Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Five Reasons The Beautiful Spring Weather is Kicking My Ass

The weather has been amazing this past week. Flowers blooming, sun shining, warm breezes blowing... It's unbelievably lovely and reminds me of how every year the earth renews itself and how we can do the same thing... And then something clicks in my brain. And it reminds me that there's another side to Spring prematurely ejaculating all over my neighborhood.

1. The Unpleasant Motor Vehicle Olfactory Reminder
I thought my van was clean. Maybe not clean. Maybe more like "not embarrassing". And then we had three days in a row of warm weather. And I opened up my car door and was greeted with a smell that reminded me that in the winter - it takes a lot longer for an undiscovered milk-box to sour and become the most disgusting, rancid thing in the world. If you combine that with the smell of dog, a bag of trash containing used pull-ups, and some other stuff that I can't even contemplate without chuking, you have a general idea of what I'm talking to.

2. Attempting to Keep My Offspring From Appearing Insane and/or Raised by Wolves
How do you explain to your child that although it was 70 degrees and sunny yesterday, they may not wear flip flops and shorts to school today? Because although yesterday was springtime perfection, today flurries are expected and if I let you wear that to school, they will call County Services and I do NOT need that to happen. Particularly when my van smells like there's a corpse in it because someone forgot to throw out their turkey sandwich last week and I haven't found it yet.

3. The Mystery of the Outer Layer
Some people would very wisely advise that solving the problem of apparel when it is icy cold in the morning and warm and sunny by lunchtime, would be to deploy a layering strategy. That's what I thought, too. That strategy however, has led to the mysterious disappearance of an entire generation of hoodies, light jackets and long-sleeved shirts. Where do they go? Perhaps to the same far away land as the hundreds of gloves that went missing this winter. The main difference? Gloves are $1/pair and hoodies are $20 a piece. I can grudgingly accept the loss of a few gloves, particularly as I now buy them in bulk. But hoodies, sweatshirts and jackets?? NO SIR. I must now mount a search party which will meet at the base of Mt. LostandFound in the elementary school cafeteria, where I pray I will be successful in both finding lost jackets and avoiding headlice.

4. Why Is Mommy So Scary Right Now?
This is very magical graphiti from our town.
Seasonal mutherfunking allergies. Right now I have allergy-induced pink eye. OOZING PINK EYE. Because of pollen. The kids are sneezy and miserable and somehow their symptoms always seem to magically worsen at the exact moment that I need them to go to sleep at night or I will lose my ever-loving mind. And of course, coughing and dripping means that no one is actually sleeping. And moreover, I can't take anti-histamines because my body reacts to them the same way it does to Jack Daniels. So I just have to deal with the allergies and crazy eyes and the not ever sleeping. And hookers, it ain't pretty. Because I look like I got into a fight with a Zombie Lionel Ritchie and I lost.

5. And Randy the Laundry Fairy Rejoiced
In the winter, if I forget that I have a load of laundry in the wash for a day or two - nothing happens. When it becomes warm and lovely again - I have exactly 24 hours before the funk sets in. Less than that if there's towels involved. My towels are very special. They seem to be specially engineered to acquire the funky smell and never, ever let it go. Hence, it becomes normal for me to wash the same load of laundry three times. The laundry situation completely blows up when Seasonal Clothing Migration becomes imminent. When you need to keep both cold weather clothes handy because it could still snow, but you also need t-shirts because right now it's hot out. And when this happens... the terrorists have won. And by terrorists, I mean laundry.

And those are the five reasons why the beautiful spring weather, with all its warm, breezy, daffodil-y beauty... is kicking my ass. If you want to read four more reasons, you can check 'em out here on Strollerderby.

xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

26 comments:

  1. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that ends up doing the same load of laundry two or three times!

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  2. I can't help you with the rest of it all, but put some vinegar in the rinse cycle with the towels next time, it kills the funk. Good luck.

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  3. #1 - Having the same issue with the cat pee on the carpet that I flooded with odor eliminator 6 times last month - ewwww.

    #3 - And this is what I don't get about the lost&found at school - there are snow boots in there, and winter coats - how are those things not missed???

