Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Everyone is Losing Weight at Me


Everyone I know is losing weight at me. It's so annoying of them. They're all: "I want to be healthy and live longer and enjoy my life and look good in shorts and model good eating for my kids and make you look fatter."

Thanks a lot, family and friends. I see exactly what you're doing here and it's not going to work. I don't buy into that nonsense. I love you for you.



Now maybe my perception of their recent commitment to being healthy says more about me than about them. Possibly. Ahem, fine. I know what it means.*  It means that except for one time when I was 9 months pregnant, I've never been this fat. It means I don't feel good about that. It means I feel kind of out of control about it because I just stopped paying attention a while ago and now it seems like I have a mountain to climb to get it back to normal.

((*Thanks, Glennon Melton, for nailing the "at me" thing in THIS POST RIGHT HERE.  Stop being such a good writer at me, OK?))

I don't want to climb a damn mountain. Dude, it's hot outside. I don't want to climb anything. I want to watch "Call of the Wildman" with my kids, inside with the air conditioning blasting, as God intended it. That seems a lot more reasonable.

But three very awesome women in my family have lost a combined total of about 90 pounds over the last six months and they're irritatingly happy about it.  They're all doing Weight Watchers. They all feel great and look great. The really annoying thing is that they all (independently of one another) have said variations of the following to me:

"I could kick myself for waiting so long to do this. I should have done it years ago because I feel so much better now. I just needed to start paying attention."

SHUT UP WITH YOUR HAPPINESS AND GOOD CHOICES, OK? IT'S KIND OF JUDGEY.

Whatever, it's not judgey because their choices have nothing to do with me. But their example was sort of overwhelming so I caved. But only after being subjected to the ruthless and relentless peer pressure of happy people making positive life choices. GAH!! Stop being good around me, people. I already get it. The problem is not (and has never been) not getting it. I know what I have to do. The problem is the actually doing it.

So I gave in and joined Weight Watchers on-line a couple of weeks ago. But not because I wanted to, OK? I'm just tired of feeling like schmidt about this part of my life. In fact, I'm tired of all of the things that have to do with me being overweight. Seriously. I just don't care anymore.

But not caring and not paying attention have had several major downsides. One was that it freed me up to stop paying attention to what I was eating and how I was taking care of myself. It freed me up to eat like this for pretty much the last 10 years:
I did a whole post on the USDA "My Plate" with a couple more graphics. It's called GOOD NUTRITION CAN BITE ME.
So for the past couple of weeks I've been doing the things that I'm supposed to and paying more attention and it actually feels OK. I'm not going to be all annoying and smug about it, though. Because I'd still rather just have some freaking gummy bears and not care. But then I got on the scale and I lost a few pounds and I'm like, CRAP. It's actually working so now I have to keep doing it.

So [insert eye roll] whatever, I'm going to be a losing weight person for a while and see how it goes. But don't worry, I promise I'm not doing it at you. Also here's this:




It looks like I'm happy, right? I'm not.

(c) Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

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