Wednesday, April 4, 2012

5 Dating Sites My Daughter Will Be Allowed to Use

YES! It could happen!
My daughter is almost 9 and thankfully she's still not that into boys. But some of her friends are. Some of them are starting to have crushes. It is making me insane. I swear about 5 minutes ago they were all playing Polly Pockets and asking for juice boxes.

I WANT THAT BACK.

So my husband, the incomparable Cap'n Coupon, and I discussed the future and the fact that some day (too soon) she will start to notice boys and they will start notice her. And we both were filled with dread and panic. So the Cap'n and I let our fear turn the conversation in a very stupid direction and we began suggesting a list of completely imaginary dating websites that she would be allowed to use when she's a teenager to pick her future boyfriends.


Here is that list:



www.Amish Boyfriends.com
Guess what? It's a secret...
They don't even have computers.
They like things simple. And if they cursed, their whole attitude would be like: "Suck it, Fancy" which is something I can really get behind.

www.Canadian and Car-less.com
Have fun Skyping, kids!
You can text each other, too. Just not after 10 on school nights.

www.HalitosisTeens.com
You're adorable! But your breathe smells like doodoo.
Which may cut down on the making out and stuff.

www.My Dad is in Law Enforcement.com
In order to join, you click an "I agree" statement that says: Curfews are enforced. Her father means it when he says 10pm and he has a gun.
This guy gets it.

www.I Heart My Promise Ring.com
Holding hands is perfect. Do that.
Holding hands three feet apart? BETTER STILL.
If you feel like leaving me a suggestion for another imaginary dating website, that would be awesome. If I get enough good ones, I will post them and we all rejoice in our denial that our kids will ever be big enough to want to date anyone.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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