Guru Does the Ugly Cry and Lydia Got Pee in Her Phone

Oh yes, it's time for a round-up!

Let's get all caught-up on what's happening with Guru. Did you know she is moving in a few weeks? Yeah! Except she has no where to go. Boo! So she is doing the opposite of nesting.

And then Guru's son turned the big 3! And Guru discussed how his birthday is her real Mother's Day.

Guru has surrendered to her coffee addiction during pregnancy and even found some funny coffee mugs to commemorate her condition.

Also, have you guys ever experienced this pregnancy symptom called dysgeusia? It is gross and Guru has it and it sucks.

Help This Woman: I Want to Kick Her Taco

We got this email recently and we're asking all of you to help this woman (who is so obviously awesome). Check it out and if you have any good ideas for her, please leave her a comment.


Dear Guru and Lydia,

I need some advice. My husband is friends with a very nice man whose wife has a permanent case of raging B. I've tried avoiding them. Not hanging out in situations where they are there. It's just not happening. I always end up around them. 

The raging B is absolutely horrid to my three year old son who has autism. She teases him. We were at a party on Friday. My son was trying to get a piece of fruit and a cracker. She told him to go away and took the food away from him. I was irate and made sure he got his snacks.  

I Rule at Peeps

Image taken from the Peeps website.

Guess what, you guys? This post is sponsored by Peeps. Hopefully they don't hate it because as you know, I am very bad at editing myself.

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I love Peeps. My kids are completely loco for them as well. So when Peeps sent me a huge, ginormous box full of all different colors of them, I suddenly became the coolest mom on Earth planet. My goal was to do different fun stuff with my kids and the Peeps and then take pictures and write about it, like a real, grown up, professional mommy blogger.

Of course that didn't work at all because obviously.

Tell Me a Story: A Mommyland Challenge

You guys may not know this about me, but I've read half the parenting books in my local library. I'm constantly reading articles and blogs and trying to gather as many tips as a I can. Because I love my kids and I'm not a natural at this mothering thing and I don't want to ruin them or mess them up because they were perfect when I got them.

Anyway, I've been reading a lot about this book "The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More" I'm just about to dive into it myself. My mom brought me an article about some of the book's big take-aways from the New York Times recently (it's right here) and I got really excited about it.

Foreign and Domestic Enemies of the Military Mom Part 2

You know we love military families here in Mommyland. I just made a new mom friend, you guys and she's so awesome but they're military and I just found out they're moving. Insert sad face. So when I got this post, I thought it was a sign that I had to run it. 

This post was anonymously written by my friend M & M (aka 50 Shades of Awesome). Not being a military mommy myself, I can't speak to the veracity of her points. But I love her honesty, humor and Eric Northman references. 

And remember guys, it's fine to disagree but be cool about it. Here are the Foreign and Domestic Enemies of the Military Mom (part 2).

10 First World Problems of a Preschooler

Recently I've been pretty stressed out about stuff in my personal life...we are moving out of our starter house and I'm juggling a lot of work and there is just a lot going on. But each time I feel overwhelmed I try to take a step back and remind myself that these are first world problems. As in...oh, Poor Guru Louise...you're stressed out about your two fantastic part-time jobs and needing to buy a bigger house? Boo-fing-HOO.

A while ago we did a couple really fun posts about Mommy's First World Problems. We had you guys submit ideas and they were hilarious. And last week I decided to re-read your submissions again to remind myself that I am an asshat who has the best possible types of problems.

Anyway, when I revisited recently I started thinking about my four year-old daughter and the stuff that rubs her keister the wrong way. She is a happy, healthy, fortunate little girl but some stuff just pisses her off. So I give you: First World Problems of a Preschooler:

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You're In Preschool

Here's the thing about having a third kid. They're different. They're awesome but they're different. When my first child was in preschool, a sweeter and more innocent flower you could never find. Sure she was tough and stubborn, but she was also protected from all the influences that could warp her precious young mind. She is now nearly 10 years and still gets upset when people say the "s" word. She thinks the "s" word is "stupid".

