Friday, February 3, 2012

Excuse me - Do You Have a Nutsak, too?

As usual, just when I think I'm sort of funny or good at blogging - you guys leave me comments that have me howling with laughter and changing m'britches.

Example: I run a little movie about the bizarre and inappropriate things that my 3 year old names her toys and you guys leave comments like this:

My three year-old son called his newborn baby sister Phallus for a few weeks. As in "Mommy, Phallus is crying." Or, (to old ladies at church), "My Phallus is so small, but I love her."

I. DIED.

If you all have a CrackRabbit or a Horny or a Sweet Baby Phallus you'd like to share with us, please leave us comment. We'll pick the funniest ones and either run a list or beg for your photos and make another movie.

Thanks for being amazeballs, hookers.
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

228 comments:

  1. 'Hornysheep', as named by my then-four-year-old daughter. She still calls it that, 6 years later, and still has no idea why we find it funny.

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  2. My 2 year old's treasured baby dolls are not at all *inappropriately* named, just oddly. The first baby doll she got was just "baby" for MONTHS. Then, one day, the baby's name was Bolla (That's bowl-a.) The next Christmas she got baby #2. Golla (pronouced Goal-a.) This past Holiday season she got baby #3- Sisa (like Lisa, but with a S, she insisted.) Then came baby #4 for Christmas. She told me 13 times that the baby's name was Doo. I said "Sue?" no doo. "Sue?" no doo. Finally she relented. ONE of her baby's has a recognizable name!

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  3. When my daughter was 2, she gave everyone a new pretend name. For weeks, my husband and I were named, "Buster." But she didn't pronounce it 'Bust-er'. She pronounced it, "Bastard."

    Every time my husband heard her calling for me, he'd have to fight back tears.

    "I want more water, Bastard."
    "Bastard, I finished pooping. Wipe me!"
    "You know, Bastard, you're my best friend."

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    Replies
    1. AAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhh I'm DYING!!!!!

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    2. It isn't a name for anyone, but my sweet 3 y/o Sarah calls bologna "blow-me"...so when she asks her uncle one day, "BoBo, I want Blow-Me" I thought he was going to fall over, and my hubby and I went into fits laughing at it!

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    3. OMG...this comment made me laugh so hard I had to use my inhaler!

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    4. Freaking amazing. Love it so much!

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    5. Pantrygirl....that is hysterical!!

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    6. This is awesome. Pure awesome.

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  4. We have a toy turtle that my 2-year-old has named "Turd". When we leave the house she screams "Mom! Don't forget my turd! I need my turd with me!"

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    1. It wasn't my kids that did this one...it was ME. When my kids were babies, I would see them do something funny and call them ;Silly little dingleberries'. Then I went into lancaster (Amish country) and learned that dingleberries were little poo balls that clung to a horse's tail!

      Needless to say, I no longer called them that. 8-O

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  5. I had a friend in middle school named "Beaver". That wasn't his real name, I guess, but everyone called him that. I mean teachers & everything, because when he was born his sister didn't want him, so to appease her, the parents let her "name" him. Poor guy. Still goes by Beaver to this day...

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    1. In NY state? If not, I know another man who goes by "Beaver"... even though it's not his real name!

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    2. Sadly I know a boy whose real first name is Beaver. The family immigrated and so I wonder if they saw Leave it to Beaver and thought that was a common name. I shake my head everytime they talk about their little Beaver. Sigh. =D

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  6. My daugther has a blanket (it's gross). She never lets me wash it. She says she likes the way it smells. (like I said, gross). Anyway, it's name is "Stink". Yes. Yes it does.

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    1. My 6 year old has a blanket as well. It used to be pink, now it's kind of gray. She smells it to calm her down. I sniff it if I want to hurl.

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    2. My son does the same thing. He has a "stinky fuzzy". It is so gross. He has clean ones but refuses to use them because he likes the way the nasty one smells. Kids are icky sometimes!

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    3. Um...my almost 3-year-old son has a multitude of the same type of blanket (Aden & Anais), but his has one favorite (the elephants) that can get quite gross. I have a bad? habit of sneaking into his room at night to steal that blanket, replace it with another, and give the dirty one a much needed washing.

      He hasn't figured out how to stop me, and he always accepts his favorite - now clean - back in the morning.

      - Rosie LB

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  7. Ok, I thought my then 5 year old was weird when she named her baby brother Mr. Moo Moo Pants. Then I figured it was just a girl thing because she had all her girl friends from daycare and Daisies calling him Mr. Moo Moo Pants too. The boys would ask for his real name.

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  8. My then 2 yo had a stuffed donkey she got from my in-laws that she named Donkey Dong. Then she went to their farm, and saw a real donkey. So now the live one is Big Donkey Dong, and Little Donkey Dong.
    Imagine how I felt when I was checking out of our hotel near the in-laws and she's behind me shouting "I want to go see Big Donkey Dong!" During a rather well-attended continental breakfast full of construction workers.

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    Replies
    1. I just choked on my coffee. BWAHAHA!

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    2. I.JUST.DIED. That is AWESOME!!!

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  9. The worst part about the whole Phallus episode is that I have a bilingual family, and it wasn't easy to communicate why calling the baby Phallus was so funny and so totally inappropriate. Some times it kinda stinks to be bilingual and bi-cultural because only one of us is laughing...

    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/01/less-glamorous-side-of-our-so-called.html
    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/10/conversations-we-have-at-our-house.html

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  10. My daughter has a Cabbage Patch kid named Velvet. Nothing says "There are no strippers here" like a doll named Velvet.

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  11. My boyfriend's little sister use to call him Boob. It stuck around and she is in her 20's now and still calls him that.Now the kids and I call him Boob too.

    I work in a store that makes stuffed animals (think build-a-bear but locally owned) I get ALLLLLL types of awesome names running through there. A Rhino names Horny, a little girl named her stuffed dog Poop. her reasoning? "Because dogs poop" (said to us like we were complete morons) Oh man, its early, I'm sure I'll remember more later.

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    Replies
    1. I love how kids instinctively know how to give a person the "you're a moron." look.

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  12. My daughter when she was about 18 months started holding up her favorite very small teddy bear and saying tush tush, it finally clicked that she named the bear tush tush, and there was also a teddy bear in larger form, that she called ma tush. Needless to say, 9 years later we now have a collection of pink tush teddy bear family members. can't even count how many cousins there are

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  13. Pippy Longstocking... is now PeePee... awesome!
    www.tblogmanifesto.com

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  14. When we bought our son the large "Woody" doll from toy story, he went around for months telling EVERYONE (Church, friends, family, etc...) that he had a "BIG WOODY" now! We'd die laughing everytime someone would get that "WHUCK?" look on their face!

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    1. gotta love the woody lol Toy story "go fish" is popular here..my daughter and son were playing and she had to keep asking her brother "do youhave a woody?" and everytime he ignored her she'd just shout louder "DO YOU HAVE A WOODY????" Myhusband and I were killing ourselves laughing!!

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    2. our little boy max stumbled into the living room one night and declared to our guests that he had a little buzz and a big woody!

