Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Horrifying Conversation with Mini #1: The Ginger Ale

Mini and I have had a series of horrifying conversations recently. I've decided to document them for your amusement. Mini is four and a half. Now that's she's getting bigger I'm doing my best to tame her. It's not working.

Here's what happened:

Mini spied a can of ginger ale in the fridge. Why is there ginger ale in the fridge? I have no idea. Ask her father, he did the shopping that week. We don't usually keep soda in the house. I spent the next five days chasing the kids away from it.



Mini: Ooooh... Can I have that?
Me: No.
Mini: I really want to have that.
Me: No. It's 8:30 in the morning. You can't have soda at 8:30 in the morning. That's crazy.
Mini: [Raises eyebrows. Looks skeptical.] 
Me: No.
Mini: OK. [Closes fridge. Walks away.]

I'm an idiot. She never gives up this easily. I should have known she was biding her time. Ten minutes later, I walk out of the bathroom and Mini is standing on a chair next to the fridge and has just opened the can of ice cold ginger ale. She is about to take her first sip.

Me: You know I have to take that away from you, right?
Mini: Just one sip! I'm so firsty!
Me: No.
Mini: [sucks down a HUGE sip before I can take it away from her] OHHHHhhhhhh.... BURP.
Me: Are you OK?
Mini: Here. You can have it. Take it now. It's not good for kids.
Me: Too fizzy?
Mini: No. Too Catholic.
Me: I'm sorry, did you say too Catholic?
Mini: Yah.

I let that sink in a minute. It still didn't make sense. I asked again.

Me: You don't like the ginger ale because it's too Catholic?
Mini: Yah and that's not good for kids. IT MAKES THEM ACT CRAZY. You telled me that.  [Looks at me like I'm an idiot because apparently, I taught her this.] 
Me: ???
Mini: That's why the big kids can't drink Coke because they act all crazy and they don't sleep. Because of all the Catholic.
Me: ???
Mini: [Speaking really slowly because I'm clearly a moron.] Inside the Coke there's some Catholic. And it makes kids go like: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! And then they can't sleep.
[Lightbulb goes off over my head]
Me: Hold up, Buttercup. Do you mean caffeine?
Mini: [Awkward pause.] Yah. That's what I said.
Me: No. You said "Catholic" not "caffeine" and you just really confused your mommy.
Mini: You always look like that. [Walks away.]

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

43 comments:

  1. Cracking up!! Oh my Lord, this is exactly like a conversation I would have with my Abby. She and mini would be total besties! This is hilarious!!-Ashley

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  2. was it vernor's she was actually drinking? and if so, PLEASE tell me where you can buy it outside of michigan!

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    Replies
    1. I too am from MI and had to live a long life without Vernor's. Recently they were purchased by Pepsi, and I can find them at local grocery stores in PA with the "fancy soda".

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    2. If you have Krogers where your from my mom gets it from there. I habe seen them in SOME Walmarts from time to time.

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    3. We can find it in most grocery stores here in Maryland.

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    4. It was Vernor's and we first had it when we were in Michigan! I think the Cap'n bought it at Wegman's in Fairfax, Va.

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    5. Also, if you have BevMo's near you, they sometimes have Vernors in the BOTTLE.

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    6. I've seen Vernor's in Washington State!

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    7. They have it at my Kings

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  3. At some point in my life, my children will learn to associate the looks I give them NOT with how I naturally look, but with how they MAKE me look. Right? I hope. Or else my face will finally stick that way and they will have been right.

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  4. Ha ha! Oh god, she sounds like a lot of fun.

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  5. that sounds like my kids. some days it's so hard to decipher their language

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  6. So funny! Maybe there really ARE Catholics on the soda....it would make sense. She's onto something!

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  7. My almost 4 year old likes to call out my husband when he farts by yelling out loudly about how stinky he is and ewwwww. and if he smells anything that smells strongly in a store ( even if for once it isn't my smelly husband lol ) he will do said routine. its quite hilarious for me but my poor husband lol

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  8. LOL :) Okay, the crazy Catholics were funny enough but I died at this: "You always look like that." Love it!

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  9. My daughter never even tasted soda until she was about 6. We never had it in the house and I don't really drink it, so it just wasn't around. Then at a party she was offered some (ginger ale, actually LOL). She tried it and then said "No thank you, it is too hot". I guess the fizz was too spicy for her LOLOL. She is 13 now and still does not like it, except for fountain style with LOTS of ice to water it down.

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  10. Mine is also 4.5 and the "firsty" made me smile. Thank you!

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  11. "....you just really confused your mommy.
    Mini: You always look like that. [Walks away.]"

    was the best part for me. LMAO

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  12. Am I like totally a bad mom?

