Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Horrifying Conversation with Mini: Seltzer Edition

As you know, my four year old daughter Mini is both awesome and horrifying. Here is yet another example of both her ability to be hilarious and my ability to fail as a parent.

Allow me to set the scene. We're eating dinner and Mini asks for a sip of her father's seltzer water. He hands it to her and she takes a big sip and then burps. Then she starts maniacally laughing.

Then everything got weird again.

Mini: BUUUURP. (handing can of seltzer back to her dad) I tricked you!
Cap'n Coupon: (takes it back and begins to take a sip) How did you trick me?
Mini: That fizzy drink had the caffeine in it and I drank it and now I can stay up for dong!
Cap'n: (sprays seltzer out of his nose and sputters) What now? (whimpers) IT BURNS. It really burns.
Me: I'm sorry, you said you'll stay up for dong?
Mini: (nodding) Yah. I meant to say that I will stay up for LONG. Like for a long time. But instead I said I could stay up for dong. Silly me. Saying "stay up for dong" is baby language.
Me: Baby language for WHAT?
Hawk (age 8): That's awesome. What's a dong?
Thumbelina (age 10): I know! It's a clock sound.
Me: That's correct! Dong is a clock sound. No more seltzer for Mini.
Cap'n: (apparently snorting seltzer is an unpleasant experience because he has a really weird look on his face) It still burns. But it's so funny.

Let me pause. By confirming that dong means "a clock noise" I think I have handled this beautifully. I may have thought smugly to myself "NAILED IT." Except that in confirming its definition, I have unknowlingly granted my entire family tacit permission to use the word 'DONG' constantly. Because it sounds awesome and is fun to say! And it means a clock noise!

Mini: Momma, if I finish my dinner can I have dessert and some dong?
Me: Yes, you may have dessert.
Hawk: DONG.
Cap'n: snort.
Mini: Ok, I'n done. I want dessert.
Me: You are not done.
Mini: Yes I an. Can I have a popsicle?
Me: No. Finish your dinner.
Mini: I AN DONE.
Me: Do not even ask me for dong unless you can finish your turkey burger, young lady.
Cap'n: That's right. Only good eaters get dong.
Me: I need to go in the other room now. I AN DONE.
Hawk: DONG!

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013


  1. I think I would create a new dessert and call it Dong... but then you'll have things to explain in school.

  2. I love how cap'n just fans the flames!

  3. OMG, laughing so hard sitting in my office, tears streaming down my face. I'm sure my co-workers think I've finally lost it for real!

  4. I like the "only good eater get dong" comment. Now it is more en vogue to have a couple of extra pounds, right ladies?!

  5. i am so delirious I thought dong was bong until the end, now I am just giggling over how momhood deletes brain cells much more than a bong

  6. Bahahahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, that's too funny. Only good eaters get dong!

  7. I gave my kids 'marshmallow moments' cereal today (cheap lucky charms) and my 3 yr old yelled"my favorite! Hookers and marshmallows!" The cereal is shaped like anchors. I was a little horrified.

  8. Causing a scene in the doctor's office waiting area! Thanks for the laugh!!

  9. I LOVE the horrifying conversation posts. They are so funny... And so true. It reminds me of, just a little while ago, the fam was all seated at the table for dinner and my four year old little boy turns to me and goes "Mommy, you're a hoe" I just looked at him... For a good ten seconds.. "What?", "I said you're a hoe" I looked up at the rest of the family who are all staring at me with the deer in headlights look. So I ask again "What did you say?" He rolls his eyes and huffs (I mean come on, he was being very clear wasn't he?)then replies "I saaaid you. are. a. hoe... You know, like a circle.. A hoe" and then points to a HOLE in the t-shirt was wearing. "Ohhhhh! Yes, dear I have a HOLE in my shirt. HOLLLE.. There's an L in there."

  10. Crying crying - so funny!

  11. I'm at work about crying from laughing and trying to keep quiet. I heart Mini. At least this post will keep my up till 10 when I can go home... ya know... when the clock goes DOOOONG

  12. Oh why have I not found this sooner! Crying!

  13. I think I hurt myself, I laughed so hard.
    At my desk.
    By myself in the office.
    I gotta go home.




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