Thursday, May 30, 2013

Domestic Enemies of the Mom with One Kid

This is a post a lot of people have been asking for. So without further ado... 

The Domestic Enemies of the Mom with One Kid

A little background first – I am the 30-something year old working mother of one darling five year old boy named Firebreath Slasher (I let him pick his own name) but we can call him Taco for short (I also let him pick his own nickname).

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Help this Woman: The Guide Dog

I got this message on Facebook asking for our advice and OF COURSE I had to share it with you...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

How I Know it's Almost Summer

So we've passed that all important maternal marker - Memorial Day weekend. It's practically summer and that means all the rules are different. You know how I know this? Because there are so many reasons. If you don't believe me, here are eleven.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day 2013

This is Jas with one of the babies that Final Salute is helping.
If you've been here with us in Mommyland for long, you know we have a real affinity for military families and those who serve our country. Memorial Day seems a good time to talk about this a little bit.

Just a warning, you guys, this post isn't funny.

Last Christmas we worked with a couple of amazing women from an organization called Final Salute. They work tirelessly to help women veterans and their children find a way back from homelessness. Jaspen Boothe is the founder and President of Final Salute, as well as being a Captain in the US Army.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Summertime and the Napping is Easy

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

You guys. You're going to love this blog. Say good bye to the next 45 minutes. Here's more about the lady behind Naps Happen:

Alicia is best known for her blog Naps Happen,  where she curates an ever-expanding selection of hilarious children's nap photos. Proving the popularity of a good snooze, her blog has been featured online in publications such as the Huffington Post and Parade and on parenting websites, including Babble, Babycenter, and Nickmom and she also was voted into the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs in 2011 and 2012. When she's not blogging, Alicia spends her time wrangling two small boys and teaching college writing in the suburbs of Washington D.C. 

If you have any great naps you want to share (especially ones having to do with theme parks, Disney World or summer vacation spots), pretty please send them to Alicia at:

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Mom Vs. Skinny Jeans: A Dressing Room Battle

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

Today's post comes to you from the infamous Toulouse. You should know that she is both cool and the gang. We both sometimes get to kick it with the guys on Dadsaster and that's actually a really good indicator of awesomeness. 

Here's a little more about her:

Toulouse is a writer and SAHM of 2 stinky boys who works hard to exercise her family’s sense of humor by writing about them on her blog, Toulouse & Tonic and over-sharing on facebooktwitter and pinterest.  While her methods are unorthodox, she is succeeding at making her kids hate her one post at a time.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Let Me Start By Saying...

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

Lydia here. Hi & waving!  Kim said I could write her bio for her, so I am (insert evil laugh).

Kim Bongiorno blogs at Let Me Start By Saying, but is better known for her work as a rodeo clown. She has dated Rick Springfield, Ricky Gervais and Ricardo Montalban, but none of those relationships were satisfactory. She spends a lot of time on FacebookTwitter & Pinterest, mostly trying to contact Ricky Schroder. Eventually she stopped because one night she stumbled onto a Silver Spoons marathon and after twelve hours she was completely sated with Rick. She is extremely attractive and very funny. She enjoys Korean barbeque but only the shortribs. If you try and put lemon in her ice tea SHE WILL CUT YOU. Now please click here to read some posts that she wrote that will completely corroborate everything I just said.*

*All lies.

Monday, May 20, 2013

The Bad Samaritan

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

I love this woman. Is that weird? Because she is super funny and doesn't mind if I stroke her shiny hair. Actually, she might mind. I'm not sure. Here's more about the Ninja Mom:

Nicole Leigh Shaw consistently wonders, "Why did I come into this room?" Once upon a time she was a mostly serious news journalist, an accidental magazine columnist, and a mediocre editor. Now she funnels an enthusiasm for meeting minimum requirements into her blog, Ninja Mom, and finding pairs of socks for her kids that kind of match. With four kids under age eight (two are twins), she can say with confidence that she's finally gotten the hang of this birth control thing: Facebook. Because one cannot procreate and update statuses at the same time. Like her Facebook page and follow her on her back-up birth control, Twitter. If that's not enough, follow her work for NickMom.

Friday, May 17, 2013

For the Love of God, Use the Back Door

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

This post is from my very, very good pals Ashley and Lisa at The Dose of Reality. I pink puffy heart love them. Then they sent me this post and based on the title I was like: "GROSS you guys, I'm all about personal preference but this is a family blog. You like back door action that's your business but seriously..." 
And then I read it and I was like "OOooohhhhh! Sorry! Nevermind." and also I cracked up because my house is way worse. Oh and here's a little more about Lisa & Ashley: 

Lisa and Ashley, a.k.a. The Dose Girls, are currently sitting in their ancient minivans in a carpool line somewhere. They hope you won't judge them, but they stand a better chance of creating world peace than keeping their houses clean and organized. At their blog, The Dose of Reality, they tell it like it it *really* is.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sky Rockets in Flight! Afternoon Delight!

