Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Photos are Hard - Help Me

Ha! I could totally see myself doing this!
I pretty much did this, you guys.
I needed some photos recently for my blogging work and I sort of freaked out about it.  Because - let me be honest, here - I hate having my picture taken. HATE. As in, I'd rather try on bathing suits. I'd rather try on bikinis at Walmart. But I swallowed my fear and begged my friend Kristin (a professional photographer) to help me.

"Please help me look not heinous", I begged. "But also not so much like a grown up that it doesn't look like me anymore. But also not too much like me, because recently I see myself in pictures and I'm like - "Who is that older fat lady? She looks nice. Oh wait. Shit.""

And I really wanted these to be different than a regular portrait because, for the purpose of blogging, I want people who don't know me or have never read my stuff to be like: This woman is obviously insane but I would still hang out with her.

So, that's what I was going for - crazy in a way that is fun, not scary. My pal, the amazing Kristin Merten, totally got it. She also really liked my cat. So she came to my house and took a million pictures of me (but mostly of my cat). Anyway, I narrowed them all  down to these ten pictures but then I got stuck. Can you help me pick the photo I should use for my new profile picture? 

Now, you may be asking yourself - why do nearly all of these pictures that Lydia picked have her cat in them? Here's why: 
  • He is adorable.
  • He distracts from my face. 
  • Sometimes, he even tries to cover up my face for me, which I consider a favor. 
  • Also? When he looks angry it makes me want to laugh out my mouth hole. Because he is so angry but he is also so fluffy. 
 Now I need your help. Can you please select the best picture for me? There's a poll at the end.

#1: My cat wants to murder me, isn't that precious?

#2: I look like the hoarding task force just left and they told me I get to keep all my cats.

#3: Barbie was a Fairy and her head popped off.

#4: I honestly didn't realize the sign was upside down. Because I'm awesome.

#5: Slap fight. Cat wins.
 #6: He's just petting my face. Because he loves me.

#7: You know that thing where words come out of my mouth? He wants me to stop doing that.
#8: Yes. It is a Dora Microphone.
#9: Time for a drink. He's pissed he didn't get one.

#10: I'm a respectable hooker. And you can see my whole face. ::shudder::

I would like to ask you separate polls such as (topics suggested by Guru Louise): 
  • Which of these photos makes you want to lock your doors in case I might murder you?
  • Which of these photos makes you think we could be best friends? 
  • Which of these make you think you could be best friends with the cat?
  • Which of these makes you think my cat has the soul of the recently departed dear leader Kim Jong Il?
But honestly, I need an answer to just one question and that is - which one of these is honestly the best for my new blogger profile?
Here's how you vote:
If you would like to caption any of these photos, please feel free to. I would LOVE to see what you come up with. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! 
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2012


  1. Seriously...#7 is hilarious and you don't look like crazy cat lady (ahem). Everyone will smile and laugh and thing "That is one cool chick, I wanna hang with her-- and her cat"

  2. Yeah I love #2 and #7, but you know what? #10 is awesome too as you've done that fab thing where your top matches your beautiful blue eyes, and really brings out the blue. Only works with mottled red and brown needed washed 10 lifetimes ago tarten in this house....

  3. I am totally falling out of my chair laughing, how on earth can I only pick one?? I love them all!!!

  4. I agree! #7 is my favorite, but you look great in all of them, aside from the cat, of course.... lol

  5. I think you look so beautiful in the 'respectable hooker' picture. No need to hide. Honest.

    And while all these pictures can't be your profile picture, I hope they appear time to time on the blog as they do capture so much!

  6. I'm sorry #2, you clearly look like a crazy cat lady, but in a good way. But just to let you know we all already know you are insane and would love to sit down and have a drink with you anyway. Cuz truth is we are all insane too!

  7. 3 and 7. And I even have valid reasons.
    3 because who doesn't want to behead that skinny, long-legged, huge-boobed, hard-abbed, peroxided beyotch?
    7 because it makes me want to totally be your BFF.

    Oh, and you are way too mean to your gorgeous self.

