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Thanks a lot, family and friends. I see exactly what you're doing here and it's not going to work. I don't buy into that nonsense. I love you for you.
Now maybe my perception of their recent commitment to being healthy says more about me than about them. Possibly. Ahem, fine. I know what it means.* It means that except for one time when I was 9 months pregnant, I've never been this fat. It means I don't feel good about that. It means I feel kind of out of control about it because I just stopped paying attention a while ago and now it seems like I have a mountain to climb to get it back to normal.
((*Thanks, Glennon Melton, for nailing the "at me" thing in THIS POST RIGHT HERE. Stop being such a good writer at me, OK?))
But three very awesome women in my family have lost a combined total of about 90 pounds over the last six months and they're irritatingly happy about it. They're all doing Weight Watchers. They all feel great and look great. The really annoying thing is that they all (independently of one another) have said variations of the following to me:
"I could kick myself for waiting so long to do this. I should have done it years ago because I feel so much better now. I just needed to start paying attention."
SHUT UP WITH YOUR HAPPINESS AND GOOD CHOICES, OK? IT'S KIND OF JUDGEY.
Whatever, it's not judgey because their choices have nothing to do with me. But their example was sort of overwhelming so I caved. But only after being subjected to the ruthless and relentless peer pressure of happy people making positive life choices. GAH!! Stop being good around me, people. I already get it. The problem is not (and has never been) not getting it. I know what I have to do. The problem is the actually doing it.
So I gave in and joined Weight Watchers on-line a couple of weeks ago. But not because I wanted to, OK? I'm just tired of feeling like schmidt about this part of my life. In fact, I'm tired of all of the things that have to do with me being overweight. Seriously. I just don't care anymore.
But not caring and not paying attention have had several major downsides. One was that it freed me up to stop paying attention to what I was eating and how I was taking care of myself. It freed me up to eat like this for pretty much the last 10 years:
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| I did a whole post on the USDA "My Plate" with a couple more graphics. It's called GOOD NUTRITION CAN BITE ME. |
So [insert eye roll] whatever, I'm going to be a losing weight person for a while and see how it goes. But don't worry, I promise I'm not doing it at you. Also here's this:
It looks like I'm happy, right? I'm not.
(c) Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013
Lydia, I can soooo relate to this! I hate to admit it but sometimes I hate to hear about other people's quest to do something I AM NOT at the moment. But, I can sympathize with you as I too am about to embark on the weight thingie for the umteenth time, but I WILL be a success this time and so will you! Rooting for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteDitto this. I'm completely with both of you.
DeleteWhat they said. I too weigh what I did giving birth. Major internal struggle...Accept what is or keep up the good fight. Jury is out!
DeleteI so agree. Everyone I know seems to have taken up marathon running and vegan raw food diets and I'm just fat, getting fatter and exercising less now than ever before. You are very brave to write about how it makes you feel and I wish you all the best with your getting healthier plan (I won't say weight loss, because that is not the important part). The hardest thing to overcome is the not caring, I know, because I too may have given up caring. With all the millions of children around, I don't care that I haven't shaved my legs in weeks, let alone that I am wearing a skirt that fit me at my (once) heaviest years ago. There are days when I don't look in the mirror at all. I will attempt to care if you do!
ReplyDeleteyay. congratulations - I'm so proud of you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteWant to walk a color run with me and M on the 14th? fun fun FUN!!
https://www.livingsocial.com/deals/723306?ref=share-link-post&rpi=126358134&rui=27885983
Get it, girl! Gummy bears are awesome, but so is being able to breathe when bending over. I need to get my fat ass in gear, too.
ReplyDeletetrust me I get this.. I'm on this HORRIBLE cycle of... oh my gawd I'm XXX pounds! I have to do something about this! .... 3 months later I've lost 30 lbs and I'm feeling wonderful!... 3 more months later I have lost NOTHING else... and give up time! sick of this! it's just not working!... 6 months later I step on the scale and I've not only gained that 30 lbs back, but another 30+ on top and I freak out and start all over...
ReplyDeleteI've tried weight watchers, hated it, I've tried simply calorie counting, worked great for a while, but I would just get fed up and want that dang cheeseburger/applebee's/hacienda/something! and I figured out I needed at least one blow off day a week...I've tried the wii fit plus.. I've tried the gym...