    #5 - Not sure how it works on towels left in the washer for 3 days, but if your towels smell good out of the dryer and then smell funky after they get wet, I tried http://www.smellywasher.com/ and it actually worked! Noticed they have separate bottles for the washer and towels now - when I ordered, there was just the washer formula and you used it on towels too. Also saw something like this in the store from Tide?

    Happy spring!

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  4. Did you HAVE to remind us of the Seasonal Clothing Migration?
    whimper.
    sob.

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  5. Spring and Daylight Savings Time. The time of year when it's hard to fall asleep at night, and the birds happily start chirping away at 0-dark-30. I'm with you on the allergies - leaf mould from melting snow... and we still have half the snow left.

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  6. Have you tried Zaditor eye drops? They are over the counter and are GREAT for ichy ooze eyes caused by cats, trees, smelly mommy vehicles or any other allergy.

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  7. well, that explains the pink eye that won't go away! I thought my little infection laden beast shared his germs with me, but I guess not.

    On the plus side, the plugged solid yet still running nose makes it harder to smell the gross car smells :)

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  8. With the towels I always had the same problem until I washed them on hot. Up until that day, I had doggedly washed everything in cold except for bedding... but towels... they now get the hot treatment and we no longer have that lingering mildew smell after a million washes. I live in FL so we know humidity and heat. And right now... our A/C is out and it's springtime wet and steamy. I look like one giant greasy zit with stringed out hair. It's not pretty. And to top that off, I just sneezed and since I had my coffee cup near my mouth, I sprayed coffee all over my laptop. Nice! Gotta lurve spring.

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    Replies
    1. I somehow want to be your best friend right now.

      I'm a sneezer too, and my best was sneezing JUST as I was about to take a bite of pizza. Which I had just loaded with grated Parmesan cheese. POOF! Cheese EVERYWHERE.

      --kate in MI

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  9. There is an easy and cheap way to prevent laundry funk and I guarantee you have it in your pantry. White distilled vinegar. With my laundry, I always have the water start, pour my detergent in and then add clothes as the water is going (this gives me time to find all the unwashable treasures such as Ipods, phones, transit passes, etc. This also prevents some clothes getting tons of detergent and some getting none by the pour detergent on dry dirty clothes method. )

    Pour a small amount of vinegar in while the water is running and before you put the clothes in. I just eyeball it- maybe two tablespoons. If it smells like pickles, it's too much. You will not have funky towels anymore.

    Vinegar has another added bonus. Instead of buying expensive Jet Dry for the dishwasher- pour a small amount of vinegar in your jet dry dispenser. It does the same thing at much cheaper cost.

    And if you are into the environment (or just pretend to be!) it is a greener alternative than chemicals.

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  10. This is perfect timing! I woke up sneezing my head off and now have sinus pressure like no other all while trying to dress my daughter for winter at the bus stop and summer by recess. Looks like I need a tub to pull out of the attic for the "whatever the hell this season is" times.

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  11. LMAO at the post and the comments. You all are too much!

    So, I like, fifth the vinegar thing. It takes the pee-smell out of things too, so cat-pee on carpet lady (which used to be me till I banned the cat from the house) - a spray bottle of 50/50 water/white vinegar on that area should do the trick. You'll need to saturate it, blot it with a towel, repeat then hit it with the blow-dryer. Sounds like an ass-pain, but it works!

    And yes, the car funk! My car has a water leak from somewhere we haven't found to the passenger floorboard. During the winter the mildew-y carpet doesn't smell,and the leak slows. Warm weather = funky mildew ride, squishy carpet and can't put anything on the foor you don't want ruined time. Plus the backseat that some kid who'll remain nameless though it was funny to drip milk onto from the sippy.
    *shudder*
    **sigh**
    ***MASSIVE eye-roll***

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  12. Thank you, thank you for this post. It's so very nice to know that I am normal!

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  13. Word of advice: Add baking soda to the washer when you're putting in the laundry. Or, if you have a deep shop sink, soak towels in water and baking soda for a while before washing them. Funk will be removed. White vinegar works wonders, too, as it is a natural color-safe bleach. Clothing gets super clean, funk smell gets removed, and you can still throw in fabric softener to make everything smell like Lavendar-Vanilla-Awesomeness.

