Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Conversations with a Three Year Old

My daughter Mini is three years old and is a precious little cupcake baked by the devil. Here are some of the conversations I’ve had with her lately. Including questions. Questions that no sane person can answer.

Mini: You know Mr. Jones who lives in da house right dere?
Me: Yes.
Mini: Why does he look like a person?
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: I'm skeptical.
Me: ??
Mini: I am.
Me: ??
Mini: BUT WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE A PERSON?!
Me: Because he is a person.
Mini: Oh.


When she says “oh” it sounds like this:“eau”. And also it’s about ten syllables long. I adore hearing her say “oh”. It’s like listening to a bored Frenchman. Who is 3 and looks like a Carebear.

The next day…
Mini: Do we have a cousin named Bob?
Me: No.
Mini: (crestfallen and forlorn) Oh.
Me: Are you disappointed?
Mini: (incredulous that I would even have to ask) YES. I am. Yes....
(Sigh followed by long pause)
Mini: I miss Bob.
Me: But we don't...
Mini: I KNOW. And I miss him.

With her father at the Wegmans…
Mini: Why does that man have a bucket on his head?
Cap’n: (scared to looked. Sighs in relief as sees person in question is in fact a man) That’s not a bucket, that’s a chef’s hat.
Mini: Oh.
Cap’n: You look skeptical.
Mini: It looks like a bucket. Made of paper.
Cap’n: It’s a hat.
Mini: A paper bucket is not smart.
Cap’n: Good point.
Mini: A paper hat is good, though.
Cap’n: Yes.
Mini: Just not that one because it looks like a bucket.
(stares in scorn at the chef who seems confused and alarmed as to what he had done to make her so angry)

Doing dishes in the kitchen, looking out the window at the back yard where Mini is playing. Upon hearing maniacal laughter, I ask:
Me: Mini, is everything all right out there?
Mini: Yes! I’m just playing wif my fwiend.
Me: Is your friend a toy?
Mini: No, he’s a person. I love him and he’s my baby. WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Me: ??
(I decide to go outside)
Mini: STAY ON THE SWING, CALLITO.
Me: What's going on?
Mini: I SAID STAY ON THE SWING, CALLITO.
Me: Who is Callito? Where is Callito? (I look around nervously, expecting a small boy wearing a rescue pack and accompanied by a baby jaguar or something)
Mini: He's right here. He keeps falling off the swing. ON PURPOSE.
Me: Callito is a rock?
Mini: No. Callito is a stone.
Me: Please don’t push him on the swing because if he flies off he could really hurt you.
Mini: He’s a baby. He could hurt himself.
Me: Well then, Callito shouldn’t be on the swing.
Mini: (Sighs) I know what I’m doing.

I'm glad someone does.
xo, Lydia


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

48 comments:

  1. Lol Your daughter is hilarious. This post just made my night.

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  2. When my eldest was three she told me: I'm going to be 4 then 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9...
    Me: what about 10, are you going to be 10?
    Lexi (indignantly): not now! I'm only 3!

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  3. What cracks me up is the depth of sigh that can emanate from a three year old. Not to be bested in until said three year old hits the teenage years.

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  4. She is fabulous!!

    Kirsten

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  5. Oh how I wish it stopped at three! We have all sorts of crazy talk at my house!

    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/02/phalluses-and-other-inappropriate.html

    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/10/conversations-we-have-at-our-house.html

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  6. Mom just took the kids..trying to power thru a stomach bug..thanks for the smile!

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  7. I was laughing so hard I was crying. My three year old and I have these conversations all. the. time! Thank you for helping me remember it's all three year olds and restoring my sanity. Example:

    R: I want grape juice.
    Me: We're out of grape juice. How about orange juice?
    R: That's what I SAID!!!! I want ORANGE JUICE!!!
    Accompanied by a look that clearly says I need my hearing checked.

    I routinely call my mom and apologize for being three.

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  8. Adorable! Mine are only 20 months and 3 months, but I can't WAIT to have these convos.

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  9. My 3 year old is quite the character
    the other day

    (turning into a parking lot to go shopping)
    L-"Uh mom, this is the movie theatre....why are you going in here!"
    Me: " Because the store we're going to is in here"
    L-"Uh...but this is the movie theatre..."
    me: " I know, but the store is here too"
    L: "I don't think so mom"
    (we pull up the the store)
    L " Oh you're right!" (in a tone of complete shock!)

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  10. When my daughter was 3, she came up with this gem while we were eating dinner: "Mom, it's good to fart in the toilet. It isn't good to fart in people's faces." She was correct on that one.

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  11. My 3yo is looking over my shoulder. He is GLEEFUL that there is a "Care Bear with a skeleton on his tummy". He had no idea that there were such awesome Care Bears. A close second is the awesome "dragon cupcake".

