When I checked-in with the news on Sunday morning I was immediately assaulted with the information that Beyoncé! Had! Her! Baby! I love me some Beyoncé (and will perform the Single Ladies dance in its entirety upon request) but I’ve had some mixed feelings about Beyoncé’s pregnancy in the media. Maybe it was her big reveal of The Bump at the VMAs or perhaps as Mommy Shorts so accurately explained, it was because her nursery is a bit, um, extravagant.
But by far the most jaw-dropping news story related to this tiny little superstar is that Jay-Z and Beyoncé rented out the entire top floor of Lenox Hill Hospital for $1.3 million to afford the new family some privacy from the paparazzi and help them get some peace and quiet. (Uh, if they wanted peace and quiet they probably shouldn’t have just had a baby, but whatever.) Let me repeat this: they rented out the ENTIRE FLOOR of a hospital for her birth and recovery.
Well hot damn, Beyoncé! I'm happy for you and I'm genuinely so glad you have a healthy baby. But wow. Just wow.
It got me thinking, why stop at a nursery bigger than my house and renting a private hospital floor? If I was a new mom again and had seemingly limitless funds I’d probably do some crazy schmidt, too. At a minimum, I'd contact someone at MIT to engineer a robot that looks, smells, feels, and sounds like me to read “Goodnight Moon” for the 427th time. I might also build my own Target, so that I could wander the hallowed aisles without old ladies trying to touch my newborn’s face and tell me she isn’t wearing enough layers. I mean, with that kind of money - anything is possible.
Maybe I'm just jealous of Beyonce. Or maybe I'm slightly bitter. Maybe because I read so many amazing hooker emails this holiday season from women who are superstars , too. Who are beautiful and work hard and love their babies so much and want to give them everything. But they can't. Maybe that's why in this one case, instead of wanting to shake my booty when I hear Beyonce's name, I want to shake my head.
Beyonce is awesome and her precious new baby is a miracle of cuteness. But sometimes I think the world forgets that every new mom is awesome and especially that every new baby is a miracle of cuteness, even those that are born into slightly less glamorous settings.
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011