Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You're In Preschool

Here's the thing about having a third kid. They're different. They're awesome but they're different. When my first child was in preschool, a sweeter and more innocent flower you could never find. Sure she was tough and stubborn, but she was also protected from all the influences that could warp her precious young mind. She is now nearly 10 years and still gets upset when people say the "s" word. She thinks the "s" word is "stupid".

Mini is now 4. She can drop the F-bomb in front of her dad with aplomb. She is just as much a sweet little muffin as her siblings were. In some ways, she's even more so because she's the baby. But whereas the big kids were singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and watching Caillou, she is hanging out with her older siblings and their friends and as a result - she is a very different kind of four year old.


Here's a little story to illustrate what I'm talking about. Mini is in an acting class at her preschool (taught by a very talented family friend). They're doing an exercise where they run around a little bit and then FREEZE. Whatever movement they're frozen in - they then have to describe. What it is, what it means, what it makes them feel like.

So there they are, all the precious little pre-schoolers running around and giggling and having fun and.... Freeze! Mini stops. Her legs are straight and open, making her pudgy body into the shape of an "A". Her arms are also straight and right in front of her, hands clasped together. When it's her turn to describe her movement, she quickly turns her hands into little round fists and starts waggling them back and forth, right in front of her pants.

Mini: [proudly] "So... These are my nuts."
Teacher: "I'm sorry they're your...?"
Mini: [slow and loud, since it's so obvious and the teacher is being obtuse] "They. Are. My. NUTS."
Teacher: "I see."
Mini: "Boys have dem. I'm playing a boy."
Teacher: "I see."
Mini: [now swinging her nuts with abandon] "I do it like this." [swings them violently]
Teacher: "Well, unfortunately this is a nut-free preschool, so you're going to have to put them away."

Mini had no argument for that logic, so she put her nuts away.

The end.

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

39 comments:

  1. PSA: Do not read Rants from Mommyland while nursing a sleeping baby. You will snort and laugh so loud, you will wake up said baby and potentially also get your nipple bitten off.

    What is it about 4 year olds and that 'look'? This evening my daughter gave me that look when I asked her to repeat and elaborate who gave her her green shamrocks she returned home from school with. She gave me the 'What did you not understand when I said it the first time?' look and then proceeded to repeat slowly and loudly 'The Leopard Guard.'

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  2. This is not helping me win an argument with my husband that we need one more baby...

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  3. OMG!!! I have had a very hard night with my kids and I wake up and read that!! You made me laugh so hard. Thank you for sharing that. I needed that.

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  4. give that pre-school teacher an award, stat!
    best comeback line I have heard, ever!

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    1. I had the same thought!!

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  5. Thank you for the laugh this morning!! Love it!

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  6. Mini is awesome. Teacher is awesome. Your Professional family is awesome. The end.

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  7. You are one hundred different kinds of awesome. And so is Mini. If it makes you feel any better, my three year old announced to anyone who would listen (including his sunday school class) that "The doctor cut daddy's pecker off - not all of it though, just a little." after my husband had his vasectomy.

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    1. that reply was just about as funny as the original story...i would have loved to see the adult faces when realization dawned on them of what your 3YO had said :)

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    2. hahahaha! i'm laughing so hard, i'm scaring the kids :S.

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  8. Oh my goodness, that made me laugh out loud! Kids are priceless, and weird, being that they're ours.

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  9. "Do your nuts swing low, do they wobble to and fro?!"

    This was a great way to start the day. Thank you!!

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    1. HAHAHAHAHAHA I was JUST singing this same thing!!! Can you tie 'em in a knot..?

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  10. Thank you for the morning giggles! I have b/g twins (3.5) and my son is forever asking where my daughter's 'wang' went? Did she lose it? Did it fall off? (He always covers his protectively when asking). I explain that he's like Daddy and she's like me and girls don't have 'wangs' and he says, so dead serious and sad, "I'm sorry Mommy." LOL! Not having a wang? WORST. THING. EVER.

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  11. FanFREAKINGtastic!! Kudos to that teacher for the best comeback ever, too!

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  12. Ohmylanta, kids are so freaking hilarious. *Of course* they were her nuts.

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  13. Oh goodness, that adorable little thing!

    I am right behind you in that 3rd little one boat. But, my oldest is a MIDDLE SCHOOLER! Really, this little miss of mine has no chance, she is so lucky she looks sweet and adorable. She is 19 months old and one the only 5 words she will say is SH**. All the freakin' time.

    Yesterday we had to go to Michaels to get a frame for work. It was late, I was tired. The two big kids were entertaining the little one. Until she saw the damned container of ginormous lolly's by the cashier. She was doing her little adorable sign language for more, while pointing at the lolly. I knew a blood curdling, raise the hairs on your back, scream was just about to come out of that sweet face. I gave The Big kids a look that he understood. Out comes the iPod and headphones. There is one song, and one song only, that will get my little one to be content and smile no matter what. It is NOT Wheels on the bus.

    It's "I'm Sexy and I Know It".

