Thursday, June 20, 2013

How Motherhood Is Like Having a Bad Boyfriend


Super hawt, right?
This guest post is part of a series featuring the bad ass mamas who contributed to book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". Please meet the incredibly talented and insanely gorgeous, Keesha Beckford. Here's her bio:

Before her two children re-choreographed her life, Keesha was a professional dancer who performed in the U.S. and in Europe. Today she is a master modern and jazz dance teacher in the Chicago area. She is also the human cyclone behind the popular blog Mom’s New Stage. A multitasker at heart, she shows fierce skills at simultaneously writing, choreographing, checking Facebook and Pinterest updates, playing the role of a mother named Joan “Kumbaya” Crawford, and overcooking food. Find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+.
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"I lose my temper and say horrible things, and then, when they cry, I come back with, 'I'm sorry, sweetie. I love you. You know I love you baby'," a mom buddy of mine confessed. "I feel like an abusive husband."

She nailed it - a shameful analogy, but totally true.

But was it one sided?  Were we parents the only "abusive" ones?  I mean sure, as parents and adults we should certainly have more mastery over our anger responses, and there is no excuse whatsoever for violence against a child.  But our children have us by the metaphorical balls.  Because of our enabling and anxiety, this generation, unlike any before, has been empowered to wage almost professional level psychological warfare against us, their parents.

The last time I felt this level of constant manipulation was when I was a younger, stupider version of myself, in a relationship that could be best compared to Hannah's in the amazing HBO series Girls (that's all I'm going to say, Iest folks curse me for being a spoiler.)  Here are the parallels:



(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

19 comments:

  1. I feel the same way a lot, but it's the physical abuse from my child that gets me. The amount of times I've been headbutted in the nose halfway through a hug! Or the nights she can only sleep by lying across my neck so I can't breath. all is forgiven as soon as she gives me that cheeky smile... May be it's time to ring a hotline?

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    1. I love the idea of the Parental Abuse Hotline! I would be calling them hourly. And being headbutted is the worst - I have almost broken down in tears from those. And why I don't? I don't want to scare them. Honestly...

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    2. I have never been beaten by anyone in my whole entire life…except for by my son between his 1st and 2nd years. It was the most horrible combination of 'don't f*ing hit me' feelings deep inside and crazy shock that this little boy whom I love more than anything has just freaking hit me. The irony!

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  2. lol! Definite honesty and got a kick outof how true the "list" is. Tks for making my day a little brighter. :)

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    1. So glad you liked, Gena! It's not something most people would put together, but, well, yeah...

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  3. My oldest daughter makes me feel this way. I just keep reminding her that one day, when she is a mommy, she will want her little ones to be kind and mind her. She just says "whem I'M the boss" and nods her head in approval as if she will some day be able to rule her children better than I do. She is only 4 years old. Sigh.

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    1. "When I'm the boss" Gotta LOVE her. More power to her, right. But when you're Grandma, you'll have that last laugh, won't you. Sometimes my mom seems positively elated at the #@$% my kids throw at me...

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  4. I feel the same way! Although, I have to say, my two boys are physically abusive LOL I am waiting for the day that I'm going to have to go into the dentist with a broken nose and broken front teeth, trying to tell him it was my toddler that did this and not my DH. My older child, a tween (12) is just as bad - she's the emotionally abusive kind. You know, the kind where she loves you one minute and the next minute is screaming at you, about how you don't love her, you never do anything for her, you never let her do anything, and you're ruining her life.. and your left in a whirlwind of emotions thinking "What the heck did I do? All I said was to put your plate in the sink?" Hahaha. Gotta love 'em.

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    1. I hope that never happens - but I have come close to that broken nose from the old "jumping up in bed when Mommy bends down to hug me routine" and it hurts like a mofo. The emotional abuse from a girl tween sounds like reliving middle school every day in your own home. Shudder! More power to ya, lady!!!

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  5. This is amazing! There are a lot of things that I can totally relate to and it just makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone. I can really relate to #4, #6, #7 and #9 from the picture but no matter how horrible everything has been, nothing ever compares to the feeling that you get with #10. Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful article!

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    1. Awwww, thanks so much, Janet! Much appreciated! And it is definitely #10 that keeps us going. And the fact that they are so stinkin' cute!

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  6. spot on and hilarious - just what I needed to read today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!

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  7. I love me some RFML, but I am not loving this post. I don't think it is at all funny making light of dometic violence.

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    1. I don't think this is meant to be making light of domestic violence, in fact it seems the opposite to me, indicating that we have to put up with behaviour from our small children that we would find unacceptable in adults and that we sometimes express emotions (such as sorrow at punishing them) which wouldn't be suitable if it were an adult relationship. This is more, poking fun at our relationship with our children and how we respond to this, than making light of any domestic violence situation.

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  8. Experienced all this today with the little ones. Esp the 8 year old. He just KNOWS how to get his licks in... always did, from biting for attention to head butting after nursing to deliberately, calculatingly just going over the line when told not to. This makes me feel better: I actually spent the better part of this evening thinking how I could find out if there was actually something to be worried about...

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  9. Love this analogy and it's so true. When my kids were toddlers I used to joke that dealing with them was like dealing with a really drunk person. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. They have no control over their physical cells. You can't take your eye off of them for a minute or they will be wreaking havoc and thinking it's hilarious. And there's a good chance they might pull their pants down.

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  10. Ha! This is hilarious and oh so true!

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