  8. OMFG, #1 made me laugh so hard I was snorting. You look so happy and your cat looks sooooo pissed. I'm still laughing. Wait, I wanna scroll back up and look again . . . bahahaha! You rock. I voted for #7. Awesome pic of you with just enough cat to make you look fun but not disturbed.


  9. OMFG, I love you. #1 made me laugh so hard I snorted. You look so happy and your cat looks soooooo pissed. What did you do to him? I'm still laughing as I type. Wait, I wanna scroll back up and see it again . . . bahahaha! Seriously, I voted for #7 because you look so pretty and happy. There's just enough cat in the pic to make you look fun but not psycho. Thanks for making my morning.


  10. I like them all. I don't fear you at all after seeing these.

  11. Whichever one you choose, they're all wonderful! OMG, I wish my house was that clean. Barbie was just too freakin' awesome, but gotta say may favorite was the cat trying to shut you up :)

  12. Just reading this post made my eyes start itching. Achoooo!

  13. Has your cat been going to acting workshops? He is so expressive... :)

    Seriously though, you look fantastic!

  14. You are beautiful! Loved #7 so it got my vote. I so wish we could hang out!

  15. No cat, skip the cat. Makes it seem like it's a blog about pets. I think you at the mic is funny because you are an expert in mommy biz. Also you with Barbie head off is good one - love the expression and again speaks more to what you write about. You look best solo! :)

  16. I love the first one, but voted for the laundry shot. The upside-down sign nailed it.

  17. 4, 8, 10. 4 because it reminds me of every mother I know. I love it. 8 because it looks like you are at a mommy press conference, and the idea tickles me. 10 because you really are beautiful all by yourself.

  18. I voted for "send help", but 7,8, & 9 were all tied for second place!

  19. I voted for the one with just you, no cat. You look beautiful, and don't need to hide behind a cat.
    But the laundry one was my favorite.

  20. Ode to Randy plus the upside down sign is a slam dunk for #4. #3 is also exactly the theme of mommyland. Both of those speak to the Mommy stuff you blog about and I think the cat just confuses things. You want them to think "Mommy" not "Crazy Cat Lady."

  21. *Makes me want to lock my doors: Cat hoarder pic
    *Makes me want to be BFFs: Dora microphone pic
    *I don't like cats so this category is irrelevant
    *Kim Jong Kitty: Cat murderer pic

  22. I like #7, your "eye's are smiling" :)

  23. oh that's tough... #5, #6, #7 and #9 are my favs.... I'd narrow it from there lol

  24. It might just be these versions of the photo (lower resolution?) but some look a tiny bit out of focus to me. 1, 6, and 7 look the best but maybe they need to be adjusted for white balance a touch.
    I LOVE your cat. He's freaking adorable. Like you.

  25. I know it was a less popular choice, but I was looking for a picture that more fit the title of your blog, "Rants in My Pants", and I thought the picture of you with the Dora microphone looked like you were doing a Dennis Miller, only Lydia-style. :) But for sheer awesomeness, I would have to go with #7. :)

  26. AHHHHH!!! You totally need to pick #9, BUT give the cat a drink and stare at each other!!!!

  27. I absolutely love you and this blog! I like to think of myself as being similar to you. I try to keep a humorous perspective about raising children. I figure if I don't keep laughing (and being sarcastic) they will soon need to give me a special, hug myself kind of jacket and leave me in one of those nice padded rooms! Wait...that may not be such a bad gig!

  28. Totally 7 if you're OK with a picture of your cat in there. I love the pic in general (too freaking funny!), but also a picture for someone *writing* is totally awesome if her mouth is covered, gives it a "speak no evil" vibe and a visual pun, and I'm all for multiple messages. But if you don't want the cat in the pic, go with the laundry one, it sums up Mommyhood nicely, it's funny, and you're absolutely adorable in it. :)

  29. So many great ones - The Barbie one is great because that's typical Mommyland stuff. The paw over the mouth is fabulous too. But my favorite is the Dora microphone...because a Dora microphone is the absolutely perfect microphone for rants about being a mother.




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