Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Let Me Start By Saying...

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

Lydia here. Hi & waving!  Kim said I could write her bio for her, so I am (insert evil laugh).

Kim Bongiorno blogs at Let Me Start By Saying, but is better known for her work as a rodeo clown. She has dated Rick Springfield, Ricky Gervais and Ricardo Montalban, but none of those relationships were satisfactory. She spends a lot of time on FacebookTwitter & Pinterest, mostly trying to contact Ricky Schroder. Eventually she stopped because one night she stumbled onto a Silver Spoons marathon and after twelve hours she was completely sated with Rick. She is extremely attractive and very funny. She enjoys Korean barbeque but only the shortribs. If you try and put lemon in her ice tea SHE WILL CUT YOU. Now please click here to read some posts that she wrote that will completely corroborate everything I just said.*

*All lies.


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Kids are born adorable, and come with squeaky-cute voices that make us smile.

Don't let that shit fool you.

They spend most of their days talking trash about us behind our backs, mocking us, or planning things to deliberately mess with our sanity.

Think I'm exaggerating? Then take a look at this quick sampling of what kids are really thinking and saying when we're not listening. 

You may never never look at those sweet faces the same again.









(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

17 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Angie! Those darn kids. I'm so hip to their mind games.

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  2. HAHAHA!!! The baby in the pot made me snort at work. I gotta check out this blog...

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    Replies
    1. That baby is not amused. But I'm glad you were. Come visit me, anytime!

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  3. Yeah, the flower pot. Or when the tiny babies are shoved back into the pea pod sack after they just came out of their uterus sack and they are probably thinking, I JUST busted out of a joint like this. My LEGS. I WANT TO STRETCH MY LEGS.

    The last one is my favorite. I've fallen for that trick...today more times than I care to admit.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I can't imagine babies would like to get shoved into all those props. I can only assume the sleepy ones are just exhausted from trying to break out of orchid sacks and bean pods they're trapped in for hours...

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  4. Poop or chocolate, that is classic! Lol

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    Replies
    1. It's always best to sniff first, taste last.

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    2. caught my sister doing that once when I was pregnant, she tasted it, it was chocolate. I will never test it, everrrrrrr

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  5. The last one is the best. That little boy's face just kills me.

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    Replies
    1. He may be up to trouble, but I want to squeeze those cheeks.

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  6. Ohmygod, Kim, that last one?! Two evil geniuses planning a parent's demise. Brilliant! Wrong, but brilliant ;)

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    Replies
    1. All kids are brilliant. They just eat their boogers to make us think the opposite.

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  7. I am dying. Kim, you are so great! And now, I don't want to sit down on the potty either...

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Meredith! Yeah, in my next life I will be super rich and have my own thumbprint-access-only bathroom.

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  8. Seriously Kim.... how do you do this? How in the HE-- do you keep the brilliance coming? Do you ever sit at your keyboard and go, "Hmm... nothin'. I got nothin'." You are just a rock star, lady. :)

    This was hilarious!! My favorite is the first one.

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    Replies
    1. Please keep coming by with your lovely comments. They keep my brain happy happy joy joy!

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