HOLY MOTHER OF GANDALF. When did greeting cards start costing upwards of $5? If I bought my husband a $6 greeting card he would be like: "What are you doing? Are you trying to upset me? Why don't you just write 'Happy Valentine's Day' on a $5 bill and then throw it away?"
So I decided to come up with a series of Valentine's Day Cards for the real world. The Cap'n even helped me a little.
Here they are. For a slideshow of just the 7 funniest, click on over to Babble.
I have learned over the past three years that you guys are waaaayyyy smarter and funnier than I am. If you have any ideas or suggestions for more Valentine's Day Cards for the Real World, post them in the comments section and I will turn them into Valentines and post them between now Thursday.
xoxo, Lydia
PS: If you feel like voting for us in Parents Magazine's contest, click on the groovy graphic below. It will take you to their FB app. We're in the category of "Most Likely to Make You Laugh". No pressure though. Only if you feel like it.
(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013
Are these printable? That would make my life right now!
ReplyDeleteI was able to double click on a valentine which will bring up the single valentine; then you should be able to right click for the options of "copy image" or "save image as" etc. I was able to "save as" into my downloads. It also worked to copy image then paste into an e-mail message. Hope we can spread the rantsfrommommyland message.
DeleteFeel free to print! Maybe next year I'll get it together in time to make up some cards for you!
DeleteAnd on that note, please help! I'm 3 months into my first 'serious' relationship, if you get me, this is the first V-day I've done, and I have no idea what to get him! (His ever helpful answer is'Anything' or 'Nothing' - Tempted to get a big foam heart and hit him over the head with it for being unhelpful...) Please help!
ReplyDeleteBest advice ever. Tell him you got him a surprise, make him guess what. Go get one of those things.
Delete^^ That is the best advice for basically any gift-giving situation.
DeleteGenius!
DeleteValentine cards should be selected after reading the whole stuff and the best thing is to make it yourself because it shows your immense love.
ReplyDeletevalentine's day special gifts
We're all about unconventional romance at our house. I should've known what I was in for from our very first date:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/02/how-i-met-ren-part-3.html?m=1
Thanks for keeping it real, Lydia!
Thanks for the vasectomy! My uterus and I greatly appreciate you getting one.
ReplyDeletebest ever
DeleteTo my gorgeous husband.
ReplyDeleteI love you more than the world, but if you come home from work and go straight on the computer instead of helping me with this clingy, screaming kid while I'm trying to make dinner ONE more time, I swear to God I am going to poison you. <3
dating for three months and it's valentine's day... don't buy him anything... initiate happy happy fun bedroom time and he'll be thrilled.
DeleteLearningfromlife one of the funniest things I have read in my life, because it is true.
DeleteThis is perfection!
Delete1. love love love these!!! This is your get rich idea - I just know it!
ReplyDelete2. My card - I'm so happy you turned out to be employable. I wouldn't have guessed that in college. xo
#2 is totaly my husband
Delete"Thank you for the divorce. After our children, it's the nicest thing you've ever done for me."
ReplyDeletebahahaha that is freaking awesome!!! i LOVE it!!!
DeleteExcept I would add: And paying ANY amount of child support comes in a close third. Seriously, any time now.
DeleteThanks for getting that lizard out of the washing machine that one time. And for loving me even as I laughed when it bit you and you screamed like a little girl.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me continue my "craft nights" with the gals, even though you figured out we're not crafting anything other than an excuse to get out of the house.
(But the vasectomy one is the best!! LoL, branddini!!!)
Thank you for no longer questioning the Target charges on our account. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I laughed so hard when you were trying to do "Magic Mike" the other night. You definitely look exactly like Channing Tatum... having a seizure.
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Amy Fleck! Lydia, I love these. They are sofa king awesome. Especially the one about still wanting to grab your ass.
ReplyDeleteThanks for remembering Valentine's Day six years ago, Honey. That was really special.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being a gem about there being no clean laundry for you to pack for your trip. Instead of a suitcase you took a bag of dirty laundry to drop at the wash-dry-fold. You are my hero.
ReplyDeleteThanks for pretending not to notice I haven't lost the baby weight! You are a true gem! Now, could you please go empty the diaper genie? Watching you do that really puts me in the mood. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI have been known to staple $4 to index card on which I have written "Happy {insert holiday}". My husband likes it waaay better than a card he'll just throw away in a few days...