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    3. OMGosh ^^^^^^ your kid is awesome!!

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    4. They must have known what they were doing when they named that character!! OMG! I've died a little every time (4 x) my son sees another kid with a Woody doll and yells, "Mom! That little boy has a Woody too!!"

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  15. My 2 year old daughter calls owls "who whos". I still chuckle occasionally when she says "Look at my who who, Mama!!"

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    1. My son calls owls the same thing. Nothing is funnier than a little boy crying because in his dreams the who who was going to eat him!

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  16. My lovely daughter was a year old when the first of two brothers joined our family. I named my oldest son Andrew, but that was more than she could say ... even though she started talking early, and hasn't really shut up since. So my poor son spent the first several months of his life being called "DooDoo" by his sister. Even shortening his moniker to Drew didn't help, then he was just "Doo" according to his sister. Funny thing, the kid will turn 20 this year and he still answers when his sister jokingly calls him "DooDoo". :)

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    1. My younger daughter couldn't say her older sister's name for a while. Her dad often called the older "Dude" which lead to the younger calling her sister "DooDoo."

      I think after about a year of being "DooDoo" it has (thankfully) worn off.

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    2. My friends daughter couldn't pronounce my daughter Rachel's name so it always came out as "da shit"..it was awesome.

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    3. We have a Doo Doo ("Andrew") in our house too. He happens to be a very serious and literal kind of guy and was not at all impressed when his sister started calling him that.

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  17. No weird stuffed animal names here...but I'm in a mixed marriage (DH is black, I'm white) and I almost fell off the couch when my 3 y.o. Started calling his baby sister Honky! LMAO...figured out later it was b/c he'd been 'honking' her nose!

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  18. My son (2 at the time) named his baby brother Oatmeal before he was born, and was very proud to share that with everyone we met. Fast forward a few months after his brother was born. Would you like oatmeal for breakfast sweetie? Mom, I can't eat my brother!

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  19. My 4 year old son has had an attachment to a disgusting blanket with a tiny bear attached since he was an infant. Early on in his relationship with the aforementioned blanket, my husband oddly dubbed the thing "Mr. Fiddlekins." My little guy could never say "Fiddlekins" properly, so he has always called this thing something that sounds like "Mr. Filth kins"-- which is completely appropriate because he sucks on this thing and does God knows what else with it, and the blanket reaches levels of crunchy smelly filthy disgustingness that I never would have fathomed possible.

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  20. When I was about three, I had not one but two imaginary friends. Their names were Joe and Kinky. My family still thinks this is hilarious.

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    1. When I was little I had two imaginary friends too. Dogus and Duty.

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    2. Mine were called Foosie and Tacky.

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    3. My imaginary friends were boys, Herman Gillder & Beep the boy.

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  21. My 8-YO son got a new Webkinz, a wombat. But he insisted it was a beaver. So: "Where's Beaver?" I'd correct and say "Wombat." But then, "I need Beaver! I love Beaver!" One day, he will get why I stifled a laugh every time.

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  22. I was assured that the Easter chick would die, but it eventually turned into a huge white rooster. Because it pecked at its food, my 3 yo logically named him Pecker.

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    1. My 5 year daughter received a big green Dr Seuss-style bird for being still while she got an xray. His name is Big Pecker (because he pecks, of course- says daughter). When we went to do a presentation to a room full of Jr High kids about the hospital which saved her life, my girl insisted on bringing & introducing Big Pecker to the group. Well, you can imagine how well that went over.

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  23. Until my son was about 7 he called Star Wars "Star Whores". When he was 4 we built a deck on the back of the house. We were riding in the car with my parents and my brother and he yells out "hey have you guys seen my big dick?" Trying to remain calm while my brother is shaking and crying with laughter I said, "Your what, honey?" "The dick. You know, our dick!" "Describe it for me" "Its outside and it has wood and my daddy made it" "OH you mean the DECK?" "That's what I said, the dick"

    My brother and I laugh about it to this day!

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    1. My oldest son referred to Darth Vader's breathing as "Hoe-Purr" and would stomp around the house saying Hoe-Purr!! Hoe-Purr!!

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  24. My 18 month old calls his pacifier his, "pie". Like while in a crowd of strangers, "Oh, my pie! My pie!". Yeeeeah.

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  25. My kids have not named any of their toys anything funny like that, they all have pretty straight forward names "chicky they chick" "pengy the penguin". My eldest son (5) did however decide he wanted his nickname to be Jizza (his name is Jimi) needless to say that one didnt happen, no way was I greeting him from school in a playground full of parents saying "Hey Jizza how was your day?" I reminded him his current nickname of The Original Jimster was much cooler and he practically had his own song Original Prankster by The Offspring and he was happy.

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  26. My 18 month old has yet to name anything, but I am sure the hilarity is coming. However, my younger brother came up with some oddball names for things when he was little. My favorite doll, that I named Lisa was to him, Baby Lusup and my blanket was Diddy-egg-so-so (what!?!?). We still have no idea why or how he came up with these things!

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  27. My two year old names EVERYTHING. She uses my "boobie trap" (bra) to slingshot her "mangina" monkey. Hearing a little kid say words that even I don't say makes me giggle.

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  28. My then-four-year-old daughter wanted to name her baby sister Floozy. She was just stringing sounds together an liked the way that ones sounded. For weeks, she insisted we seriously consider her idea.

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  29. My 2 1/2 year old is currently obsessed with Hello Kitty. Except, when she says the name it is "Hi-yo, Titty!" It's kind of awkward when she sees a woman wearing Hello Kitty and points it out.

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  30. My daughter has an uncle that may or may not do some things recreationally that she doesn't know about. And he has a pet rabbit named Doobie. She has a stuffed animal bunny that she promptly named Doobie (she was 2 at the time) and brought with her every.where. for years. She would get out of the car at the grocery store and I'd make her leave it in the car and she'd scream "I need my Doobie, I want my Doobie!!" I'll admit I bribed her to take another stuffed animal to show and tell at preschool.

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  31. OOOOH and my 18 month old also calls juice, "Jew". There's nothing like him pointing in the grocery store screaming, "JEW! JEW!". I swear we are not racist!

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    1. My 17mos old calls orange juice "Old Jews"... we've yet to have an episode in the store... but I'm waiting for the day

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  32. My daughter is obsessed with giraffes. My husband bought her a giraffe at a gas station and handed it to her and she said,"Well hi Dan." umm Dan? Okay. She also has a large pillow pet and and small pillow pet giraffe that are Big Fat Dan and Baby fat Dan. I am now, at this moment, having an arguement over whether or not her little brother's Sophie is named "Sophie" or "Dan" our cat's name is also Sophie. She just said, "Fine mommy, it Kitty Cat Dan."

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  33. We don't have anything wildly inappropriate in this house. But because my kid is weird and quirky and so.much.awesome. I do have a penguin named "Electricity"

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  34. My daughter renamed a Sponge Bob beanie baby- Vagina. What was even better than that is when she drew a picture of Sponge Bob AT SCHOOL and asked her kindergarten teacher how to spell Vagina.

