Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Conversations with a Three Year Old

My daughter Mini is three years old and is a precious little cupcake baked by the devil. Here are some of the conversations I’ve had with her lately. Including questions. Questions that no sane person can answer.

Mini: You know Mr. Jones who lives in da house right dere?
Me: Yes.
Mini: Why does he look like a person?
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: I'm skeptical.
Me: ??
Mini: I am.
Me: ??
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: Oh.

When she says “oh” it sounds like this:“eau”. And also it’s about ten syllables long. I adore hearing her say “oh”. It’s like listening to a bored Frenchman. Who is 3 and looks like a Carebear.

The next day…
Mini: Do we have a cousin named Bob?
Me: No.
Mini: (crestfallen and forlorn) Oh.
Me: Are you disappointed?
Mini: (incredulous that I would even have to ask) YES. I am. Yes....
(Sigh followed by long pause)
Mini: I miss Bob.
Me: But we don't...
Mini: I KNOW. And I miss him.

With her father at the Wegmans…
Mini: Why does that man have a bucket on his head?
Cap’n: (scared to looked. Sighs in relief as sees person in question is in fact a man) That’s not a bucket, that’s a chef’s hat.
Mini: Oh.
Cap’n: You look skeptical.
Mini: It looks like a bucket. Made of paper.
Cap’n: It’s a hat.
Mini: A paper bucket is not smart.
Cap’n: Good point.
Mini: A paper hat is good, though.
Cap’n: Yes.
Mini: Just not that one because it looks like a bucket.
(stares in scorn at the chef who seems confused and alarmed as to what he had done to make her so angry)

Doing dishes in the kitchen, looking out the window at the back yard where Mini is playing. Upon hearing maniacal laughter, I ask:
Me: Mini, is everything all right out there?
Mini: Yes! I’m just playing wif my fwiend.
Me: Is your friend a toy?
Mini: No, he’s a person. I love him and he’s my baby. WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Me: ??
(I decide to go outside)
Me: What's going on?
Me: Who is Callito? Where is Callito? (I look around nervously, expecting a small boy wearing a rescue pack and accompanied by a baby jaguar or something)
Mini: He's right here. He keeps falling off the swing. ON PURPOSE.
Me: Callito is a rock?
Mini: No. Callito is a stone.
Me: Please don’t push him on the swing because if he flies off he could really hurt you.
Mini: He’s a baby. He could hurt himself.
Me: Well then, Callito shouldn’t be on the swing.
Mini: (Sighs) I know what I’m doing.

I'm glad someone does.
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

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