Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Little Puckdate

Guess what? I have some good news. In fact I have TWO bits of good news and a story where I humiliate myself in public because my 3 year old is a cupcake baked by the devil. Ready? Here we go!

I heard from Yvonne at World Birth Aid. Her organization has received almost $2,000 in donations in the past 10 days. SERIOUSLY? That's 1,000 clean birth kits. That's potentially hundreds of momma and newborn baby lives saved. That's thousands of infections prevented. And that's just one of the organizations we worked with.

And you know what else? She's going back to Sierra Leone this summer with our clean birth kits, and she's going to take photos and videos of the mommas and the babies. We'll get to see our mommas and babies that we already love even though we don't know them. I can't wait to see them.

So that's completely freaking awesome.

More good news? We've added another domestic violence shelter to our list of Mother Day's gift recipients. Woot! That makes SIX Homeless and Domestic Violence shelters in our community. I keep thinking about those moms and about how many of them have lost everything except their kids. About how many of them probably were willing to lose everything EXCEPT THEIR KIDS. So they held on. Or they left. Or they asked for help. They did what they had to for their kids.

So we're going to do something completely unexpected and nice for them because they deserve it. And that's also COMPLETELY awesome.

Here's the part where you're all be like - why is Lydia even allowed to leave the house? What made her think she could pull this off and why did any of us think she could do it? AHEM.

So it was Teacher Appreciation Day yesterday. And of course I wanted to do something because all 3 of my kids have amazing teachers this year (which of course, by the laws of teacher karma means that next year will be a total sh*tstorm). So I volunteered to cover for them at recess so that they could have a 25 minute break.

So at our school, the dealio is that when you enter the building, you have to check in at the office and sign in. Your name, the date and time, what you're doing there and where you'll be. If you're a visitor, you get a visitor sticker and if you're a volunteer, you get a volunteer sticker. I got my volunteer sticker, gave one to my charming 3 year old who was stamping her tiny Croc in impatience and off we went.

Watching the kids on the playground was a little crazy. Mostly because they were acting like rabid howler monkeys on the Jerry Springer show because they all knew that the teachers were inside and it was just a bunch of clueless parents who weren't even sure if we were allowed to discipline anyone.

When it was over, I picked up Mini and we headed off to the Big White Ford Tampon to go run errands and stop in at a bunch of local businesses to solicit donations for the Stuffing Party. Mini kept patting me and saying "Good Mommy. I wuv you. Now get me a Sprite."

Someone (her father) gave her a Sprite one time. And now she is completely addicted. It's horrifying.

So we stop at a local pizza place and we walk in. I ask to speak to the manager. The girl behind the counter looks at me funny. Then nods and smiles and calls to a gentleman who walks over with a concerned look on his face. Maybe he thinks I have a complaint, I tell myself. I then pull out my nice letter explaining what the Mother Pucker Stuffing Party is.

When he sees the words "Mother Pucker" his eyes get all big and he makes a small choking sound. I ask him to consider making a donation of food for our volunteers. He looks directly into my eyes and says very quickly: "Thank you for asking us. I will think about it and call you later."

Then basically the exact same thing happens in 2 other stores. Usually, people like me. Today I seem to terrify them. They can't stop staring at my face. I'm briefly reminded of a very unfortunate experience with a dark lip stick and an important business meeting. I stop cold. I turn around and look at my reflection. In horror.


Because at some point HOURS EARLIER, Mini had taken her volunteer sticker and stuck it on the tip of my right boob. My volunteer sticker was just above my left boob. I looked like I had intentionally put two large stickers over my boobies. Like they were pasties. I looked like a reject from a Richard Simmons Off-My-Meds Production of the Pussycat Dolls.

They had all thought I was insane as I walked into their stores. Then I handed them a paper talking about a Mother Pucker Stuffing Party and asked them for free stuff.

I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T GET ARRESTED.

Also, I'm pretty sure they're not going to call me back and give us free pizzas. The End.

xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

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