Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Horrifying Conversation with Mini #2: The Baby Duck

Mini says things that are horrifying. She always has. She is one part sweet, adorable cupcake and one part iron-willed anarchist. Now that she is approaching the age where she is required to be civilized, I am attempting to crack down on her more and more. It's not working.

Last Sunday, she was in full spirits.  She did not care what anyone said. She wanted to frolic. It was warm and sunny! Finally!

She wanted to frolic through the Home Depot parking lot. So she unbuckled herself and attempted to throw open the van door while the vehicle was still moving. She really wanted to frolic at the playground adjacent to her brother's Little League field. Is it safe for small children to play there? Out of the vision and the ear shot of their parents? It is not. That was not important to Mini.

She wanted to pull the red wagon to the top of our street and then get in it and race it down the hill like it was Nascar, while standing up and screaming. I said no. She tried it anyway. She wanted to climb onto the window sill in the dining room so she could get a better look at the birds, notwithstanding the fact that she can't get down by herself and she could slip and pop a small extremity through a pane of glass.

She was not fond of my attempts to contain her. Not even a little bit. We had a long talk about the importance of listening and making safe choices.  Those words made her mad. I didn't realize just how mad until dinner that evening.

The family was chatting at the table and Mini kept trying interrupt us to tell us a joke. It was a horrifying joke.

Family: Blah blah blah. Chat chat chat.
Mini: STOP. Hear this. I has something to say.
Me: What is it?
Mini: It's a joke.
Me: Great, sweetie!
Mini: OK... Why did the baby duck cwoss the road?
Cap'n Coupon: I don't know. Was there a cupcake over there?
Mini: No. Dere was no cupcake.

Family collectively smiles at how cute this is.

Mini: Da baby duck cwossed the road because his family told him to.


Smiles expectantly.

Mini: They said "Cwoss the road, little duck. There are no cars."

Pauses to gauge our reaction. None of us knew where this is going.

Mini: But there WERE cars. And they hit him. And now he's dead.

She turned slowly to face me, then stared directly into my eyes. Her meaning was clear as day: And THAT is why you should never listen to your family.

Me: Sweet Lord...
Hawk: That was dark, Mini. That was really dark.
Cap'n Coupon: Wow.
Mini: Yah. I know. [shrugs] You needed to hear dat joke.

And then I realized for the hundredth time that I was totally out matched. Because I did not need to hear that joke. And the next day when I told her preschool teacher what happened, the woman honestly did not believe me. She was like: "Nooo... You're kidding! She is such a sweetheart for me."

And I was horrified all over again. The End.

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

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