Monday, October 22, 2012

When Mini Said The F Word

Last week, my husband Cap'n Coupon was trying to get the children off to bed. I was completely passed out from being sick with a rotten cold. At a certain point, he comes in and says: "Lydia, your baby just dropped the f-bomb". But honestly, it barely registered with me until later because I was in a haze of sickness and cold medicine.

So the next day, he tells me the whole story and here it is:

The Cap'n is succeeding in slowly getting 9 year old Thumbelina to go to bed and is now asking 7 year old Hawk to follow suit. It takes Thumbelina approximately one hour and 67 steps to go to bed and all of them are excessively tedious. Mini is tagging along with the Cap'n, like a tiny enforcer. He tells one kid to brush her/his teeth, and then she does the same (often with hands on hips). 

Example: the Cap'n says "Please floss" and then Mini steps in front of him and says like a small, ill-tempered prison guard: "Yah. You floss now. And hurry up."  

So the Cap'n and Mini are in the hallway outside Hawk's room, trying to get him to turn down his CD player (which is playing the audiobook of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince loud enough for our neighbors to hear).

The Cap'n tells him once to turn down his radio, using a nice voice.
Then he tells him again, still using a nice voice.
The Cap'n waits a minute and deals with other kids.
He then tells him again, this time using a stern voice.
He waits another minute.
This time, he's yelling it. "TURN DOWN YOUR RADIO!"

At which point, Mini taps her father on the arm and says gently: "F*cking".

He looks at her in surprise and says: "What did you just say, sweetie?"

She looks at him like he's an idiot. "I said FAH-KING".

He blinks at her. Unsure of how to respond.

She gives him a head shake as if to imply that he'll just never get it and says patiently: "Turn down your fahcking radio."


Needless, to say, I am in still in trouble, and it is obviously all my fault. Truly, the Cap'n never curses in front of the offspring. But I promise you, that's only because he doesn't have to drive them everywhere. It's that time in the car that's the killer. I am not proud of this parenting failure on my part. Not at all. But at least she got the context right, which is something. From now on when I'm with my kids, I will be making a concerted effort to replace the words I may have possibly said TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT. 

Yours in shame,

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012

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