Mini is now 4. She can drop the F-bomb in front of her dad with aplomb. She is just as much a sweet little muffin as her siblings were. In some ways, she's even more so because she's the baby. But whereas the big kids were singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and watching Caillou, she is hanging out with her older siblings and their friends and as a result - she is a very different kind of four year old.

Lydia Can Die Now and Guru is Traveling!

Are you ready for a round up?!

Lydia contributed to an amazing anthology of funny essays on motherhood called I Just Want to Pee Alone. It's doing really, really well. I mean, Lydia kind of feels like she could die now. Because look:

If you want to find out more about the other hilarious bloggers who were part of the book, you can check this out. All of these women are funny and talented, some of them so much so that I'm terrified if you click on their blogs you will never come back here because they are THAT good.

In case you were wondering, my essay is about seeing a Hollywood super star on a plane and my reaction to that. Of course, I would not handle that situation with grace or dignity so don't even worry about it.

Domestic Enemies of the Recovering Alcoholic Mom

Welcome to the return of the Domestic Enemies series! It's our hope that these posts will make us giggle, open our eyes to what life is like for different kinds of moms and help us be the kind of people who get it. 

You may not love everything these posts have to say, but we ask that you keep any negative comments respectful. Here we go!

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15 Things Kid Should Not Do While Pooping

Kids and bathroom stuff... It never ends.

I came across an old blog post yesterday that talked about how my kids did a lot of crazy stuff while going to the bathroom. And all I could think was "THIS WAS TWO WHOLE ENTIRE YEARS AGO?!" Because sadly, nothing has really changed.

Every once in a while, a small person will be in there, ostensibly for the purposes of pooping. Then I'l hear a CRASH, quickly followed by a little voice hollering "I'M OK! It's all right!"

What the hell is going on in there? Why is there crashing and things going thud?

So here is a list 15 things that kids should NOT do while pooping. I thought it might be educational for my kids, so I read it to them and they just thought it was funny. Because you know,  poop.

Lydia is Trying to be a Nicer Mommy

Would you take advice from this woman?

I wrote a post for Babble about trying to be a better mom. HEY, AT LEAST I'M TRYING. We all know I'm kind of a train wreck. But this year I'm really working on it.

So I made a list of five little things I could do to be a better, nicer parent and I've been trying them out for a couple of months. And last week I went on TV and talked about my progress.

Seriously, try to ignore my chins because some of this stuff is actually working.

xoxo, Lydia

Name Guru's Minivan!

You guys, it happened. We bought a minivan last weekend.

I wrote all about how it made me feel over at Babble. I'm having a love/hate relationship with this vehicle. On the one hand, it is probably the nicest thing I've ever driven. It has TVs in it and a remote to unlock and open the doors and SO many cupholders. I loooove that stuff. It's also nice that I will now be able to bring my new baby home from the hospital in June, since my old car (a sedan) didn't have room for a third car seat.

10 Questions for my Preschooler

I love my sweet little 4 year old Mini more than boxed wine and Downton Abbey combined, but I need to be straight with you. The child is a handful. I will never understand the things she does. I can only hope to stop her before she causes permanent damage. Then again, we all know she's a precious little cupcake baked by the devil, so what did I expect?

I started rattling off a list of questions I wanted to ask her last night, and my husband Cap'n Coupon reminded me that I was a moron and that all our kids had done this same stuff as preschoolers. It was kind of a relief. So I thought I'd share this stuff with you guys and see if it's happening at your house, too.

Here are ten questions for my preschooler, in a handy dandy list format.

(If it's hard to read, just click on the image to enlarge.)

Today, I'm not a loser. NOT TODAY!

I said that if Parents Magazine named us the funniest blog of the year I would do for all eternity:

WELL GUESS WHAT?! I am doing it now! Because we won!