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  35. When my oldest child gave up his beloved pacifier for good, my mother gave him the toy of his dreams ... a large Toy Story "Woody" doll. He was very excited, and for months made it a point to tell everyone he met, "My grandma gave me a big Woody!"

    (We thought this was hysterical, which confused my mother. Once I explained the double entendre, she was HORRIFIED. Then amused. But still horrified!)

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  36. When my daughter was 4 she won a monkey at our local fair. She immediately named the thing Scrote. Try explaining that one to her teacher at her christian preschool! Especially after she asked if she could sleep with her "Cuddly Scrote" at nap time!

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  37. My sweet son once had a stuffed toy fish as well as live fish. He loved them all but he couldn't say fish. Instead he said (loudly), "I love bitches! Look at my bitches! Look at those pretty bitches!". He was an enthusiastic "bitch" lover.

    Jen @ Ivegottogetthisoffmychest.blospot.com

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  38. My 3 yr old son has a stuffed cow thats name is T-bone and he calls it 'Bone'. Thats about as wild as his animals get. When he was a bit younger he could not say clock. He said 'cock'. We went to a family reunion at a lake resort. My very prim & proper aunt was greeting us and my son spotted a large wall clock to which he starts screaming "Wook at that BBBIIIIGGG COCK, Mommy! Dats a nice cock, huh Mommy!"

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  39. My three year-old she calls gum, gun. She is adamant about being allowed to chew it (even though she isn't allowed to because she swallows it (http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/05/gum.html). But, it leads to some unfortunate conversations at the grocery store. "Give me my gun! I need my gun right now." "Big brother has his gun, so I want mine!"

    Fast-forward a few months. Now she realizes that big brother gets gum when he is hyper (he's ASD and it helps calm him down), so she says, "Mommy, I feel too excited. I need my gun."

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  40. My dear friends are Jewish and we are Christian. Our kids hang out and learn about each others holidays etc., so our little Christians know how to play dreidel and their kids have heard the story of Christmas. The cross-religious sharing backfired a few years ago at a family Hanukah gathering, when my friends' daughters (then 3 and 4) were given baby dolls by a relative. With all of the entire Jewish family gathered, someone made the mistake of asking the 3 year old what she was going to name her doll. She thought for a moment and then said, "Ummm....Baby Jesus." The entire assembly died laughing. Big sister, not to be outdone, loudly announced that she would be naming her doll, "Ultimate Baby Jesus." Funny? You bet. Add to the funny? My daughter made a stuffed Pig at Build-a-Bear and named it Moses. Now we joke that we should have made the sound card inside it say "Set my bacon free."

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  41. My daughter has three stuffed poodles. The pink one is named Pinky, the white one is named Snoballs, and the blue one is named... Blueballs.

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  42. My sister has Whack-off Bunny at her house...that's right WHACK-OFF Bunny. Nice.

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    1. OMG. I think I just busted a blood vessel in my eye from holding in my unholy laughter at this.

      -kate in MI

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  43. My daughter has a pet unicorn named Poop Girl. She also hollers things like "I need to take POOP with me."

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  44. My 3.5 yr old daughter's stuffed lion is called Mr. Pumspums. When I asked her what "pumspums" meant, she said, "lion snot!" So her lion is essentially named Mr. Lion Snot.

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  45. When my son was born, my daughter, who was then three, gave him a little bear wearing pajamas, and as he got older, he preferred the bear without pajamas, so we started calling him "nudie bear". He is about to turn seven and he still loves sleeping with his Nudie Bear. His name is Will, and we call him "Willy" sometimes. When he was first learning to talk, he couldn't say "Willy", so he referred to himself as "Wee Wee". My sister in law still prefers to call him that!

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  46. My husband is terrified that my daughter will turn my twins into sissies by playing with dolls and dress-up, but rolls with it as all three are happy. He drew the line when he asked her what she wanted to name her soon-to-be little brother. "Gi-gi" Why "Gi-gi?" "Well, Daddy he doesn't have one so he needs one as a name."

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  47. My 5 yr olds Easter bunny this year was "jellybean pooper". Thank you, Hop movie trailer.

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  48. This isn't a toy name or anything but one funny thing that instantly springs to mind is the other day after playing in Daddy's smell good lotions and potions a friend of mine came to the door. My 3 year old proudly pulled the front of his shirt out to her and said "Hey! Wanna smell my shirt" except it sounded like he said "Wanna smell my sh*t!" I was hysterical and he couldn't figure out why. Another one that's a Brit slang sort of word that's cursing but not is toe-rag,(no idea why or what it is)....but it's common to say when a child is being bad as in "you little toe-rag" (Instead of you little crap tastic child) my son is often called a toe-rag by someone in this house, to which big sis goes around and says that he is a two bag because she just hears it wrong! LOL! From HW x

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  49. My middle child went through an imaginary friend phase after her sister was born so she had Jukey (JEW-kee), Jockey and Key Lime. They were siblings and Key Lime was the littlest. Jukey's mom happened to work at the some restaurant that I worked in as a teenager. Key Lime moved to Paris.

    My littlest child was watching Real Housewives of Atlanta with me (not my shining mother moment) before dinner on DVR and when we went upstairs for dinner she imitated a thick Southern accent and walked around with her hips swinging saying, "I'm Miss Prissypants!" My son and I were dying laughing and when we asked her to show daddy Miss Prissypants, she said that she died.

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  50. Liam Xavier WillcuttsFebruary 3, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Hey it is Liam,
    I didn't really name anything funny as a child. I am not sure if this is actually true, but I am too lazy to ask my mom. My younger brother who is 10 years old and has a birthday coming up in the next few days, has a tendency to name things when he doesn't know the name off the top of his head. So one day while we were at the local elementary school, he was around the age of 6 or 7 at the time, we saw a group of small preschoolers with their parents. He didn't say,"Look at those preschoolers," he said, "Look at those mini kids." This made my mom and I laugh. So now every time we see a group of small children around the preschool and kindergarten age we don't say look at those preschoolers we say look at those mini kids.

    Also, he came up with the word beddish on a weekend where everyone in the house including the pets were in my mom's room. No one wanted to move from the bed, so after my mom said that we should all move from her bed and start the day, my brother commented that today was a beddish day and that we should lie in bed and just relax. So sometimes when I have school and I am very comfortable in my bed which means that my mom has to go to my room and drag me out, I ask her if we could have a beddish day. Which she responds no and then for the next 30 minutes has to turtle herd me to school while I slowly look for my shoes.

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  52. I asked my then three year old to nam our new Elf on the Shlf a couple Christ,as ago. Without hesitation she said "Glassy A$$"
    Thankfully I was able to change her mind

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  53. My niece had a barbie doll she drew all over, mostly on it's butt. Her name was "Butt-Crack" and if that isn't embarrassing enough to hear a child say she pronounced it "Butt-F*ck" Try ignoring that being screamed from your backseat in the drive thru.