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  12. decaturmamaoftwoMay 15, 2012 at 8:44 AM

    The multisyllabic "eeaaaaauuuuuuuuuu" is something I love about my 18 month old too! Thanks for this!

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  13. Sometimes the conversations they have with themselves are just as entertaining. When my stepson was 3 we had to take him on a car trip while he was sick. We gave him a dose of cold medice and packed him up with his blanket and some juice. Half an hour down the road we hear:

    A: "Juice...juice...juice..."
    Hubby: "What, buddy?"
    A: "I like to say juice...juice...juicebox!"
    Hubby: "How much medicine did you give him??"

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  14. LOL!!! Thank you for starting my morning out right! These are just like the conversations I have with my own 3yr old.

    SJ: Mom, can I have a Capri Sun?
    Me: No you've already had 3 today and that's enough.
    SJ: while stomping her foot and throwing her hands in the air in exasperation...This is unbelievable!!!

    My husband and I had to turn away so she wouldn't see us laughing!

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  15. LMAO!!! Honestly my fav part of my household is when the 2 yr old and the 4 yr old fight. H.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s. Seriously. I always joke that Terrible twos are bad. Awful Fours are worse, but Terrible Twos and Awful Fours are a formidable foe when teamed against one mommy.

    This was an argument I came across the other day
    D- YOU ARE AN ACORN!!!!!
    K- NO I AM NOT. STOP IT. I AM NOT AN ACORN. *YOU* ARE THE ACORN
    D- NO YOU ARE AN ACORN THAT A SQUIRREL EATS!!!!
    K- *burst into tears and wildly sobbing* NO I AM NOT *hiccup* YOU ARE AN ACORN. MMMMMOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
    Me- What is going on in here?
    (insert wild babble about the acorn fight)
    Me-..... what's an acorn? I am very confused guys, why are acorns bad?
    (insert looks of mutual disgust at their idiot mother and her limited scope on toddler-isms)
    D- It's ok mom.*hugs his sister*...... *whispers* You're an acorn K!!!
    Me- *Facepalm*

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    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh. I thought I was alone, but you have described my 2 and 4 year old! It's my mommy, no she's my mommy, you can have daddy! You are a dog. No, you're a dog! Leave me alone little puppy. No, I a DOG! on and on and on.

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  16. These cracked me up!!!! YOur daughter is quite a little character. I love how she said... I'm skeptical!!!

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  17. Gotta love Dora and Diego. We have a cheap plastic baby gym we use to entertain the littlest one. My daughter likes to sit on it, while her brother is underneath mind you, and becomes indignant when we tell her to get off. Because apparently it is bollito the pony. That and we have a fancy star shaped soap in our bathroom she likes to carry around because it's an explorer star. This explorer star likes to draw on everything leaving lovely, soapy designs on walls/windows/daddy's computer screen.

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  18. OMG! i am crying i'm laughing so hard! i too have a 3 year old daughter who is "a precious little cupcake baked by the devil"! thank you so much for sharing! say hello to callito for me! ;)

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  19. I love Mini! She is such an original, creative little cupcake!

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  20. I think 3 year old girls are exactly as you described, a cupcake baked by the devil. Pretty sure Mini and my Honey Badger are one and the same. Perhaps twins separated at birth???

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  21. I'm lucky enough to have 2 cupcakes baked by the devil (5 and 15 mos). The 15 month old's new phrase is "whoooooaaaaaaaaa." He sounds like E.T. and he says it 10 billion times a day.

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  22. Mini needs her own comedy series. STAT. Callito would be the straight man... er, stone.

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  23. I have 3 year old twins right now and I am dying reading this post. It's my life on a daily basis. For me, it's not the number of questions, but the fact that they are always questions I cannot answer.
    "Why did the firetruck go that way?"
    "I don't know, sweetie."
    "But why didn't he turn like us?"
    "I don't know. I guess he didn't need to turn."
    "He didn't need to turn?"
    "No."
    "Well then why did we turn?"

    There's just no way to win against these insanely adorable, incredibly persistent little people!

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  24. Dangit! Now the "Rescue Pack" song is stuck in my head.

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  25. Your devil cupcake is the BEST. Except for my kid, obvi. ;P

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  26. wormtoyourmother.blogspot.comMay 15, 2012 at 4:39 PM

    she is wise beyond her years. Love that you captured her moments of genius.

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  27. a cupcake baked by the devil? oh my yes... i can relate!

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  28. I'm CRYING!! My Lauryn just turned 4. Oh the conversations we have...

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  29. This is why I teach 3 year olds! My favorites at the moment are: "When I grow up, I'm going to be the president so I can be the boss of everybody." And (excitedly) "I'm going to make happy birthday sandwiches!"

