Thursday, July 18, 2013

Directionally Challenged

This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

Meet my friend Meredith, she is precious sparkling kitten of happiness. Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, dedicatedly earning her title one epic parenting fail at a time.  When her kids aren't busy pummeling each other with legos or requiring their 16th sippy cup refill of the day, she tries to offer quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents of the world and all their empathizers.  She remains entirely terrified by crafts, promises to never share any useful household tips, and is fully committed to a less serious look at the world of parenting.  Social media is beyond her comprehension, but she makes a pass at TwitterFacebook, Pinterest and G+

My husband and I sometimes have slight miscommunication about directions.  GPS has made this so much smoother, but we’ve still got our hang-ups.  The primary problem is that I explain things in a way that makes sense, and he only confuses the situation more by using fancy things like streets, routes and road names.  The other day, when I was stuck around a really nasty accident, I called my husband to help me navigate around the mess.
“Hey, I’m in town and there’s a big accident.  Is there a back way around the store?”
“What store?”
“Don’t be stupid.  The grocery store. ” What other than food could possibly necessitate dragging both our children out of the house?
“Which grocery store?”.
“Please.  I don’t have time for this.  How do I turn around on that road by the preschool?”
“Are you on Rte. 100?”
“If by that, you mean the highway that goes by that shopping strip with the Bob Evans in it, then yes.”
“Are you going north or south?”
“I’m going in the direction you go if you are driving from the Starbucks with the drive-thru to Target–the new one, not the old one.  They have really cute new socks in the dollar aisle too.”
“Okay.  What if you try to turn around by the gas station up by 322?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.  Listen, I have to tell you that they changed the name of the diner we used to go to.  Also, before I forget, there is a new autobody shop with a sign out front that says, ‘Can we fix it?  Yes we can!‘”
“Um, great.”
“Do you want me to try to get a picture and text it to you?”
“That’s okay.” Envisioning me running the minivan off the road in a desperate attempt to capture the shout-out to Bob the Builder, my son’s new hero.
“Alright, what should I make for dinner?”
“What about your directions?”
“What directions?”
“For getting home around the accident.”
“Oh, that’s fine.  It’s already clearing up and I’m on my way.”
I love you too, honey.
Read more at The Mom of the Year and kick it with her on TwitterFacebookPinterest and G+

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

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