Monday, January 2, 2012

Don't Ask Your Kids About: New Years Resolutions

Last week I made the mistake of asking about my young children about New Years Resolutions. Specifically, what mine should be. It was sort of like that time when I asked them "What's rule #1?" or "What has mommy taught you?" and their answers made me want to chortle and then cry. That's right - It made me want to want to chortlecry.

So I told Kate and Guru Luise to please ask their kids to see if the results would be equally horrifying. And here are the collective answers to the question - What should mommy pick as her New Years resolutions this year?

10. [Looks around to make sure he is far enough away from me that I can't grab him] Maybe you should exercise more?

9. You could try be a little nicer. You know, like how you are to the puppy?

8. I really think you need to start reading more books because sometimes you don't know all the words in them.

7. I think you should consider paying us. To be your kids. What's that called again? Oh yes. Allowance.

6. Maybe not eat my Halloween candy? You're supposed to ask first, mommy.

5. Make pancakes better. Also, you're not very good at pitching.

4. Never yelling ever again. [When I emphatically agreed that no one in the house should yell anymore, the children promptly looked horrified and said:] No - not us. YOU.

3. Could you maybe not always spill stuff on yourself when we're out? [Facepalm.]

2. You should try really hard to cook more things that taste good.

1. Sigh... There's just so many.

That's right. These answers
got the Maude Face.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. I seriously laughed when I read this. I won't be asking my kids these questions, I don't know if I want to know.

  2. I asked my almost 6 yo what mine should be...he pointed to my newly-pregnant belly and told me that I should "maybe stop having babies...we have enough".

  3. My son thinks I should become an artist. Clearly I can't complain. He plans on upping his Science knowledge - my son is 8. What am I going to do with him???

    I laughed out loud at the exercise comment - that was priceless!

  4. This list is why I don't ask my husband if he has any suggestions. My resolutions are mine... and mine don't hurt my feelings.

  5. My 5 year old thinks my resolution should be more babies. I'm pretty sure I made a resolution to NOT have any more babies.

  6. LOL!!! Those were awesome in a chortlecry kind of way!!!

  7. As I always tell people, usually AFTER being dumb enough to ask me what I think, "Don't ask if you really don't want to know". LMAO

  8. I've always said #3 should be MY mother's new years resolution. I'm 32 this year - the answers will not improve with age!

  9. Ouch! Outta the mouths of babes! LOL

  10. Oh, eff. I bet my kids would suggest a lot of these to me, too. Like the yelling one. :/ It kinda makes me want to chortlecry, too.

  11. Laughing so hard - now have to go ask my children this same question...

  12. I won't be asking my kiddos this question! One is 19 and he has learned the fine art of how not to say something stupid to mom, so whatever he would say would only be something that could possibly increase his chances of getting money from me. The other, 14, he's half way there but is such a chatterbox that occasionally he blurts out whatever thought is rolling through his head. Na-uh...I don't want to know it. And I don't have any money.

  13. Bahahahaha! It's times like these I'm both glad and sad that my child can only speak in mangled words and nonsense that sounds oddly like Yiddish. I'm sure she'll come up with some doozies in a couple of years...

  14. OMG are my kids in your house? Thanks for the laugh!

  15. Ok, I actually LOL'd for this one. I think I'm a bit terrified to ask my four *angelic* children what they would think my resolutions should be. Good on you!

  16. My precious cherub said, in church yesterday, in front of God and every body, "I'd like to get up early enough to be on time for school every day."

  17. Yeah... According to my 6 year old, it's time I lost the baby weight from her little sister (now 1). "You look especially big from behind. Maybe you should exercise more?" And this was unsolicited.

  18. ^that would be my oldest's response I bet, oops

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