I guess I need to stop just quitting and rotate what has worked? like okay just cut calories for a while, add in the gym.. get bored/too broke and go back to the wii... go for a walk/jog/bike ride..
but when you get to the point that you are burning more calories per day than you are consuming and still not losing weight it seems hopeless.. and the dr. says there's nothing wrong with me so that isn't an excuse...
good luck to you though! hope it continues to work for you :)
I could have written this post- check out Ali Zetner book- she is a medical doctor that weighed at one time 320 pounds while counseling people to lose weight. She has written a book for people like us( the all or nothing dieter)-
DeleteI could totally have written this. Everyone seems to be losing weight at me and I'm feeling stuck. Maybe you'll motivate me. Maybe not.
ReplyDeleteGO, YOU! There is nothing that feels better than being fit. I get all curmudgeonly when people talk about "losing weight," but wrapped in the language of feeling awesome, because you are gaining fitness, well, you will feel better. And better now than next month, or next year or next decade. Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteYou posted about it; therefore, you are losing weight *at* me. Healthy people everywhere - bah! Must everyone post on Facebook about their exercise tape, and their spinach smoothies, and their "I just ran 10 miles", and their "I am giving up processed foods because they are sooo horrible" and their "oh my triathlon time was terrible - back to the gym." I love processed foods, dagnabbit! Go vegan, go raw, go paleo, go natural... go away! I may be feeling slightly threatened and inadequate, ya think?
ReplyDeletelol Can you imagine Julie telling anyone about how she's giving up processed foods? Or how terrible her triathlon time was? I would snort soda out my nose if she did.
DeleteI heart you, Shelly. :) Exactly how I feel.
DeleteMy original commitment was to exercise without changing the way I eat - maybe just work on portion sizes. If I didn't decrease the input, at least I could increase the output. Then, after awhile, I'd think about all the work I'd done to burn that 300 calories, and decide that 2 oreos just weren't tasty enough to blow all the work I'd done. POOF, my diet changed without my thinking about it too much. Plus, I read someone who said she could diet all week if she knew she could have her Chick-fil-A, waffle fries, and lemonade on Saturday. And once you lose it, you keep exercising so you can eat whatever (within reason) you want!
ReplyDeleteAND, can you imagine how good sexy time is when you feel good about yourself? In fact, get hubby to exercise with you. You'd be amazed at what all those endorphins do for your libido. WHOA!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! My hubby and I are doing plexus or "pink drink". Its an awesome tool (heh...I said tool) and we have had success! Especially since I don't have to replace meals or anything...or count anytjing...I suck at counting....ok....I'm ok at it...but I'm bad at remembering....or I DO remember and I become all psycho hose beast about it (remember the 100 til summer challenge? Yeah, I rocked that...got down to my skinnest weight ever...and felt good....but I was insane in my membrane and hard to live with lol)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I have dieted my whole life. Slim fast, weight watchers, calorie counting, vegetarian, blah blah blah. HATE IT! Only thing that works for me is cutting carbs out (because of insulin resistance). And, because of a back injury, can't work out very much because it irritates a disc bulge that I have. Super irritating!!! I started Plexus Slim a couple month ago - thank God - only thing that has worked for me and it has changed my life (www.divasinger313.myplexusproducts.com)!! It is so irritating when I see my friends just cutting sodas out of their diet, or start walking once a week and they drop lbs. I can starve myself, exercise like crazy, and GAIN weight! Ridiculous! Good luck to you in your journey - you've got a lot of support and people rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteI could have written this. In addition to my friends who are running and eating Paleo I have two that went through bariatric surgery. Nothing like getting on the scale and thinking ...yay I lost a pound, then getting on FB and seeing "I lost 2 lbs since yesterday up to 71 over the last three months!" to kick you in the taco.
ReplyDeleteMoooo
Yes! Yes! Yes! I waited years before I did it. Then when I started I was ridiculed with the, "enough with the gym check ins" but I have lost 45 pounds and kept it off! I didn't mean to do it at anyone either! Good Luck and STAY STRONG, believe me with four teenage boys I see a lot of food I wish I could be eating I don't like how "on top of it" I have to be sometimes... but my kids love the improved me and I gotta say I like her too. Go get it girl.
ReplyDeleteI'm the exact same way. I KNOW exactly what I need to do, and how I should be eating. But I'm lazy. And I like carbs. And I'm using the excuse of living overseas and not having access to all the healthy foods back home in the US to continue eating pizza 2-3 times a week, and pasta every other night. I keep telling myself that as soon as the baby is weaned I'll work harder, but that's a lie. I wish it was as easy as a magic pill
ReplyDeleteGOOD FOR YOU! (and that's totally NOT sarcastic) You're being inspiring at me...maybe I'll, you know, do SOMETHING...
