Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Little Puckdate

Guess what? I have some good news. In fact I have TWO bits of good news and a story where I humiliate myself in public because my 3 year old is a cupcake baked by the devil. Ready? Here we go!

I heard from Yvonne at World Birth Aid. Her organization has received almost $2,000 in donations in the past 10 days. SERIOUSLY? That's 1,000 clean birth kits. That's potentially hundreds of momma and newborn baby lives saved. That's thousands of infections prevented. And that's just one of the organizations we worked with.

And you know what else? She's going back to Sierra Leone this summer with our clean birth kits, and she's going to take photos and videos of the mommas and the babies. We'll get to see our mommas and babies that we already love even though we don't know them. I can't wait to see them.

So that's completely freaking awesome.

More good news? We've added another domestic violence shelter to our list of Mother Day's gift recipients. Woot! That makes SIX Homeless and Domestic Violence shelters in our community. I keep thinking about those moms and about how many of them have lost everything except their kids. About how many of them probably were willing to lose everything EXCEPT THEIR KIDS. So they held on. Or they left. Or they asked for help. They did what they had to for their kids.

So we're going to do something completely unexpected and nice for them because they deserve it. And that's also COMPLETELY awesome.

Here's the part where you're all be like - why is Lydia even allowed to leave the house? What made her think she could pull this off and why did any of us think she could do it? AHEM.

So it was Teacher Appreciation Day yesterday. And of course I wanted to do something because all 3 of my kids have amazing teachers this year (which of course, by the laws of teacher karma means that next year will be a total sh*tstorm). So I volunteered to cover for them at recess so that they could have a 25 minute break.

So at our school, the dealio is that when you enter the building, you have to check in at the office and sign in. Your name, the date and time, what you're doing there and where you'll be. If you're a visitor, you get a visitor sticker and if you're a volunteer, you get a volunteer sticker. I got my volunteer sticker, gave one to my charming 3 year old who was stamping her tiny Croc in impatience and off we went.

Watching the kids on the playground was a little crazy. Mostly because they were acting like rabid howler monkeys on the Jerry Springer show because they all knew that the teachers were inside and it was just a bunch of clueless parents who weren't even sure if we were allowed to discipline anyone.

When it was over, I picked up Mini and we headed off to the Big White Ford Tampon to go run errands and stop in at a bunch of local businesses to solicit donations for the Stuffing Party. Mini kept patting me and saying "Good Mommy. I wuv you. Now get me a Sprite."

Someone (her father) gave her a Sprite one time. And now she is completely addicted. It's horrifying.

So we stop at a local pizza place and we walk in. I ask to speak to the manager. The girl behind the counter looks at me funny. Then nods and smiles and calls to a gentleman who walks over with a concerned look on his face. Maybe he thinks I have a complaint, I tell myself. I then pull out my nice letter explaining what the Mother Pucker Stuffing Party is.

When he sees the words "Mother Pucker" his eyes get all big and he makes a small choking sound. I ask him to consider making a donation of food for our volunteers. He looks directly into my eyes and says very quickly: "Thank you for asking us. I will think about it and call you later."

Then basically the exact same thing happens in 2 other stores. Usually, people like me. Today I seem to terrify them. They can't stop staring at my face. I'm briefly reminded of a very unfortunate experience with a dark lip stick and an important business meeting. I stop cold. I turn around and look at my reflection. In horror.


Because at some point HOURS EARLIER, Mini had taken her volunteer sticker and stuck it on the tip of my right boob. My volunteer sticker was just above my left boob. I looked like I had intentionally put two large stickers over my boobies. Like they were pasties. I looked like a reject from a Richard Simmons Off-My-Meds Production of the Pussycat Dolls.

They had all thought I was insane as I walked into their stores. Then I handed them a paper talking about a Mother Pucker Stuffing Party and asked them for free stuff.

I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T GET ARRESTED.

Also, I'm pretty sure they're not going to call me back and give us free pizzas. The End.

xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

47 comments:

  1. Lydia,
    I love you! Unfortunate booby stickers and all.
    Matthea

    ReplyDelete
  2. the stickers are great; the expression is priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  3. oh fantastic! it wouldnt be the same without the pic!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is Gold. You have stopped a bad morning in it's tracks. I can't stop laughing. I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Any publicity is good publicity, for such a great cause(s) ... stickers on boobs? All the better!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Cupcake baked by the devil" is going to be my pet phrase from now on, I can feel it! You're hilarious. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello ladies! Please remind your readers to check with their employers for donation matching for the money they generously donate to World Birth Aid. I donated yesterday, then submitted that to my employer for them to match - double donation!!!! You are outstanding! Thanks for being awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Not only are they booby stickers, but they are STAR booby stickers!!! You must have been a really good girl!!!
    Thanks for the giggle this morning...hopefully today's jaunt in your life provides no more fodder for the blog!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Made my day :0) love you

    ReplyDelete
  10. (wiping tears, gasp)... and they're STARS! Why did they have to be STARS?