ReplyDeleteMy husband would love that. Seriously. You're a genius.
ReplyDeleteThank you for pretending that frozen pizza and Eggo waffles are real, home cooked meals.
ReplyDeleteThank you for attending the girls' skating carnival and pretending to enjoy yourself.
Thank you for saying you'd save me from a burning building. Even though I know you'd save the iPad, it made me feel special for a moment.
Thank you for picking me over your mother. :)
PERFECT. Frozen pizza and Eggo waffles" comment successfully cut and pasted into a Word document (of course, I went the extra mile and included a great clip art image) and printed!
DeleteThanks for taking a bag of peas to the crotch for the team.
ReplyDeleteOR
After knowing your parents all these years, I love and appreciate you more than ever.
OR
Thanks for never suggesting we move to Iowa.
OR
If you stop annoying me, I'll probably put out.
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DeleteSarcasm dictates I go with your third option. He suggested it and we've been here 9 years now. Not as bad as you'd think, even for this born and raised Jersey girl.:-)
DeleteAfter years of marriage it's the thought that counts! Since you 'thought about' getting me flowers I 'thought about' letting you get lucky tonight. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for owning up to breaking the toilet seat and hiding it from me. I'm sure I will be so much less mad all day as I'm forced to choose between putting pressure on my freshly bruised butt cheek or my post partum hemorrhoid. You're a peach.
ReplyDeleteThank you for getting up and starting the car before I went to work all those years. You're welcome for the automatic starter.
ReplyDeleteThese are awesome! I'm totally with you on the card prices...which is why I hit the $1 section at Target and got blank V-Day cards. But my dad has the best solution. For my parent's first Anniversary he got my mom a card. For their second, he forgot...or just thought it would be funny to give her the same card. So he did...as in he saved it from the previous year. Now my mom would be devastated if gave her any other card. He started doing that with a V-day card a few years ago when he declared that cards were WAY too expensive. Think of all the $$ he's saved over the years!
ReplyDeleteCard from my husband to me: Happy Valentine's Day Honey. Thank you for letting me go on this business trip...to TX where it is warm and I don't have to shovel.
"I know you only went out with me because you thought I was easy. Thank you for staying with me even after the disappointment ;)".
ReplyDelete"Together, forever. Mostly because we are both too lazy to pack our stuff and leave, and neither of us wants custody. But still."
THIS is the BEST - please both cards!
DeleteThank you for teaching our 3 year old son how to play Super Mario. That really does make my afternoons way easier.
ReplyDeleteHappy V-day, baby - I can't wait to talk about doing it tonight, but to then really just fall asleep on the couch while watching Downton. Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you honey for being too cheap for formula, but not dedicated enough to lactate........
ReplyDeleteYou know that sparkle i get in my eye when you get home from work it is the sign i have been releaved of duity
I love it when you change the poopy diaper , that is when you are the sexiest man alive!
My love, thanks for the house. I assume it is mine because you don't seem know where anything is or where anything goes.
ReplyDeleteFrom my husband to me - Thank you for being my personal chef, maid, errand runner, researcher, important decision maker, scheduler and childcare provider.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm glad when the kid shits, I can count on you
ReplyDeleteroses are red and lilies are white, thank you for sometimes admitting I'm right
Violets are blue, my panties are red, if you sort out the laundry, I'll see you in bed.
ReplyDeleteValentine, I couldn't live without you. Who else would slather Icy Hot on that spot between my shoulder blades that I can't reach then cuddle up right next to me even though I smell like a grandma!
ReplyDeleteRoses are Red,
ReplyDeleteBroccoli is green,
So is that sh!t leaking out of the kid....
NOT IT!
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Sorry because of the kiddo you are blue too!
ReplyDeleteDearest,thanks for dealing with me. Oh what was your name and who are you? Mommy brain has landed.
Happy Valentine's Day Love! Thanks for the kiddo, I love him, but where's my chocolate?
Cuddle up,Cuddle Down, Take out the trash and I'll turn your frown around! ;D
Smell that? That is the sweet smell of "Let me sleep in or I will hurt you.Also I want candy and coffee when I wake up."
Darling, Forget about Valentine's Day again this year you are doing your own laundry.
-From the weird mind of Jontai R.
My dearest Valentine,
ReplyDeleteI just snaked the toilet - could you get the dishes?
I'll love you forever.