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear about your plan. I like it. I will follow along and hopefully it will rub off on me. the good way. Not choosing healthy is choosing poorly. As I tell my 7 year old, "focus buddy". Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI love the kitty litter in the background.
ReplyDeleteME too. It's one of those things that reassures me that she's still our Lydia.
DeleteIf I could write I would be writing Domestic Enemies of the Overweight Mom right now. Once on the playground while helping my child (not so much that I was helicoptering but enough that I wasn't on my phone) I glanced over and saw that I was dressed identically as the mom next to me. Black yoga pants, white t-shirt, black zip up fleece. Hair in ponytails. There were about six sizes between our clothing and it did not work out in my favor! I love this post.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I just started a diet yesterday because my 3 year-old told me I was fat. It made me cry. So at least you know someone will be suffering with you.
ReplyDeleteoh, I would sooooooooo rather drink a beer than exercise or eat right. why???? oh, why???? it's so unfair.
ReplyDeleteI hit rock bottom just over 2 years ago. I had four kids in 6 years and was heavy in the blur. When my youngest turned 1, I was deeply disgusted at how I looked in the photos from her party. I looked 4 months pregnant. And I suspected other people thought the same thing.... people that knew me would greet me and I could see their eyes dart down to my gut and I'd imagine them say "Is she pregnant AGAIN?!. Not only that but I felt like crap. And I turned 35 and decided that I was too young to look and feel so old. In June 2011 I started making positive changes. Not all at once - just a little at a time. I finally started going to the gym that I had been making "donations" to for several years. I started reading labels. I stopped eating my kids' leftovers. While I didn't start a formal program, I somewhat count calories to try and keep my portions under control. I looked up calorie counts of restaurants I frequented (did you know that the burrito size flour tortilla at chipotle is 290 calories! I switced to ordering the bowl instead). Panera is awesome for posting their calories right there on the menu. There are a lot of healthy and filling options. BUT, they don't post their bakery calories. I just about keeled over when I discovered my favorite .99 cookie I was adding to my lunch was nearly 450 calories! Little by little I made changes and lost 30lb. If I can do it, you can do it! Oh and please check out this blog - it is fantastic. http://www.skinnytaste.com/2008/03/recipe-index.html My personal favorties are the spinach lasagna rolls, pasta figole soup, and the turkey zuchinni burgers.
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you--I always knew what I was supposed to do but couldn't make myself do it either. Then when I started teetering towards diabetic land and poking myself with all those sharp, pointy little skewers of insulin every day, I kinda went "Oh, Schmidt!" and started getting my schmidt together, also on Weight Watchers. Online, though, because then I'm only accountable to my computer. I've lost over 50 lbs so far, and I'm enjoying fitting into much smaller clothes. I still want a damn cookie, though. Also? I LOVE your "real mom" plate!!
ReplyDeleteI loved the title to this, because after I read the avocado article I totally said the same thing to my friend. =) Everyone is always losing weight AT ME!
ReplyDeleteLydia you're just the darn best - at me!:))
ReplyDeleteI love your rants & I love your blog!
You're a wonderful writer & a wonderful virtual person;)
My hubby & I challenged ourselves to do a 60 day juice cleanse; we lasted 26 hardcore days of strictly juicing with big huge plans to become 90% macrobiotic when it was all said & done. After the 26 days we snapped like kids at a carnival & ate everything in sight! Clearly we find it impossible to balance ourselves healthily! We're like either ALL IN OR ALL OUT:( so annoying!
Best wishes making good healthy choices:)
CRAP. I pay my online Weight Watchers fee every month and have not used it for two months. Now I feel like I have to get back on board...I did lose 15 pounds using it, but once I was done nursing it was HARDER so I don't wanna anymore...
ReplyDeletegood on you.
and thank you for making me laugh about it.
I 2nd this!! I too have been "Off Plan" for a month now, and am working up the resolve to get back to it. I did lose 12lbs, so it worked, but it is SO much more fun to just EAT lol!
DeleteGood luck - I understand how motivation can be the hardest part. Oh, and promise me you won't eat any more baby carrots... they chlorinate them in the process of making them more orange. Definitely not healthy, and easier to ditch than exercising, trust me.
ReplyDeleteI've been cutting way back on sweet treats because it turns out sugar seems to trigger my depression, and I really do better when I avoid most desserts...and it IS sort of a "doggone it" feeling! I know it's good for me, but in a weird way I'm sort of grieving my sweets.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I say good job, and good post.
