Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Horrifying Conversation with Mini #1: The Ginger Ale

Mini and I have had a series of horrifying conversations recently. I've decided to document them for your amusement. Mini is four and a half. Now that's she's getting bigger I'm doing my best to tame her. It's not working.

Here's what happened:

Mini spied a can of ginger ale in the fridge. Why is there ginger ale in the fridge? I have no idea. Ask her father, he did the shopping that week. We don't usually keep soda in the house. I spent the next five days chasing the kids away from it.



Mini: Ooooh... Can I have that?
Me: No.
Mini: I really want to have that.
Me: No. It's 8:30 in the morning. You can't have soda at 8:30 in the morning. That's crazy.
Mini: [Raises eyebrows. Looks skeptical.] 
Me: No.
Mini: OK. [Closes fridge. Walks away.]

I'm an idiot. She never gives up this easily. I should have known she was biding her time. Ten minutes later, I walk out of the bathroom and Mini is standing on a chair next to the fridge and has just opened the can of ice cold ginger ale. She is about to take her first sip.

Me: You know I have to take that away from you, right?
Mini: Just one sip! I'm so firsty!
Me: No.
Mini: [sucks down a HUGE sip before I can take it away from her] OHHHHhhhhhh.... BURP.
Me: Are you OK?
Mini: Here. You can have it. Take it now. It's not good for kids.
Me: Too fizzy?
Mini: No. Too Catholic.
Me: I'm sorry, did you say too Catholic?
Mini: Yah.

I let that sink in a minute. It still didn't make sense. I asked again.

Me: You don't like the ginger ale because it's too Catholic?
Mini: Yah and that's not good for kids. IT MAKES THEM ACT CRAZY. You telled me that.  [Looks at me like I'm an idiot because apparently, I taught her this.] 
Me: ???
Mini: That's why the big kids can't drink Coke because they act all crazy and they don't sleep. Because of all the Catholic.
Me: ???
Mini: [Speaking really slowly because I'm clearly a moron.] Inside the Coke there's some Catholic. And it makes kids go like: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! And then they can't sleep.
[Lightbulb goes off over my head]
Me: Hold up, Buttercup. Do you mean caffeine?
Mini: [Awkward pause.] Yah. That's what I said.
Me: No. You said "Catholic" not "caffeine" and you just really confused your mommy.
Mini: You always look like that. [Walks away.]

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

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