Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Help This Woman - Relationship Advice Please!

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. And that holiday, like Mother's Day, has a tendency to disappoint. So I want to try something. In the past, we’ve run a bunch of advice columns called Help This Woman.

It’s not ever me giving the advice, because I am a moron. Moms write to MommyLand with a problem, and I have no idea what to say so I ask you. And you respond with your advice by leaving comments. And then the mom in question can read through the hundreds comments and decide what she wants to do about her problem.

I recently started thinking about my job before I had kids. My boss would give me lots and lots of information that was either too much to read through, or it didn’t make sense, or no one else knew what to do with it. And I would play with all that information and look at it for a long time. And I would analyze it until it made sense to me. Then I would write a report. Sometimes I would use graphs and charts and stuff, because I dearly love them.

WHY HAVEN’T I BEEN DOING THAT IN MOMMYLAND?!?

I mean, you guys are ten times smarter and funnier than I am. The answers and advice you give are based on experience and practical wisdom. Almost all your responses are kind and thoughtful and reasonable. I ask your advice all the time and I almost always follow it - because it’s awesome. So why haven’t I been taking all of your invaluable advice, analyzing it and then writing a memo? I mean, just based on what you hookers told my Aunt Mary – we could create the definitive guide to being a good mother in law. Do you even know how many lives we could save?!

So here’s my proposed experiment:

I want to know what you do when your relationship is starting to feel schmidty. What is the best advice you could give someone about how to have a happy, healthy marriage (or long term relationship)? And let’s be extremely honest here. I asked my very dear friend this same question a long time ago and his answer was: “The key to a healthy marriage? Don’t be stingy with the BJ’s.
That’s actually pretty useful information. So what has worked for you? Leave a sentence or a paragraph. Leave a story or an anecdote or what your grandma told you the day you got married.

If you leave your advice, I promise to put together a kick-ass report for Valentine’s Day:
The MommyLand Guide to Having Your Relationship Not Suck Balls
(Unless That’s What You’re Into)*

*Just kidding about that last part. You know we're too squeamish to actually talk about sexytime in a serious way. Unless it's so we can make a "That's What She Said" joke about it.

Thank you hookers!
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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