    ReplyDelete
  11. This was possibly the best way to start my morning. You rock, Lydia.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It wouldn't be nearly as awesome if those were just plain white stickers with the word "volunteer" on them. No, they had to have racy stars...


    http://www.momintwocultures.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is awesome! Our MOMS Club of Front Royal is going to be putting together as many Clean Birth Kits as possible to send to Australia. I might go along - you know - to make sure they arrive safely. I will remember not to wear pasties while soliciting donations. Or maybe only pasties . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great pic - Thanks for the laugh which I need this morning. You are doing awesome work!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh Dear Lydia - how I adore you. And if it makes you feel ANY better - TB Season 5 starts next month. Oh - and I pinned a little Viking something for you. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  16. love you! thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  17. ehhh, I forget to take off my stickers all the time...I just tell anyone that asks that I have a disease called children that forces me to forget things from time to time so I kept it on to remember who I am...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for the laugh Lydia. You must eat awesomesauce for breakfast!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hahahahahaha, you are something else Lydia!
    XO

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ha! I love you!!!! What a great way to start off the day :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. The bonus is that the racy star stickers are also a bit lopsided, adding that much more to the effect.

    I end up walking out of my WW meeting with my nametag still on all the time. Have gone to Walmart at least twice that way; at least once without a coat covering it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. That is what the kids I work with would call...amazeballs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Genius! Mini is truly a little devil cupcake. I have to agree that the post wouldn't be the same without the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lmao. I laugh with you bc this has SO happened to me!! Lol. I've had one on my boob, one sat on and so on. Lmao

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are too funny! I can't wait to send you pictures of the goodie bags we have made for the moms in the domestic violence shelter. They are already awesome and they're still not done bringing stuff in yet! Oh, and I'm gonna use what you wrote above for their cards :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Our just-turned-two-year-old has recently discovered the joy of stickers. And she got 1,700 of them for her birthday. (Not an exaggeration, sadly. One book of 1,000 and another of 700.) She loves to stick them all over people. Now, in our household, it's just called coming down with a severe case of Sticker Pox. :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. If this shows up twice...I kinda messed up :) Lydia, you are too funny! I can't wait to send you pictures of the amazing goodie bags we are getting ready for a domestic violence shelter here in my small Iowa town. They are already amazing and we're not even done yet!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Still howling with laughter....so awesome. You and your volunteers made a few peoples' day, probably including the employees of the pizza place.

    ReplyDelete
  29. This sounds like something that would happen to me. So, just tell yourself that you are in very good company, or very bad company, whichever makes you feel better. :)

    Kristin Shoemaker

    ReplyDelete
  30. Next time just pretend like you totally did it on purpose! Then go to the local sex shop and try again to ask for donations:)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Lydia - you are amazing!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. That is so something that would happen to me! Thank you for the giggle! www.motherhoodisbeautiful.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. First, WAY TO GO on making this world a little better!!

    Second, I want to thank you for making my not-so-chipper day a little bit chippier with that photo...that was awesome.

    Third, well, there isn't a third, but i felt like there should be!

    ~Betty from NJ

    ReplyDelete
  34. That is hilarious. I am crying with laughter. My hubbies must think I have finally. Lost my marbles. Lol love the Picture

    ReplyDelete
  35. I was waiting at the bus stop when I read this.... As soon as I saw your photo I did one of those laughing, spitting, coughing, choking things.... All the quiet, conservative, keep-to-themselves-ers all jumped and stared.... An awesome moment in my day :) Thank you! And of course hearing about all the clean birth kits left me speechless... in a good way :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. It's too bad you didn't have the boobs akimbo shirt on to go with the sticker/pasties akimbo look!
    My dogs are looking at me funny cause I was gasping for air from laughing so hard. Keep up the good work

    ReplyDelete
  37. Cat thinks I've lost it. SO funny. Children=Joy in one way or another.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Nice one, Mini! My Cupcake also screams for Sprite. To my knowledge, she's never had one but her 8-yo sister sometimes gets one of those mini-cans as a treat. We had a big old melt-down over Sprite at dinner-time just this evening, in fact, even though nobody was drinking one. Good thing these cupcakes are so darn cute!

    ReplyDelete
  39. The expression on your face says it all. This is by far one of my favorite blogs. Thanks for the chuckle!

    ReplyDelete
  40. BAHAHAHA!!!!

    Ahem.

    At least you weren't wearing matching blue eyeshadow?

    I thought the stickers were polkadots on your blouse until I really looked at the picture!

    ReplyDelete
  41. OMG I LITERALLY just laughed out loud. My hubs thinks I'm crazy, but whatever. hahaha I couldn't stop laughing about the part where she is addicted to sprite. I wuv you, get me a sprite! hahaha and omg your boob stickers, sooo embarrassing. I freak out about how embarrssing it will be if my future baby CRIES in public... obviously there are other things I should be worried about. You're hilarious, and doing wonderful things; keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  42. oh my gawd. that photo is PRICELESS. priceless pasties. i love it.

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts