia that she likes her “outfit”.

6. That Canada doesn’t have Targets. Whuck???!? Now we know for sure that you can’t possibly be a real country.

5. OH! Many of you have asked about whether you can sign the cards you send out, or if it has to be anonymous. We are totally leaving that up to you…whichever you prefer is fine by us.

4. That, despite our Number 7 resolution, every time we get an email that says things like “I never knew being a hooker could be so much fun!” or “I heart hookers” or “Looking to be a Hooker” we giggle like idiots.

3. That Kate and Lydia would totally run for office, but for the fact that 1) we would spend all our time arguing about who gets to be president and our public appearances would really be televised slap fights; 2) we have that whole “experimenting with hookers” problem in our very recent past; and 3) we have carpool duty next week.

2. That we’re just kidding about Number 6. Again, please see Number 7.

1. That every time we write about this Experiment or post about it on Facebook, we get a flurry of emails and spend the next 48 hours sorting. So we’re not mentioning it again…and tomorrow, we’ll return to the regular snark you’ve come to love and expect.

Or, at least for a couple of days…

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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