Monday, May 20, 2013

The Bad Samaritan

This post is part of the series introducing you to my co-authors of the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone".

I love this woman. Is that weird? Because she is super funny and doesn't mind if I stroke her shiny hair. Actually, she might mind. I'm not sure. Here's more about the Ninja Mom:

Nicole Leigh Shaw consistently wonders, "Why did I come into this room?" Once upon a time she was a mostly serious news journalist, an accidental magazine columnist, and a mediocre editor. Now she funnels an enthusiasm for meeting minimum requirements into her blog, Ninja Mom, and finding pairs of socks for her kids that kind of match. With four kids under age eight (two are twins), she can say with confidence that she's finally gotten the hang of this birth control thing: Facebook. Because one cannot procreate and update statuses at the same time. Like her Facebook page and follow her on her back-up birth control, Twitter. If that's not enough, follow her work for NickMom.


I overheard a mom at an indoor playground telling her son that because she didn’t have the requisite socks, he couldn’t play on the play equipment. I felt an urge to rummage through my diaper bag to find clean socks (har har, there weren’t any) to give to her in her time of need. I stopped myself when I realized I didn’t want to be the Bad Samaritan (BS). Maybe she had an entire bagful of socks but she just didn’t want Jimmy on the playground. The BS would have hijacked her little white lie. You know the type. The BS “helps” when you need it least. Here are some examples:
Jimmy: Mommy, I’m hungry. May I have a snack?
Mom: No Jimmy, I’m afraid I didn’t bring any snacks.
Bad Samaritan (BS): Oh! I have some M&Ms, Oreos, and Twinkies. You can have one of each for your little Jimmy.
Mom: Oh goody. It’s 11:45 and we’re on our way home to slog through another round of “eat your veggies.” I’m so very grateful that you were here to provide Jimmy with the sugary, empty calories that will only fill him with bounce-off-the-walls energy until he crashes in a blaze of furious tantrums. And that’s to say nothing of how fully this will derail our consumption of lunch.
Jimmy: (drooling and mumbling) Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme . . .
The BS is everywhere and she is usually the most innocent and kind-intentioned person. She might pose as a grandma at a supermarket who helps retrieve a toy off a shelf that you never wanted your 2-year-old to get her hands on. She may materialize as a young mom with clean kids in clean clothes. She’ll be perky and invigorated by motherhood and will encourage your 6-year-old to participate in the free face painting at the carnival even though the line stretches into the next decade and your 4-year-old needs to pee in the Porta-Potty that’s 3 miles in the other direction. The BS will ruin your outing, your lunch, your intentions. The BS will cause you to curse all humanity as your will over your children is overruled by the allure of a free lollipop from the nice man at the bank.
Beware the BS in yourself. Fight the good fight and help mothers and fathers everywhere to maintain the little white lies of parenthood that help the necessary to happen and the distractions to stay safely hidden behind the bank teller’s counter.

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

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