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  30. That is cute!! Kids say and do the darnest things.

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  31. My nephew has always been advanced for his age. At three he told my sister, "You have ruined my life!"

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  32. cupcake baked by the devil. amen. because that is my three year old also.

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  33. I'm laughing so hard, I can actually barely breathe! I think your kid should be the basis for a cartoon character! LOL!

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  34. I can not remember when I have laughed so hard. Mimi is a comic genius whose brilliant novels will support you in style...if you ever make it to her adulthood.

    And that Bob? Now I kind of miss him too.

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  35. I have tears, streaming down my face. So cute!

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  36. I think I am going to wake up my own devil cupcakes laughing so hard!! These sound like the EXACT same conversations that I had/continue to have with my own little pastries. One of the more common ones lately (littlest one is just 5):
    K--Mama, can you put on that song? (Usually from the iPod that has, oh, 5-gajillion songs on it)
    Me- What song, sweetie?
    K-- You know, THAT song!
    Me- Sorry, sweetie, can you tell me which song you mean? Maybe sing a little bit of it?
    K--(exasperated now), Mama, the song by the lady who speaks FRENCH!! (Finally figure out it is Celine Dion, Power of Love.....(Which I don't think has any french in it....)??!!!
    Gotta love these moments, as it only takes a day or two before they turn from crazy-making to hilarity-producing!

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  37. Thank you, Mini, for a much-needed laugh today!

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  38. Don't know if this will be scary or reassuring to you...BUT...It sounds to me like your daughter is a budding shaman. Of COURSE the rock talks, they all do you just need to listen properly - ask her how :)

    Blessings in Spirit!

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  39. My 2 1/2 year old cupcake devil was on my lap while I was reading this. She screams, "It's my cupcake mom!" when this picture came into view. I got her a tshirt a year ago with the cupcake devil on it. Looks like she needs a new one in a bigger size now. And as much as I love reading about Mini, please dear Maude don't ever let these two girls meet. The world would end.

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  40. Thank you for bringing happy tears to my eyes... keep writing everything down! My boy child has given me years of material and I hope he keeps entertaining me!

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  41. Just saw this and am giggling insanely. I just put my devil cupcakes to bed ..... the youngest (2) has already stripped herself naked and while I redressed her and explained yet again why she's not to strip down to her bare bum she says "But why mama?" Me: "Because you could catch a cold and get sick." C: "Where's cold? I pomiss no touch!" .... oh devil cupcake, if only it were that simple. Lol. I also tried to tell her that she'd end up wetting the bed (potty training is not going well) and I didn't want to do laundry again already .... she just kept telling me she didn't have to potty. Which is her standard response anytime we ask her about going potty. I know this gets easier.... I managed to get my older devil cupcakes to the ages of 10 and 11 .... survival past that is a whole nother ball game.

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  42. I used to nanny for my cousins. The kids were 3 and 7 at the time. Their mother was pregnant, due in about a month. My boyfriend and I were taking the kids to the park for the day and I was driving. As we stopped at the stop light, I hear the voice of the 3 year old, Hailey....
    H: "Hey Stepy?" (Cause 'F' sounds are hard for her)
    Me: "Yes Hailey?"
    H: "I don't want Mommy to have the baby at Target."
    (I glance at my boyfriend, who looks up from his Nintendo DS and looks back at her)
    Boyfriend: "Why would you say that Hailey?"
    H: "Cause I want Mommy to have the baby at the hopsicle."
    I tried to contain my laughter as her older brother nodded like she was a wise guru....

    Another one of my favorite conversations with her was when we were leaving Red Robin...
    H: "Hey Stepy, what's that?" (She points to a walkway through a garden.)
    Me: "It's a walkway. What does it look like?"
    H: "Uhhhhh, a walkway?"
    Me: "Well, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, what is it?"
    H: "A walkway!"

    Last one, after eating dinner at McDonalds...
    (Hailey is patting her full tummy)
    Me: "Are you done eating?"
    H: "Lookit, a hat!" (She places her happy meal bag on her head)
    Me: "Hailey, you are full of it..."
    H: "Yeah, I am."
    Me: "Well what are you full of?"
    H: "Ummm, of eating."

    I love kids.... ^.^

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  43. Laughed to the point of tears and a mad dash to the restroom. OMG HILARIOUS

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  44. I'm a chef. And have never thought it...but the hats DO look like buckets.

    I also cook at daycares and have had some real gems. The kids LOVE to talk to me through my window cause I always talk to them like little adults. Matty was very disappointed one day I wasn't in the kitchen as he went by but couldn't remember my name and asked 'where is the Kitchen-er'

    Also Kalix told me they were NOT teriyaki meatballs I made. They were Teri-yummy!!!! Best compliment I ever got.

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