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

Rebecca Gallagher is a blogger, mom, wife and poop scooper, not necessarily in that order. She writes at her blog, Frugalista Blog, which isn't about couponing. She likes movies, Daniel Craig, tea and lip gloss. She can be found driving her mini van to PTA meetings and heading to Target in yoga pants and cashmere. She spends too much time on Pinterest checking beauty tips and not enough time cleaning her house. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter @FrugieBlog. And you can buy the book she co-authored called, I Just Want To Pee Alone on Amazon.

[Editor's note: she is also gorgeous and incredibly funny. xo. Lydia]

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

F*&k You, Schizophrenia.

This is the very first post in the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

This post was written by Kerry Rossow of the blog HouseTalkN (you can also find her on Facebook). Normally, she's really funny. But this post is not funny. It breaks my heart. May is Mental Health Awareness month. So many families struggle with mental illness and it is so hard. It is just so hard. 

Take a deep breath and read this. But I warn you, it's the kind of honest that is hard to read. Thank you, Kerry, for writing this and sharing it.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Crazy Lady Go Bye Bye

I'm FINE! Where's the liquor at?!
This is my busiest time of year. The seasonal clothing migration is STILL not done. The semester is ending and students are emailing me every five seconds about their grades. Every single possible kid-related activity is kicked into high gear AND LIKE A GENIUS, I was all "Sure! I'll help out with that!"

Now please add in teacher appreciation week, two major Mother's Day undertakings, deadlines for Babble, assorted family obligations, 2 kids' birthdays, and a house so filthy that my neighbors are starting to look concerned about my children's welfare. Plus - POLLEN. I am brimming with allergies, which require me to take anti-histamines to function. The anti-histamines have the unfortunate effect of turning me into a crazy person with squirrels in my brain.

Here's what I look like right now ---------------------->

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Domestic Enemies of the Cancer Mom

Today's post comes from reader Elizabeth Renker, who is a mediocre mom to three girls who will change the world someday, if they don't burn the house down first. She thought being a SAHM was hard, but it turns out being a SAHM to a kid with cancer is even harder. She shares her own rants at Confessions of a Mediocre Mom, where she discusses things like poop, wine, and losing her ever loving mind. She spends far too much time on Facebook, still doesn't fully understand Twitter, and lives vicariously through Pinterest

And now we present: Domestic Enemies of the Cancer Mom

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Tea Party at Target

Kate originally wrote this post 3 years ago and it's my favorite thing she ever wrote. It's time to share it again. Because as as a parent sometimes I need to be reminded that I am all they have in the world.


I'm sitting in my car in the Target parking lot. Typing this on my phone -- thumb-typing -- before I forget anything. Because I totally will. I'll start the car and drive home or to school or wherever, and then I'll wake up at 2AM thinking, "God dammit, all that funny stuff happened and now it's gone."

Three cars are stalking my parking space. They're gonna be pissed, because I'm gonna be here forever. Thumb typing. And I have a Band-aid on my thumb which means I'm screwing up every word and my automatic spell-checker is making stupid suggestions.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Let's Help Some Muthas Out this Mother's Day!

You know how we get a little crazy with our Give it Up projects? Well guess what we're doing now? We partnered up with Naughty Betty (the world's most awesome gift and greeting card company) to make a series of Mother's Day eCards for the Real World. Remember the Valentines for the Real World? These are like those only a million times more awesome.

Because for every time you share these eCards get on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, our buddies at Sweet will donate money to Shelter House  -- up to $10,000. Shelter House provides safe haven and services for families struggling with homelessness and domestic violence. If you want to find out more about the project, you can also read the back story here.

To see the all the eCards and share them, click here

Here are a couple of my favorites along with a graphic describing what we're trying to do.

And this one is my favorite. And for some reason, even though I've seen it a million times - I get a strange tightness in my throat and I need to blink a few times. Is that weird?

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

Sunday, May 5, 2013

It's Almost Mother's Day!

Last year, we decided to rethink Mother's Day. We ended up doing some pretty amazing stuffThis year, we hope you'll give it up all over again because it's time to hook some muthas up. This Mother's Day, we want to help women living in homeless and domestic violence shelters. 

We're are in awe of the strength and bravery it takes to leave an abusive situation. To lose everything and rebuild your life. To overcome something horrible and fight your way back. To confront addiction and work every day to beat it. These women deserve something on Mother's Day and they probably won't get a thing. That ain't right and we want to help. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Domestic Enemies of the Widow Mom

When I got this post, I was like YES! Fist pump! We need to share this. 

And you guys, the very the last bit of wisdom at the end made me all sniffly. Because I've watched my own siblings grow up without their mom (my beloved step mom) and my amazing cousins have to do the same. And that advice just rang so true to me...

So I present to you, the Domestic Enemies of the Widowed Mom.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Heartwarming Conversation with Mini: The Hedgehog

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been posting conversations with my 4 year old daughter Mini that have been somewhat horrifying. I'm sure I will continue to post them as she never ceases to surprise me.

Last weekend, for example, she woke me up at 6:00am by poking me repeatedly in the neck and whispering furiously: "Det up. DET UP NOW. Jesus is coming. HURRY UP MAMA, you know he only comes twice a month."

I have no idea what that even means. But Mini is the undisputed queen of being unintentionally hilarious.

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