    I keep 8 oz cans of sprite and ginger ale in the fridge. They are caffeine free...and good for tummy aches which we seem to have a lot. I also keep 8 oz bottles of water and juice too. Since the Capri Sun fiasco I refuse to buy anything in the little pouches. I don't care what it is. Even clear. This is also kept along with beer, a bottle of chocolate wine and a bottle of white wine. Oh and Dr. Pepper too. I have to have Dr. Pepper.

    *sigh*

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    1. Don't beat yourself up. I keep diet 7-up on hand for me and share it with the kiddies. I'm cruel because I only allow milk, water or diet 7-up but my kids aren't really fans of soda, anyway. However, my 6 year old loves coffee (and has since she started stealing sips from my cup when she was 1) so I keep some decaf on hand for her for special occasions.

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  13. Mini: 4 year old conspiracy theorist. haha!

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  14. I just saw your FB post about "confused words." I didn't want this embarrassment to be traced back to me LOL, so posting anonymously (I hope!!!) here:

    My kids LOVE when the trash truck comes. Neither one of them can say truck correctly, it sounds more like "cock." The trash truck is the "big white cock" and the recycling truck is the "big brown cock."

    Comedy GOLD. :-)

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    1. OMG this made my day!

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  15. Oh my gosh, I have similar conversations with my 4 year old. The most recent one was when he showed his father a picture with two alienesque faces on it. "This is me and daddy. Mommy's not there because she got dead. Sorry mommy."

    (I just read the preschool application post and realized that David is actually 1 day younger than Mini. He was born on 11/11/08. There must have been something in the water...)

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  16. This could have been my child. If they are so good at the "you are an idiot" look now, what's going to happen when they're 12? *shudder*

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  17. Hilarious!

    When he was little, we took our son to the aquarium. He was most fascinated by the octopus, but I was not prepared to hear him YELL: "Wow! Look at all the giant testicles on that thing!" Good times.

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  18. After hearing my husband use far too many inappropriate words on the phone the other night I heard the following conversation:
    EG stands right in front of TV.
    Daddy- "EG! Please Move! I can't see"
    EG doesn't move
    Daddy- "Move!"
    EG "Donkey Head." shakes head and walks away.

    I guess I should be glad she thought he said donkey on the phone lol

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  19. How do I love thee? Let's see...my "mini" is 8.5 and STILL pulls these on me. After 2 years of battle (her being ready, not me) I got her ears pierced last week, and had my friend take a picture. Tough Stuff had me hold her hand and while she said she was totally old enough to handle it all, her face held a look of terror. She's taking care of them by herself, just needs reminders SOME times.
    The best is yet to come!

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  20. My Little Miss Adventure is the spitting image of your Mimi. I have these conversations with her every single day. I love the "that's what I said, Mom" when we can finally figure out what she is talking about. LOL

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  21. This could easily have been a conversation with my four year old daughter. She's pretty understandable most of the time, so when she mispronounces with conviction on occasion I'm usually baffled.

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  22. that is super cute! when margz was little she said soda was too spicy!

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  23. you're so good to try and figure this out. i would have been all...well...too much catholic CAN make you a little crazy. that's why we're just a little bit catholic. ;o)

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  24. I dunno. I'm still stuck on her taking a swig after you said no. Though the confused word thing is kinda funny.

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  25. I am a fourth grade teacher and had the most amusing conversation with a student (a gifted student, by the way) the other day. With a small group of students,
    Me: What's a consonant?
    Student: It's those big pieces of land with other places, like countries...like Africa and Australia.
    Me: (looking slightly puzzled...then the light bulb moment!) I think you mean continent, not consonant. (At least I laugh every day!)

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  26. My youngest also didn't much like his first taste of soda. For the longest time anytime he tasted a food he didn't like he would reject it saying, "Tastes like Sprite," which basically meant it had too strong a favoring of some kind.

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  27. When my daughter was 3 she couldn't say fork properly, so imagine being in a resturant with a toddler who yells things like "I wanna fuck, give me a fuck." We stopped going to resturants until her diction cleared up....

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  28. My son calls cat barf, beef. 'there's beef on the floor. Thunder threw beef" etc etc. I suppose it does kind of look like beef. Did I mention my son hates meat now?

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  29. This post totally made me think of Dane Cook's Christ Chex routine! http://youtu.be/rZBNOa4VcHQ

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    1. Omg funniest thing ever!!! "jeezit" and "start your day the holy way with Christ chex!" are things I say very frequently!

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  30. It's so good to know I am not alone in this insane world of 4 1/2 year old little mini red headed crib midgets on crack (I say with love)!

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  31. Oh, I am just DYING! The comments are nearly as good as the post!!!

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