    For your sinuses, try nasal irrigation. (Something like this: http://www.amazon.com/SinuCleanse-Sqeeze-Nasal-Wash-Kit/dp/B00168H6UC) It'll clear your sinuses better than any decongestant. Combine it with Advil to reduce the swelling of your sinus cavities to allow for better nasal drainage, and a dab of Tea Tree Oil or Vicks on your pillow (or a rag inside your pillow case). I know it sounds gross and slightly disturbing, but trust me. I've been a lifelong sufferer of all things sinus-related and this freaking works.

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  14. I opened my car door on Sunday and the smell that came out made me gag! I still haven't a clue to what it is, I've looked every where.

    http://2bestfriendschubbyroadtoskinny.blogspot.com/

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  15. I'll add another vote of support for Vinegar in the wash. Wash towels on Hot. Throw in 1/2 to 1 cup of baking soda (I buy the giant bags at Sam's Club) with the wash, and it it's really stinky, a splash of white vinegar with the rinse cycle.

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  16. Try using that Oxy Clean stuff that comes in the tub. Its a powder and you put it right in with your close. My Shrek is allergic to bleach so its a no use on white cloths and that Oxy Clan stuff works great and it makes the close smell good too. Also for the smell there is the Downey ball you could use and when you toss them in the dryer you can toss in a couple dryer sheets and it helps with double fabric softener. I've recently after years of using Surf had to switch to All Clean and Free with out dies and stuff which sucks cause I likes my smelly good close.

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  17. Yup, want to pull my eyes out too. Wonderful spring weather Saturday, Today I am looking at 1/2" of snow with large flakes still falling. Yay Spring Break!

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  18. I agree with the others - the white vinegar works wonders on laundry and carpet odors!

    Also, make a homemade car freshener. Buy your favorite scented soap and put it under the seat in your car. The smell lasts months and its far cheaper than any commercial air freshener. If you like it strong, unwrap and transfer it into a mesh bag. Put it in a bowl if you are worried about carpet discoloration.

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  19. BORAX!! Use borax in your laundry! It's like magic fairy dust! Only much cheaper (I assume). I was apprehensive at first, but it's cheap so I figured what the hell. And I swear by it now.

    I had a "souring" problem in our fairly new TOP LOADING washer and was not thrilled at the idea of buying expensive cleaning tablets which require tossing them into and empty washer on hot once a month. Dumb.

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  20. 2nding the nasal irrigation for allergies. It is so, so gross, but oddly effective. Some other tips from a long-time very serious allergy sufferer:
    -Keep doors and windows closed and run fans or the AC. That nice cool fresh spring air is making you miserable, be nice to yourself!
    -If your car has a "recirculate air" button near the a/c controls, use it and keep car windows closed.
    -If you're going to be outside for a while, wear a surgical mask. Yes you will look ridiculous but you will feel SO much better.
    -Go to your local farmer's market if you're lucky enough to have one and buy some local honey. Take 1 tablespoon/day to help reduce your sensitivity to local pollens. I like to make a peanut butter and honey sandwich or put it in a warm cup of tea. Or whatever you like to do with honey. If you start to get sick of it think of it as medicine and just take it for your health if you have to.
    -Make sure the air filters in your car and home are fresh, change the one in your house monthly during pollen season.
    -If your vacuum has a HEPA filter, make sure to vacuum at least once a week and have someone else clean the filter after every use. If your vacuum doesn't have a HEPA filter, see if someone you know has one you can borrow during pollen season. If you have both pollen allergies and fall mold allergies, it might be worth investing in a vacuum with a HEPA filter if you don't have one already. Hope these can help someone!

    Jessica in GA

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  21. This site is my new best friend! Wow ! It's nice not being I. These struggles alone.

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  22. You can use vinegar for EVERYTHING. Laundry, mix equalparts with blue Dawn dishsoap that you heat in the microwave until you can shake it together with the vingear, put in spray bottle and its the best scum cleaner ever, ou can spray vinegar right on ants and it kills them asap and its safe for kids/animals! Im sure theres a list on pinterest of all the uses for it!

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  23. April and May possibly are the worst times of the entire
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