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  54. My girlfriends daughter had a rooster or chicken (I can't remember which) that she insisted be called Cock as it was a boy ;) that one never left the house ;) my boys not so imaginative...I have a blankie name blankie, penguin named penguie, dog named hockey dog(wore a hockey uniform) and a rainbow bear named mommy Thomas (my son's two favorite things?) Thanks for the laughs everyone and have a great day!

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    1. My son had a teddy bear named Teddy, a bunny rabbit named Bunny and a chicken named Chicky. And usually referred to them as Teddy-Bunny-Chicky. All one word since he wouldn't go anywhere without all three! But at least I didn't have to be embarrassed by him asking for them.

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  55. I used to work in a before and after school daycare program and there was one little girl that always had some type of stuffy with her and one morning she had her most favorite kitty cat named "pussy" and everytime someone came in the door (parent's, children, teachers) she asked them if they wanted to "pet her pussy" I finally had to just ask her to put it away because I coudln't contain the laughter and there were some pretty horrified looks from parents!!

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  56. My daughter used to make up all kinds of creative names for her stuff. But the one that is my favorite was her name for her favorite baby doll: Genna Carrie Elisabeth Emma Suzie Suzanna Emily Amanda Nina Sunnybird. She was about 4 years old when she had this doll, and would recite the names flawlessly every time.

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  57. Most of our stuffed animals have pretty acceptable names, but my oldest's favorite toy when she was about 2 was a firetruck. Unfortunately she had trouble pronouncing the "tr" sound and instead substituted with an "f" sound. Listening to her tell stories about her "firef*&k" was hilarious at home, but the BIG problem was that her daycare was across the street from, you guessed it, a fire station which scheduled it's daily check of the lights etc. on all the trucks at precisely the same time that we arrived in the morning. So each day, for months, we got to enter daycare with her yelling ecstatically, "LOOK everyone! LOOK at all the firef*&ks!!!"

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    1. My cousin had the same problem with the tr in truck. So their neighbour delighted in bringing over their dog trucker and my cousin would chase it around the yard yelling 'come here f*&ker!'.

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  58. We were working on teaching my then 2 1/2 yr old her full name this past summer... she knows the short version, Kate. She had been doing well with answering "Kathleen" when asked her full name but was missing her middle name.

    Apparently she got tired of this drill. Maybe I asked one too many times or something, because she thereby decided her name was "Wal-Mart."

    When I asked her middle name, she declared "Katerbug" (name coined by close friends).

    ...So she is now referred to as Wal-Mart Katerbug.

    My mom started sending her mail addressed that way.

    She also renamed my parents from Bunny and Papi to Baloney and Pizza.

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    1. awesome. I think I actually like Paloney and Pizza BETTER than Bunny and Papi. We always called my grandmother Muddy. really. And she CHOSE that name for herself. Why? Her own grandmother, that she was named after, was Grandmother Mary, which got mixed up by little ones into Grandma Muddy, and finally to Muddy. So she wanted to go by the same name as her grandmother. This confused me as a kid, though, because my grandmother is.. very snobby and the kind of name dropping upper crust, so wanting to be called Muddy was a surprise to my parents, to say the least!

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  59. My then 2 year old son loved Thomas the Train......his favourite was Percy...he could not say Percy......And so he became Pussy....my friends used to ask him all about his favourite train just to hear him talk about Pussy :-)

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    1. Oh my gosh, my oldest son did the EXACT same thing when he was 2! And boy did he ever love that train!! My husband's ring tone on his phone was our son saying, "I *LOVE* pussy (Percy)!!!" It. Was. Hysterical.

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  60. When my daughter was 2 she wanted a baby sister. I didn't want another child then. So I got her a cabbage patch doll. She called her sissy. She tried to take sissy everywhere. On her first day of daycare she told one of the teachers that I left her baby sissy at home by her self. The teacher did ask me about it when I picked her up after work. I was mortified. They really thought sissy was a real baby. An apparently so did my daughter.

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  61. I had a Woody Wood Pecker stuffed animal as a child.... Aptly named Woody Pecker. My mom is so proud!

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  62. When My husband comes home from work I would always say "Daddy's home" so for months my son would call him "Daddy's home Daddy". As in "Goodnight daddy's home daddy" or "daddy's home daddy get me some milk" etc. Drove him nuts.

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  63. My two year-old said, and I quote, "OH NO! Mommy sucked my penis!!!" Clear as day.

    The context? She dropped her dish of peanuts on the rug and I vacuumed them up. She calls peanuts 'penis.'

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    1. Tracy, i don't think there's anything that can beat that one. I'm not even going to try, though my 2 1/2 year old has some doozies.
      ~Kaitlin

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    2. Not quite as funny but similar: When my oldest was 2 she was asking if she had a 'gina (yes), did baby sister have one (yes), and did mommy have one (yes). Then she asked if daddy had one. I replied "No, he has a penis". She thought about that for a minute, then said "Oh! Peanuts! I like peanuts."

      Delete
  64. I'm getting no work done today because I'm still laughing! These are hysterical!

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  65. my littlest one names her stuffed animals pretty normal names - "piggy" for her stuffed pig, "puppy" for her stuffed dog, etc. Its her imaginary brothers and sisters (apparently I have given birth to 18 brothers and 7 sisters at least according to her - she does have two actual sisters and one actual brother) who get names like "sisha, misha, lucish" alot of "ishes." The craziest thing she does however relates to her grandmothers. This started pretty much as soon as she could talk and continues it to this day (she's 4)....she has a white grandma and a black grandma. Which is completely confusing to most - oh the looks of "whuck??" I get, because she is fully anglo. Its the color of the grandmothers' hair. my mom has white hair and my MIL has dark hair....no matter how many times we refer to her grandmas' by their correct names or try to correct her, they are always "my white grandma and my black grandma"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe! I can relate. My 4 year old is fully Anglo too, but I'm not. He also names his animals pretty straight forward ie. puppy. When I pushed him to come up with a real name he started naming things with "Just" ie. Justpuppy Justtiger. The first thing he decided to give a name to was a fish he called "Whitey". So I stopped pushing him.

      Delete
  66. My cousin named his playmobil figure Sexy Badguy as child. No one has any clue where it came from...

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  67. a few months ago my three year old started saying the word "focka" for "f" words (which i have blogged about). RECENTLY - as in a few days ago - she told me "focka" was actually the name of her build-a-bear who previously went by the name kitty. when i tried not to break into hysterical laughter and just calmly say, "but i thought her name was 'kitty.'" she said, "yeah, it is. kitty focka!"

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  68. My brother was 4 when I was born, and he'd been very involved in the discussions of what to name the new baby. He was really mad when I wasn't named 'Chicken Chow Mein', as that had been his first choice (Charmaine).

    My daughter has weird names for her stuffies. There's Chop, Treebranch, Buttmunch, Finger and Crap the Giraffe, amongst others.

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  69. OMG these are killing me!

    When my oldest was about 2, she had 2 babies: Hogwash Napkin and Wonky Napkin. She also had another she called Nail Polish.

