Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Conversations with a Three Year Old

My daughter Mini is three years old and is a precious little cupcake baked by the devil. Here are some of the conversations I’ve had with her lately. Including questions. Questions that no sane person can answer.

Mini: You know Mr. Jones who lives in da house right dere?
Me: Yes.
Mini: Why does he look like a person?
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: I'm skeptical.
Me: ??
Mini: I am.
Me: ??
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: Oh.

When she says “oh” it sounds like this:“eau”. And also it’s about ten syllables long. I adore hearing her say “oh”. It’s like listening to a bored Frenchman. Who is 3 and looks like a Carebear.

The next day…
Mini: Do we have a cousin named Bob?
Me: No.
Mini: (crestfallen and forlorn) Oh.
Me: Are you disappointed?
Mini: (incredulous that I would even have to ask) YES. I am. Yes....
(Sigh followed by long pause)
Mini: I miss Bob.
Me: But we don't...
Mini: I KNOW. And I miss him.

With her father at the Wegmans…
Mini: Why does that man have a bucket on his head?
Cap’n: (scared to looked. Sighs in relief as sees person in question is in fact a man) That’s not a bucket, that’s a chef’s hat.
Mini: Oh.
Cap’n: You look skeptical.
Mini: It looks like a bucket. Made of paper.
Cap’n: It’s a hat.
Mini: A paper bucket is not smart.
Cap’n: Good point.
Mini: A paper hat is good, though.
Cap’n: Yes.
Mini: Just not that one because it looks like a bucket.
(stares in scorn at the chef who seems confused and alarmed as to what he had done to make her so angry)

Doing dishes in the kitchen, looking out the window at the back yard where Mini is playing. Upon hearing maniacal laughter, I ask:
Me: Mini, is everything all right out there?
Mini: Yes! I’m just playing wif my fwiend.
Me: Is your friend a toy?
Mini: No, he’s a person. I love him and he’s my baby. WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Me: ??
(I decide to go outside)
Me: What's going on?
Me: Who is Callito? Where is Callito? (I look around nervously, expecting a small boy wearing a rescue pack and accompanied by a baby jaguar or something)
Mini: He's right here. He keeps falling off the swing. ON PURPOSE.
Me: Callito is a rock?
Mini: No. Callito is a stone.
Me: Please don’t push him on the swing because if he flies off he could really hurt you.
Mini: He’s a baby. He could hurt himself.
Me: Well then, Callito shouldn’t be on the swing.
Mini: (Sighs) I know what I’m doing.

I'm glad someone does.
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I Carry Your Heart

Happy Mother’s Day!

No, really, I mean it. This is a truly happy Mother’s Day thanks to the generosity and sheer kindness of all of our Mommyland Mother Pucker helpers. We took all that commercialized, superficial, hyped-up Mother’s Day bullschmidt and we kicked it right in the crotch, like Ralph Macchio doing a crane kick to Johnny’s nuts.

Thanks to you, we helped hundreds of Mommyland moms feel appreciated and loved.

Thanks to you, we helped donate money for over three thousand Clean Birth Kits.

Thanks to you, we got the idea to help moms in our own communities, and we made giftbags for every mom in a homeless or domestic abuse shelter in Fairfax, VA.

Thanks to you, we took Mother’s Day BACK!

Here are just a few messages and emails we’ve received this weekend so you can feel the love along with us.
Kate, Lydia, and I each picked out our own moms to Puck. In fact, Lydia took three moms because she is an overachiever. Here is a photo Lydia sent to me of the care packages she made for her Puckees:
Yes, that is Mini's hand trying to steal the individual t-box. I'm surprised Kate didn't slide tackle Mini to get to those sharpies.
How awesome is this?!? Wouldn’t you just fall over if you got a package like this from Lydia?
I received a beautiful package today from Ann Jones. Personalized stationary that she clearly made. SHE made it. Just for me. To brighten MY day. Addressed "to a wonderful mother."

I cried. I'm crying. This couldn't be a more perfect gift for me. But even more than the fact that it's perfect is that someone thought of me. And put time and effort in to show appreciation. And that makes it beyond perfect.

Thank you, Ann Jones.
And thank you, Kate, Lydia and Guru.
I can't express just how special you made today... I think I'll use the pen for my grocery list. To remind me that I am appreciated even when I'm doing the most thankless task in the house.

Happy tears,

[Editor's note: I know Ann Jones in real life. She is so awesome that she might ride a unicorn to swim practice on Sundays. She also made 100 of the most beautiful cards you've ever seen, so that every gift bag came with extra love. xo, Lydia]

You MotherPuckers turned the tables on me!!!! I signed up to be a MP and got my gift out and felt so good about it. Was thinking life was going to lift her up and all was good. Had a rough day today and wouldn't you know the UPS man showed up with a box of roses and I was looking at my husband asking if this was from him and he was as confused as I was. Another wonderful MP sent ME a gift!!! Melissa Murphy, where ever you live.

You made my day today. My son has Muscular Dystrophy and today was clinic day which is always a rough one. You can live day to day dealing with a progressive and fatal disease, but when you have to go to clinic you are forced to face the disease for that day. Your flowers have lifted my spirits so much. You have NO idea how much it meant. God's timing in delivering those today was obvious.

Thank you ladies. I set out to be a MP to help another mom and in the process you still managed to help me. Love all of you hookers!

You guys have made my Mother Pucking DAY!!!!! Woohoo! My husband and I are both in awe of the kindness around the world today! I emailed you earlier about some flowers I received yesterday that took me by surprise and kept me smiling all day and then today imagine my surprise with another gift from a totally different HOOKER arrived!!! A target gift card! Ladies, from the bottom of my heart, thank you thank you! And to both my Helping Hookers, I wish I could hug your necks!
And now I have to tell you my Mother Pucker story.

We got a beautiful, amazing email from a woman who lives near me asking for the name of another mom so she could brighten someone’s Mother’s Day. She then went on to explain that this year would be her first Mother’s Day without her perfect baby girl who died six and a half months ago, born at 39 ½ weeks but tangled up in her cord.

She said 1 in 115 babies in the U.S. are stillborn, meaning there are thousands of moms out there today who desperately loved their babies and gave birth but just didn’t get to bring them home.

Amanda, the depth of your loss is unimaginable. And when we got your email all three of us cried. We cried for you and for all those thousands of moms out there who waited and planned and hoped for healthy babies and didn’t get them.

The bond between mother and child is so incredibly strong that I imagine you spend your days feeling like a large part of you is missing. I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 15 years-old and even now, as a grown woman with my own family, I still don’t feel complete.

So I’ve spent a lot of time and effort trying to fill my gaping hole with other very meaningful people…loving friends, inspiring mentors, strong female role models. But still, there is something missing because that bond between me and my mom was broken too soon. And as you know, that bond started long before I was born, which is why, as you said in your email, each day you miss her, remember her, love her and make space for her in your home.

My good friend, Liz, and I teamed up this week to send you a Mother Pucker package. We decided to send you some fun, silly stuff (lip gloss and sparkly nail polish!) and stuff so you could take a minute to have a moment (Starbucks gift card and a mix CD!) and then Liz suggested we send you this print to acknowledge your loss:
Though I know this poem well, when I read it this week I burst into tears. I realized this is why I still love and miss my mother after not seeing her for years...and why I fervently breathe in my babies when they curl up in my lap at the end of the day. We are intertwined in emotional and spiritual ways I can’t even fathom. You and your little girl are, too. Moms and their babies are forever inseparable.

Because you carry her heart. You carry it in your heart.

Guru Louise
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

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