    AH - Girl look at that body (Little miss says the "AAAHHHH", that's her part, every time. "AAAHHHHH")

    3rd babies. They are what make comedians the world around! I do so love both our third babies though :)

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    1. My 22 month old LOVES "I'm Sexy and I Know It!" She wiggles right along with the "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle" part.

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    2. I take you guys have never seen or heard I'm elmo and I know it? You tube it ladies. It will save funny looks when they start repeating the words.

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  14. OMG! I totally needed that chuckle this morning! www.susantoday.com

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  15. When my precious little angel started preschool, kids like Mini were my nightmare. He's ten now and still precious, but I've learned to chill. Especially since he taught the other kids "Goddammit," courtesy of my uncensored bad language. Mini sounds adorable.

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  16. My four year old recently had this gem. They were running around the big gym at preschool, putting balls up their shirts pretending they were having babies (one of the teachers is very pregnant). My daughter's teacher told me about it saying, "Rachael had two up her shirt but I don't think she knew what she was doing." (Oh, she knew alright.) I was telling her dad about it that evening in the van. From the back seat my little angel pipes up with, "I had FOUR up my shirt. Two were twins and the other two were poofs." (Her word for the bras at Target.) At this point I am crying I'm laughing so hard. (Quick back story. She's been watching Star Trek: Enterprise with her dad and he's very proud of this. And there's ALWAYS one female who wears a skin-tight outfit that does not meet Star Fleet regulation.) She continues, "I looked just like T'Pol!" I nearly drove off the road.

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  17. Crying. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts. She is too much.

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  18. LOL! That teacher's response was perfection. A nice laugh to start my day, thanks.

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  19. ROFL!!!! I don't know if I would have been able to hold back. I have a bad habit of laughing uncontrollably when kids do silly things like that. Great for the teacher for keeping cool! :)

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  20. Oh the third child... except we have a huge age gap. The oldest is 14 then 9, then 2. So the oldest two sang the Wheels on the Bus and I'm a little Tea pot at that age. My little guy grabs his belly and shakes it while singing "my milkshake brings all the girls to the yard" and shaking his little fanny. It's hilarious and horrifying. And we have the older two to thank for it.

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  21. Stellar, just stellar

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  22. My daughter is an only, and was (is) still a nut. In Junior Kindergarden, her teacher called me laughing her head off. She explained that each child got a chance to sing their favourite song. After several renditions of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Mary Had a Little Lamb" it was my lovely slice of angel food cake's turn. What did she sing? "Born to be Wild" and was very clear that it was the OZZY OSBOURNE version, thank you!

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  23. OMG - I LOVE that teacher! Love your stories too...but the teacher wins this story!

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  24. I have always known that my third and Mini were separated at birth. At her 3-year old check-up the doctor asked her what she like to do and she cocked her little head, gave her devil smile and say 'shake my stinky booty in the air.'

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  25. YES. I even love the comments!!! I think my "third child" was born first. That or I am in so much trouble I can't even think about it without making my brain hurt. His new thing is asking me how the different avengers poop. Ex: L:"Mommy how does Captain America poop?" Me: "Very patriotically" L:"How does Black Widow poop?" Me:"With a bang" L:"How does Hawkeye poop?" Me: "Always on target" and so on. It goes on like this until he can't think of anymore Avengers. Which takes a while. Because he knows them ALL. And he thinks it is absolutely hilarious. I am kind of proud of him for finding a way to combine two of his favorite things. Oh and he won't be 4 until September... can't wait.

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  26. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    That is a brilliant teacher! She clearly understands toddler logic. She should win an award. With a picture of balls on it.

    My 2 1/2 year old is a first child, and is sweet and compassionate and goofy and knows exactly when to say, with gravity, "What the fuck, Mommy." (I just told her that was a grown-up word and she could say "What the heck" because it works the same way. So now she informs people, "I can't say what da fuck, but Mommy says I can say what the heck instead.") She's not as well-informed about balls as Mini, but the last time she happened to see my husband naked she pointed at his penis and laughed. I've never seen him look so awkward. It was priceless.

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    1. Similar story: My daughter, probably about 2 1/2, standing with my husband in the bathroom after he'd gotten out of the shower. She looked at him and asked, "You got a tail?"

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  27. My third when last year in kindergarten was going over her sight words in class the teacher wrote "as" on the board, she promptly raised her hand and said...uhhh Mrs. TEACHER...I think you just wrote a bad word on the board. I heard about it a week or so later while volunteering...the teacher thought it was hilarious, I just shook my head and thought it could be worse....much worse!

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  28. Oh my god, you've got my partner and I crying from laughing at this. Our little girl is only 11 months old but we can SO see her doing this!

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  29. I LOVE that teacher's way of diverting her!! Soooo funny!!

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  30. Great Story! Third Child here too....And I couldn't agree more. She will be 3 next month and the stuff that comes out of her mouth is priceless. Most recently, my 8 year old son was coming out of the shower and she went flying in despite our best efforts to instill privacy. She stops dead in her tracks and says "Awwwwww, look brother - your jay-jay has a belly button!!".

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  31. First, I adore Mini, reading stories about her makes me giggle so much. Second... while taking a break from work while sitting across a table from my boss is not the ideal time to read this cause I definitely started laughing out loud and my boss looked at me like I lost it.

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