Friday, September 21, 2012

The Talk - Live with Lydia

This really couldn't be more embarrassing. First of all, they start the clip with the hosts literally bracing themselves for my presence on the set. Am I imagining this? Am I reading too much into their body language?

Oh no. Of course not.

Because then Natasha says: "Compose yourselves because it's about to get not composed in here." THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE, HOOKER.* I have been "not composed" on your show for almost 2 whole years. Remember that time Kate said "strap on" and I snorted and almost started crying? And how I forgot the word for that thing that goes on top of your car so I called it a "hoo haw" and you gave me the stink eye? And that other time when you kicked me with your fancy high heeled boot and I was like: "DO YOU WANT SOME?!" and then we got into a slap fight? (That last part was a lie). 

*She is not really a hooker. I use that as a term of endearment (as you all know) because I love her.

But honestly, a slap fight may have been the only thing to have saved my performance in this clip. It is just too painful to watch and I'm a total jackhole with no business going on TV ever. But I'll show it to you because we're friends and because maybe you need a hearty laugh at someone else's expense right now. So here we go.

  
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

23 comments:

  1. OK Lydia, I do not know WHAT you are talking about. You are COMPLETELY composed and I am sure that you just said Boobstain at the very end because Kate bet you that you wouldn't. By the way, my good buddy Zoe B turned me onto your blog and my dream is to meet you someday. Please come to Vermont to visit? As for THE TALK, my 9 year old daughter is sprouting all kinds of new things from her body these days and it is FREAKING ME OUT. Also, she is burning her way through all of the books I get her. We started with It's So Amazing, and then she found the copy of It's Perfectly Normal that I had put away for "later" and made a very well-reasoned argument for why she should get to read it now, even though she is only 9 and it is technically for 10 and up. I agreed on the condition that we have lots of talks about it and that she ask me all her questions along the way. So, she read it all in one day. One of her first questions was about Anal Sex. Holy guacamole. I really missed you this summer, but am so proud of you for sticking to your mission and not posting. It did not stop me from checking once a week...

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    1. I agree. This was so composed and helpful! I definitely expected something horrifying and you were sweet and cute as ever!!

      And, if you're going to Vermont to meet Anne, slide over to NH to meet me!! ;-)

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    2. ACK!!! I'm not there yet (5 year old daughter and 3 year old son) If my daughter asked me about anal sex I think my head would explode lol.

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    3. My daughter's question last night during a reading of "It's So Amazing" (a book she included in her 3rd grade reading log) was about HIV and AIDS and what that might have to do with the sperm and the egg... Never a dull moment. I had forgotten STDs were even IN that book.

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  2. what anne said. you were fine and fantastic.

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  3. I think you did great! Sorry nothing witty from me this morning. :::sigh:::

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  4. Awesome Job! Way more composed than I would have been on TV!

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  5. I love you Lydia...never change. And i love that you mentioned my buddy Joslyn! :) Happy Friday!

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  6. You are awesome! I'm almost (ALMOST) looking forward to having the talk with my kids (2 and 4)!

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  7. What are you talking about!?!? Lydia, you did fantastic!!! I would have been giggling and blushing through the entire thing!! I'm dreading when I have to have the talk with my two boys!!!

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  8. You are so awesome and so not a jackhole. You sounded intelligent and like you really had your schmidt together. I think it's one of the best shows yet. I noticed you checking your notes on the table. I always wondered how you kept everything straight in your head. I would have just babble incoherently.

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  9. Hey, I just purchased that sweater, in two colors! Brown and black... so you have good taste! Seriously though. You are way too hard on yourself.

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  10. I don't know what you were talking about. That was terrific! You were totally great!

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  11. You were fantastic, Lyd! And I totally agree with the first poster - Kate bet you wouldn't be able to get through the segment without saying "boobstain." Greatness.

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  12. Lydia (and you'll always be Lydia to me) you did great!!! I think the "not composed" comment was in reference to the topic and not you as the guest. :-) At least that's how I took it.

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  13. You were amazing. They *did* brace themselves, but then you totally made them relax and laugh and relate to you! Great job, lady :)

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  14. I think you handled that wonderfully! although I was also partially distracted because I am currently wearing that same sweater!! LOL Love it! :D

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  15. What the heck are you talking about - you were awesome!!! :-D

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  16. So fine, you were composed and calm, but you are not teaching your kids the anatomically correct words. Your daughter was complaining about her VULVA itching, unless there was weird-ass stuff going on. Pet peeve. Vagina is internal, vulva is external. You would not say her uterus was itching!

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  17. You are waaay to hard on yourself, girlfriend. You did wonderfully, especially given the nature of the talk, because it if were me, I'd be snorting and giggling and redfaced like a damn 11 year old girl. Way to go, and give yourself some credit!

    Also, you looked lovely, boobstain or not! :)

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  18. I didn't see anything wrong with your segment. . . . it was straightforward and awesome!!!!! Just like you hooker!! Keep it up!!!

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  19. You did awesome! In fact, you were the only part I liked! The two hosts with the perfect everything and the fake laughs and immaturity........ I was almost embarrassed for you that you were trying to have a great conversation about kids and "the talk" and these other women acted not much better then a couple of 15 year olds :P
    You did great - and I love LOVE your sense of humour :)

    One thing I was surprised not to hear mentioned was the experiences of farm kids - we all grew up seeing bits and pieces as they came together every year in the animal and plant life all around us - We had questions, we asked. We never had to have a full out explanation b/c we absorbed most of the ways of life, procreation, and we developed a respect for it as we grew up. I know not everyone is going to have a farm - but the principle of letting kids see ( not in a weird way) - but not shielding them from all the "things" - talking about the birds - literally - mating rituals and courtships, how baby fish are born and where they come from. It's less scary and weird ( for parents AND kids) to be able to talk about the different ways animals reproduce and then be able to draw comparisons and conclusion with ourselves as we grow up looking for our answers from people we trust and respect along the way :)

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