    My son calls one of the little people that came with his toy airplane Sausage, thankfully it's the girl. She has somehow morphed into Mean Sausage. And once in a while he calls his little sister Autumn, Sautumn...like SAWED-em. I'm hoping he doesn't throw a "y" on the end of it and call her Sodomy.

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  70. My younger sister came up with some.... odd pet names as a child. She had a fish named "Fairly Princess Angel". And no, she didn't mean Fairy. She was quite clear on that. She also had a tortoise that she named "Ebenezer Todd Quail". Even after we explained that a quail was a bird. Thankfully, the fish died and she shortened the turtle's name to "Ebbie".

    Of course, maybe I shouldn't criticize since I am the one who named my family's three cats Bucko, Rat, and Poop. This leads to all sorts of fun quotes like "There is poop on my head!", "Is that Rat? No, it's Poop.", or "Oh, she's just snuggling Poop." None of them top the times that the cat plays in the toilet and you hear my mother yelling through the house "POOP, GET OUT OF THE TOILET! HELP ME GET THIS POOP OUT!"

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  71. When my daughter was three she got two stuffed kitties for her birthday. She named them Burger and Fries...yeah, Mommy of the year. Unfortunately, she could not quite pronounce their names, so they became Booger and Flies.
    Everywhere we went, Booger and Flies had to go. Church, the grocery store, Target...they all got the joy of hearing: "Mommy! I need my Booger in Flies!"

    KathyT.

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  72. On the gentler end of odd names, my daughter named a teddy bear after my brother, who was terribly flattered and impressed until he found out that "Corby Bear" had a pink dress and orange ribbons.

    On the less polite end...my daughter is trilingual, at 4. Every now and then, (since I am *not* trilingual) I have to demand a translation from my husband, who will explain that yes, it is okay for her to be saying that because it's an actual (appropriate) word in French or Arabic. Regardless, I still won't let her take her stuffed white seal (French: "foc") over to a friend's house since it's just too hard to explain why it sounds like she calls it her "Baby F**k." This leads to the inevitable, "Mommy, why can't I have my Baby F**k?" or (when she brought it in the car anyway) "Lookit! I snuck my Baby F**k!"

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  73. My 3.5 year old son has a stuffed animal dinosaur that he insists is named Christopher Robin. When I asked him, "Like Christopher Robin from Winnie-the-Pooh?" he replied, "No, Mommy. Christopher Robin the dinosaur!" and rolled his eyes. Duh!

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  74. My 3 year old daughter has a knack for naming things so that only she can pronounce the name correctly or know what it is about. For months we have been trying to figure out what, who, where a Papadoo is. In my mind's eye, I think a Papadoo is something of an all knowing old Cajun man. My husband and I have tried to insert Papadoo into a conversation with our daughter for some discovery, and she tells us we said it wrong, or "that's not Papadoo!" Some examples of Papadoo use: "Momma, you're Papadoo!" "I'm Papadoo Margaret!" To her little sister "Papadoo, Papadoo, watch where you're going!" But if I ask what a Papadoo she says "Papadoo....it's something like...Papadoo!" I've asked at school, no one can explain it.

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  75. I am Grandma JoJo, but as my grandson was learning to talk, I became Gamma DoDo.

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  76. My daughter names EVERYTHING "Princess Flower _______". There's a groundhog in our neighborhood named Princess Flower Sarah. She has a goldfish named Princess Flower Ella. Our dog, Sadie, is Princess Flower Sadie. I'm NEVER Princess Flower Mommy, though. How sad.

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  77. My daughter has a weird obsession with trucks. She's a lazy talker, however, and doesn't pronounce it quite right. It comes out as *cock*. All trucks are now cocks. She's also recently learned the difference between little and big.

    We were at the children's museum this morning and there were about 60 people in there on a field trip. She spotted the emergency vehicle section, took off running, squealing at the top of her lungs: BIG COCK, BIG COCK, I LOVE BIG COCK.

    I just about died from embarrassment.

    (Also, sorry about the potty mouth that is in this anecdote about toy trucks.)

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  78. My 3yo son Ryan keeps calling his belly button his "penis button." So embarrassing.

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  79. Our 19 month old has only one named stuffed animal, a bunny named Maymay. We don't know where that came from. But he does call the dog Pooker instead of Cooper. We're waiting for it to get twisted into something more nefarious.

    When I was a child, my father suggested that I name a doll Salvador when I was having difficulty deciding on a name. She ended up being called Salvador Dolly, which got smiles from anyone familiar with Salvador Dali's work.

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  80. I didn't inappropriately name a toy. I inappropriately named my mother.

    When I was about 4 I had overheard an adult conversation which included the phrase "that old heifer". I loved it. So I named my mom that. Everywhere we went, I called her "Old Heifer". My favorite was in the middle of the grocery store when I got lost and repeatedly sobbed very loudly that I had lost my "old heifer" and just wanted to be back with my "old heifer". Here came my mom around the corner, blushing and red faced as several people snickered, trying to withhold their laughter that the "old heifer" had returned.

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  81. My older son called my husband Wolverine (like the superhero) for a while. As in, "Wolverine, could you please wipe my butt?" The first time we heard that, the man actually laughed so hard he was crying, shaking his head and mouthing at me "You don't want Wolverine to wipe your butt."

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  82. My almost three year old loves to name things after random sounds she makes.

    She was playing in the tub one day and says, "Come on Slut-la"

    Whuck?

    One pink rubber duck is now named Slutla..

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  83. Nothing too hilarious here yet, except that my two-year-old calls Cookie Monster "daddy." He knows his real name and gives it to me if I ask for Cookie Monster, but he insists on calling it Daddy. My husband said "wow I need to go on a diet" lol.

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  84. My three year old invented a fun game of tag (at his Christian Pre-school) and when he would tag someone, he would call out Pushy. Only it didn't come out Pushy. He has an adorable lisp and he could be heard teaching all the other kids to yell Pussy! Pussy! That was a fun parent-teacher conference.

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  85. My son is a huge train fan and has been since he was 18 months old. Around the time I introduced Thomas and his friends I showed him that Percy and Thomas could "click" together and ride along. My sons pronunciation wasn't the best so when he wanted to play trains he would shout "Pussy (Percy)! Prick (click)!"

    That was fun while walking down the toy aisles at Target.

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  86. When my middle son was two he started calling his grandfather P Pot. We have no idea why, since his older brother and cousins called him Grampa, but the name stuck and now they all call him P Pot. The grandfather in question was so tickled that he had this "unique" name that he had personalized tags made for his truck that said P Pot. He had them for 5 years and last year the state of Va made him surrender the tag because it was "excretory in nature". He was so sad and even wrote a letter to the DMV explaining that that was what his grandchildren called him but they wouldn't relent. No matter, he will always be P Pot to us,LOL

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  87. My daughter (who happens to be white), at the age of three picked out a little baby at Target that was African American. She promptly dubbed the baby, "baby white." She slipped all its clothes off (she does this with all her babies), and then immediately introduced baby white to the African American sales clerk.

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  88. My 2.5 year old loves Thomas the Tank Engine, and his buddy Percy. Well, one day, while out with my in-laws of course, my son starts screaming "Where my pussy?". My husband and I are turning red trying not to laugh, as our son keeps screaming that over and over again, and we have no idea what he wants. Luckily my in-laws are a little hard of hearing, but I think they still understood what he was saying. Finally, he said "Where my pussy train?". Of course he was asking for his Percy...now we know what he's asking for when he asks for his "pussy undies" (underwear with Percy on them).

    Rachel

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    Replies
    1. We had a huge bash for our oldest son's 3rd birthday and it was appropriately "Thomas" themed because he was obsessed at the time. He also had the same pronunciation of Percy and one of my girlfriends asked him, "So who's your favorite Thomas character?" Him; "Oh, I just loooooooove pussy".

      He is now almost 5 and we still giggle about it today.

      Delete
  89. My 3 yo daughter calls me and her dad "Chubby." As in, "I love you, Chubby"....and we really are not all that Chubby. I do not think she even knows what it means.

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  90. I was reading an animal book to my daughter when she was 2 (she is 6 now) when we came to a page with an armadillo. After I told her what it was, she promptly exclaimed, "Armadildo!" I'm such a fabulous mother that I never corrected her. She said it that way for quite some time. We are from Texas so we would see them quite often and every single time she would point and yell excitedly, "ARMADILDO"! It was too funny!

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  91. So, I don't think that my children have any interestingly named toys. I did want to add something that seemed relevant that my 3 yo just said. She recieved a bunch of play food for christmas, and has been running around feeding me food all day.

    She just brought me a *box of candy*, took out some *food* and said to me, "Here Mommy, eat my balls!"

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  92. Not a toy name, but my three year old son recently observed, "Mommy, you don't have a penis. You just have hair on the front of your butt.". This is now my husband's favorite thing to share with our friends.

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  93. My two year old calls his little blue bear blankie "Nasty Nasty"....I used to always tell him "Whew wee....that blankie smells nasty, stinky...let's wash it" and the name "Nasty Nasty" stuck with it....and it is! :P

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  94. My cousin gave his children a rabbit each one year. The eldest, a girl, called hers Snowball - yes is was a white rabbit and lovely and soft. Nothing wrong with that name. The youngest, a boy, took one look at his brown rabbit and called it Shaggy...he couldn't understand why all the adults fell about laughing.

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  95. I am pregnant with my third child. My second child (a boy) is 2 and a half years old and keep in mind still working on pronunciation of words. We have been talking about names and we keep asking my son what he thinks we should name his little brother. He doesn't usually have anything to say, so we started asking him to say names that are on our list. One name that we like is Maverick. I asked my son "Is your baby brother's name Maverick?" and he looked at me and said "my dick". Um, I can just see the old lady, "oh, what's your little brother's name?"......I guess we will move on to the next one?
    Laurie, Terrebonne, QC, Canada

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    Replies
    1. I think, that should be a test for ALL parents for the chosen name to be said by a small one, exactly like that. It would solve SO much sorrow in middle school for all of our children...

      Delete
  96. For about a year starting when he was two, my son named every animal Bob. Visit the Monterey Aquarium? Bob the Whale as a souvenir. Creepy camel he picked as a souvenir from the Morocco Pavilion at Epcot? Bob the Camel. A bag of my old stuffed animals my parents sent him? Bob, Bob, Bob and Bob. Then, one day, we were in an amusement park in California, riding a carousel. "Can I name my horse, mama?" "Of course," I said. "Is his name Bob?" My son looked at me like I was an idiot, and said "No, his name is Yoghurt." I'm pretty sure the whole Bob thing was a year long set-up for that.

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  97. This has to be the funniest moment I have ever shared with my best friend and her daughter.
    About 4 years ago, when she was 3 years old we went for a day trip to Plattsburg. Mia was sitting in the back seat and as a very talkative girl we were having a full on conversation.
    Her being 3 years old, it was around the time when she thought "poo" was the funniest word on the planet. So every answer, if she could get away with it was "poo"...and she thought she was a hilarious genius in the process.
    Well during the drive I casually ask her, "so Mia, if you were to get a puppy right now, what would it's name be?
    Without a beat she answers "poo-say"...we paused thinking did she really just say what we thought????
    YUP!
    Ensue a series of "poo-say, poo-say poo-say" which of course sound exactly like you think it does...
    I wanted to open the car door and roll out, that was how hard I was laughing.

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  98. My best friend's little boy always called animals by their names, they were never given true names. So when I got two baby kittens I told him he could name them. Kitten and Kitten they were called... but being only three it sounded more like Titten, so imaging my horror when we ran into each other at the supermarket and he yelled Aunt Manda, I want to see your Titties! Oh the stares!

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  99. My son (now 8) has always had a Lion obsession ( seeing Lionsak on the video brought back memories, we call him Leo). Around the age of 3 he receive a new lion, when asked what he was going to name it, his response "crack". My response was " That's nice, what about Cracker instead?" After much discussion he agreed to name it Cracker. The names for his other animals were a little more normal. Leo the lion, Ben the lion, Walter the black bear, and Camo the bear.

    This past Christmas we decided to get the boys a Guinea Pig. My 5 year old was tasked to name it, after much discussion he was named Fred "Super Pig". Why "super pig" you ask it's his secret identity.

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    Replies
    1. here in SC, naming a toy Cracker would be a little worse... I think...

      Delete
  100. My dad's name is Richard, and of course he goes by Dick (which was a nightmare at 13, but at 40 I can live with it). We have encouraged our 4 yr old son (I'll call him Noodle) to call him "Grandpa", but of course he's latched on to calling him "Grandpa Dick". That's fine and all - after all, most people are at least familiar with the idea of Dick as a name. Except Noodle has shortened it to "My Dick". So instead of saying "I want to play with my Grandpa Dick" (which is bad enough), he says "I want to play with my Dick." You can imagine all the conversations that happen... "When will I see my Dick again?" "Why can't I play with my Dick now?" "Does my Dick miss me?" "I'm going to go help my Dick!" "Bye Mom! I'm going to be with my Dick tonight!" It's especially awkward in public, and even worse when he's mad that we can't see Grandpa RIGHT NOW so he's screaming "Why won't you let me see my Dick! I want to play with my Dick RIGHT NOW!" Trying to say "You'll see GRANDPA Dick in a few hours" through gritted teeth never seems to work.

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    Replies
    1. OH! This one... awesomesauce... so sorry (through tears of hilarity)

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    2. Lol!!! I too had a grandpa dick that I loved dearly. I can't imagine the reaction I would get if I ask him "are you my dick?". Hahaha this is too awesome!

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  101. My 3 year old daughter has a stuffed purple dragon named Puppy Dagger. My MIL gave it to her for Christmas this year. She hardly ever plays with it except to use it as a pillow, and when she wants him she says "I want my puppy." your puppy? "Yeah my puppy dagger. its my dildo (pillow)." Face palm.

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  102. When my son was two we heard him giggling in his crib. When I walked in to see what was so funny he grabbed his 'Nutsak', stretched it farther than humanly possible and proclaimed 'Look, Mom! Tentacles!'

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  103. My 5 year old named her stuffed panda Mr boney pants. My 2 year old also nicknamed his older sister "we we" since he cant say her name, Miranda. Makes no sense at all but we all get a little giggle out of it.

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  104. Lovely little Emily who is now 13 always referred to Hello Kitty as Hello Titty.

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    Replies
    1. Haha!! My 3 year old calls his blankie "tee-tee" but when he says it it comes out as "titty", well when he gets a boo boo he likes to rub his "tee-tee" on the hurt to make it feel better, so about 10 times a day no matter where we are, if he gets hurt he starts crying and yelling "titty, my titty, I need titty". Yep. My life.

      Delete
  105. Last Christmas when my daughter was 3 she got a little baby doll and named her Tasty. I swear I never tried to eat my children but there she is yelling "Where's my Tasty Baby?" What! Is she gonna make soup or something??????

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  106. My daughter doesn't name her toys anything. But when her little brother was born she was 22 months old. I called him cutie pie and she would call him "booty time". Or just just booty for short.

    So at the grocery store she would say, in her cutest possible baby voice, "hey booty time, you're so cute booty." people looked at me like I was nuts. But it was so darn cute.

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  107. My daughter has a stuffed hippo she named herpes. She would wake up every morning and say "look momma, I have herpes!!!"

    I had to laugh everytime.

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  108. My son loves all things "Star Hoars"...lovely, especially with the movie coming out soon we get to hear it a lot!

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  109. Thanks for the inspiration! It led me to compile this list of things the kids have said that stuck with me: http://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/02/phalluses-and-other-inappropriate.html

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  110. My daughter isn't naming stuffed animals yet. But she is learning words and we've been working on "pretty". She has a strange fascination with my bras, she thinks they are awesome and she will wear them like strange capes if she can get her mitts on one. Imagine my horror, and the laughter of my husband and bewilderment of my parents, when the other day she knew I was wearing a hot pink bra (it's her favorite) and she climbed up in my lap, shoved her hand down my shirt, grabbed my bra and exclaimed loudly and happily "pretty!" only she hasn't quite gotten the "p" down yet. It came out "titty!" Awesome.

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  111. My Mom's nickname was Butch. When my cousin's were small they all called her Aunt Bitch. It tickled her every time.

    At my son's middle school, they had some pet hermit crabs. One of his friends was looking at the crabs one day and said, hey look at the little testicles.
    The teacher was so tickled it was quite some time before she could correct him to tentacles.

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  112. My 5 year old daughter(Kylie) named her stuffed panda bear Mr Boney Pants. My 2 year old son has also nicknamed my other daughter "We We". See her twin sister's name is Kylie and we call her "Le Le" for short. Zach Can't say Miranda or her nickname of "Randa", so he offically dubbed her, "We We". Makes no sense to us, but it gives us the giggle fits when we tell him to go tell his "we we" goodnight. "Zach, We don't hit our "we we", go give her a hug and tell her you're sorry!" Just try saying that with a straight face. Makes discipline very difficult! *Sigh* Hard to say which one's going to end up with a bigger therapy bill as an adult.

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  113. MY sweet 6 year old got a little yellow donkey out of a gumball machine. His name? Honkey The Donkey. Of course.

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  114. My little sister used to carry around a blanket and would wrap one corner of it around her thumb and suck on it. It started to get quite gross so we called it the Caca string. This got shortened to Cocky string, which then got shortened to just Cock. This of course led to such statements of "Elise, stop sucking Cock" or her crying out in public having a tantrum "I want to suck Cock!" We had no idea what we were actually saying, and apparently neither did our parents because they never tried to stop us (then again, my parents probably thought this was too funny to correct).

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  115. When my son was just about two, we went over to visit the Very Religious family down the street. My son loved trucks (not dinosaurs, not superheroes, etc.) and he wanted to talk about them. He could say fire, and he could say truck, but he could not pronounce the two syllables together. He kept saying f*ck.

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  116. My 5 kids have a big green lizard that one of my exes won me at a fair a long time ago. My kids love this thing and fight over who gets to have "custody" of it. Why this thing? Because it looks like a giant penis. And so, they named him Big Dick. "It's my turn to have big dick tonight!!" Good times.

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  117. My uncle once had a cat that kept falling out of the window. He had a real name, but my uncle started calling him "Stupid Ass". So, the cat's name became Stupid Ass.

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  118. At a very small age, my daughter named her giraffes "Dig." Now, while you outright have a Dick (and a Prick), Dig comes close, especially when my daughter screams out, "Where's my Dig??!" or talks about Daddy Dig, Mommy Dig, and Baby Dig. She's also been known to sigh contentedly, "I love Dig."

    Jo
    http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/

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  119. My older daughter (Peach) came to us one day (about age 5 or 6) and told us about her new (imaginary) friend, "Vonika" -pronounced voe-KNEE-ka. DH looked askance at this, so I told about my imaginary friend from childhood, Wilhemina. Later that night, Peach came to us to inform us that Wilhemina had come back to play with her, since she was the kid now. And that Vonika and Wilhemina got along just fine, thank you very much.

    My younger daughter (Daisy) would have her breakfast as a toddler every morning in her high chair. . .but she had to have her favorite little stuffed puppy dog with her. One morning, after finishing her cereal but leaving a bit of milk in the bowl, she very carefully set the puppy into the cerreal bowl. As DH removed her from the high chair, she told him to "get my MilkButt, too." That is one stuffed animal she says she'll never give away. "MilkButt is *special*, Mama!"

    Peach and Daisy are 13 and 8, respectively, now. As I was typing the rest of this, Daisy brought the fresh pineapple their grandfather got them at the store last night. It was too perfect to not add it to my post. No, I don't care if she's embarassed in 9 or 10 years.

    Daisy: Guess what I named this pineapple, Mama.
    Me: You named it?
    Daisy: Yeah, guess what I named it.
    Me: I have no idea. What's it's name?
    Daisy (with huge smile): Peanut Butter.
    Me: Solid.

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  120. My son loves to make up inappropriate words too! Some are for imaginary friends such as "Dikes". Others are random verbs and nouns like vaginations (a verb)and consumation (also a verb)! Yep he's 4! Gotta love um : )

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  121. My youngest son has a Beanie Baby, clearly labeled as a Husky dog. My son will refer to said Beanie Baby as a boy, yet decided to name this male dog "her-the-cat." He grows VERY upset when you try to tell him this thing is a dog. My oldest son won two soft/squishy plastic pencil toppers in the shapes of elephants (his favorite!!) from a machine and decided to name the bigger one "sweet" (ok, fine, whatever) and the small one "teat." (Ummmmmm??????)

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  122. My then three year old daughter (who's now 7) named her grandparents "Mooma" (grandma) and "Poopah" (grandpa). No idea where it came from, since she said it randomly while we were driving to their house one day. Now all three of my girls call them that, and my mother-in-law giggles a litte each time she hears my girls say "poopah"

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  123. My son spent an ENTIRE YEAR calling me 'Helen' (My name is Kelsey... He just decided i ought to be named after a character in his favourite movie, The Incredibles)

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  124. I love some of 21 month old's words: horse is "ho" and teddy sounds more like "tiddy" so if you hold up his teddy and a horse together you get tiddy ho.

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  125. My daughter has one of those little pink Gund blankets that has a cat head affixed to one corner. She loves it and takes it everywhere. We have 3 in case on gets lost, but she is really only attached to one of them. It is well loved and worn, and is turning grey on the edges even when fresh out of the dryer. To distinguish it from the other she calls it "the dirty." We tease her about how it stinks, etc. At bedtime it is not uncommon to hear such endearing phrases as "Daddy, have you seen my dirty kitty?" or "Mommy loves the smell of my dirty kitty." Niiiiiice. Especially if we have guests.

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  126. When my son was little he had a stuffed camel that he named "Humpy." What made it funnier for us was that he got it at the zoo after we witnessed the real life camels... well... doing just that. lol Giggled every time!

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  127. We have had an unreal amount of rain this winter and our Saint Bernard, Tucker, likes to go out and lay in the mud. Because of this, my four year old has taken to calling him 'Muddy Tucker'.

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  128. My older daughter named one of her horses Purple Nurple.

    After I laughed myself silly, then explained what it was, my younger daughter tried to give one to herself.

    My life is AWESOME.

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  129. My girls have a stuffed hippo named 'Nipples', they have been known to correct people 'Nipples NOT Nibbles'!

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  130. Oh, and we have an entire video of my very young daughter naming the things on flashcards, and when we come to FROG, she says FUCK. Loud and clear. So of course we had to keep having her name FROG. Poor little child, a video of her saying fuck like 32897493084 times.

    Jo
    http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/

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  131. Speaking the FROG video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAOTwFTTUUo

    :)

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  132. My dog has a toy beaver. Nothing like my then 6-year old yelling outside, "That's it Maddy (the dog), get your beaver, play with your beaver!" At the top of her lungs. I couldn't stop her because I was inside, bent over and trying not to pee my pants.

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  133. My 4 yo daughter calls " puss n boots" PUSSY BOOTS. My husband and I die laughing every.damn.time. lmao

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  134. My daughter really wanted a beaver for Christmas so my sister looked everywhere and finally found one. My darling daughter is ridiculously literal so beaver's name is beaver (kitty is kitty, her fish is 'black and orange fishy', etc.). The funny part is how much she talks about it. "I bet you've never seen a girl with a beaver before!" "My beaver loves to eat wood." "My beaver has teeth!" and then my son gets in on it with gems like "would you stop going on about your beaver!". Neither of them understand why the adults are trying not to die laughing.

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  135. My four year old niece named two of her stuffies...'cuntsy' & 'fukkah', no word of a lie!

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  136. Okay, so this is actually a man/woman/dog fiasco, not a kid story. Our 55+ year old male friend was over one day, and just about bust a gut (or something else) when he saw the Sandra Boyton "Pookie" books that were out in my living room for my toddler. Apparently, "Pookie" is the name he and his wife call their dog's vagina. Why they have named it is beyond me. But he enjoyed "Night Night, Little Pookie," and his particular favorite was "Let's Dance, Little Pookie."

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  137. There's a Sandra Boynton book called "But Not the Hippopotamus", and at the very end it reads, "but not the armadillo". For over a year my daughter pronounced it "armaDILDO".

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  138. My 3 year old son loves playing angry birds. We were at a birthday party last weekend (and the family is very strict and proper) with an Angry Birds theme. My son says "oh, look, Angry Birds cake!" The Mom asks my son, "what is your favorite bird?".

    My son replies, enthusiastically, "the Cheesepecker!"

    That is what he calls the green one with the long beak. (I always assumed he meant the yellow one, but he is adament it is the one with the long beak).

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  139. My daughter names all her pets what they are - giraffe is giraffe, hippopatumus is hippopatumus, etc. Except she pronounces bear "beer". Imagine the horrified looks I get as she is screaming in public "I need my beer!!!!".

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  140. My inlaws are from Montana, so when they got a new all black kitten, they named her Black Butte, pronounced as Black Beauty. When we visited them last summer, my 2 1/2 year old treated us to a week of "come back here, Black Booty" and "I love Black Booty".

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  141. for the past 15 years we have been the proud owners of booobly the bear, my daughers favorite companion

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  142. My absolute two favorite mispronunciations of my kids' are the following: my 23 month old likes to mimic what I do around the house. Whenever I open the oven door I always say, "Hot! Back up! Back up!". Last night he was pretending to be cooking and went to the oven door and started shouting, "F**k up! F**k up!"
    The other belongs to my 3.5 year old. He always asks me if I have a penis and I say no, mommy has a vulva. He now goes around saying "mommy, you don't have a penis, you have a Volvo." Yup, a safe, boxy Volvo preferred by men over 40. Can't look at a Volvo the same anymore :-o

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  143. Doing a poo, wait for the sound of it hitting the water, then shout "Mummy, Splash, Pond!" at the top of your 3 year old lungs

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  144. When my oldest was 3 she came in to our kitchen and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was writting a Daddy Do List (list of things I needed my husband to do). Apparently she heard me wrong because when my husband came home she ran to him and yalling "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy made you a do-sh!t. I almost died laughing and we have called our lists do-sh!t lists since then.

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  145. My oldest son tried thought that his baby brother was named Tarzan. He told everyone. For like the entire first month. We thought it was cute, but it took months (MONTHS!) for him to understand it was not actually Tarzan.

    He was also disappointed his little brother was not born ready to literally swing from the trees.

    Such a disappointment.

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  146. One more - my oldest son also could never remember the name of some things.

    Cookie Monster was "Cocky Popper"
    Rice crispie treats were called "Christ Rescue Bars"

    And (embarrassingly) all little African American boys were named "Michael" and Asian girls were "Sonia". Thanks for your cultural diversity, Little People toys.

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  147. My husband decided to teach his sons to call their penis a "chicken" and their balls "grapes" Now that they are older they know the "real" words for their anatomical parts. I don't think I even need to begin to tell you how much they still laugh when I tell them to "eat your grapes" or "we're having chicken for dinner tonight"....insert your own dirty joke here...

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  148. My husband loves Back to the Future and felt it was totally appropriate to let our sons age 3&4 then, now 5&6, watch that movie...it has some pretty good cuss words in it...I ain't a prude. My oldest had given the younest a teddy bear on the day he was born. The youngest has a love hate relationship with critters. After watching Back to the Future Part 2, the oldest decided to take the bear back and name him Marty McFly...a fight ensued...a MMA/WWE/ Smackdown...the youngest took the bear back and started calling him "Oh,Sh*t! Back to the Future (pronounced Bute-Chure) Part 2." We are still just trying to get the youngest to call him Teddy...but he just uses Oh, Sh*t. I'm debating on throwing the bear away...

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  149. At 3 years old, my oldest was sure to tell people that he likes porn (corn) and hookers (any vehicle that could tow). We actually have a video of him saying it...somewhere. I cannot wait to play that little snippet at his HS graduation party.

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