This: "I already get it. The problem is not (and has never been) not getting it. I know what I have to do. The problem is the actually doing it"
ReplyDelete+
This: I love to eat and hate to sweat
= why I look the way I do.
Sick, Tired, and Unmotivated. :-(
Do it for yourself. Last October, a group from work decided to get in shape for the Tough Mudder being held in Tahoe on 7/13/13 (you can Google the challeneges to see what we were up against)! We are all desk jockeys in varying degrees of fitness. 12 signed up but we were down to 5 by the day of. I worked out like a fiend, ate healthy, and you know what? I lost inches but almost NO POUNDS. However, over an 8 week span, I lowered my cholesterol by 114 points, just by cutting fast food and adding a salad a day. So that alone made it worthwhile. Next to giving birth, Tough Mudder was hardest thing I've done, yet so incredibly awesome. So do this for you and be proud of EVERY accomplishment. We are all proud of you.
ReplyDeleteCALL ME. I am always happy to have a walking or workout buddy. This is hard work and it is SO MUCH EASIER to do it together!!! Also, check out myfitnesspal.com -- it has helped me SO MUCH. And I love you to pieces -- at any weight. And I think you are beautiful, right now, right this minute. And I have amazing taste. So there.
ReplyDeleteGO, LYDIA!! :) Sweetie, we love you JUST the way you are, and you have to know this or your blog would not be the raging hit that it is. That said, getting healthy is a journey, it's hard sometimes, but it is indeed awesome! I've lost twenty pounds (well, thirty & regained ten and now I'm climbing back on the damn horse), and people can see it, it shows in my energy level and how long I can be on my feet, etc etc etc. I PROMISE it's worth all the sacrificing and lost gummy bears.
ReplyDelete<3 Better choices, not DIFFERENT choices... just remember, sometimes quality is a much more important decision than quantity :)
ReplyDeleteAfter baby #4, and those last 20 pounds that refused to leave the premises ( i mean, WOULD. NOT. GO. I jiggled like it was my job), I let my laziness work to my advantage and lost 15 pounds in 2 months. Here's what you do: right after a meal, brush your teeth ( and swish that awful good-for-you-bacteria-killing mouthwash, you know, the one that people can smell on your breath for blocks?). It makes you not want to eat anything else. I managed to cut out dessert ( DESSERT, for the love of pete! The the POINT of eating dinner IMHO) by doing this. I'd brush meticulously, floss, do the rinse, man they were clean and dammit I was not going to go through that whole routine again just for a friggin' cupcake. Yes I am that lazy. But, hey, 15 pounds. I mean, you still gotta tweak what's left, or maybe you don't. I haven't. Yet. Dammit.
ReplyDelete"It looks like I'm happy, right? I'm not." Oh, honey. I SOOOOO get that! I'm there myself. It's a tough place to be.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wish all the moms at our neighborhood pool would stop wearing their bikinis at me. At 5'7" and 165-ish pounds, I feel like the beached whale everyone is staring at.
Summer is the hardest time for me to lose/maintain weight. But I have a feeling I'll be WW-bound once school starts up again.
Hang in there! It took me a long time, even with WW, and I still have to work hard to maintain--it kinda sucks. But I can keep up with my kindergarten kids and my teenagers so it balances out.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry 1/4 of your diet can still be Pinot Noir while you do Weight Watchers. It worked for me!!
ReplyDeleteOr, start sneaking calories into the diets of those around you. If you can make everyone else fatter, you're thin by default. Just sayin'.....
ReplyDeleteI am worshiping you from afar right now.
DeleteLydia, i understand. i hate exercising. i hate even more that after i exercise, i feel awesome. because i never feel awesome when it's time to GO exercise. i just somehow have to remember the feeling awesome part will happen afer i do it. why can't the feeling awesome part happen when i *think* about going to the gym? then i'd be more excited about it.
ReplyDeletei joined Fitocracy, a social media site for people who work out. you log your workouts and when you have reached a certain number, you level up. and everyone can give you props for it. it's pretty awesome when you do even a minor workout and everyone just virtually high-fives you. and on there, i met an incredible woman & mom named Kellie Davis.
http://www.motherfitness.com/
she is amazing. because she took herself from being in a body with no core strength and eating poorly after her kids were born and decided to change into a powerhouse. she is the co-author of the book, Strong Curves, and every day decides to continue to live healthy. and not *at* anyone. :)
and reading her story i think "if she can go from being sad and unhealthy to being the cover model for her own fitness book, then i sure as hell can get my lazy butt into shape!" because as much as i hate to admit it, i always feel better when i've been working out - the blood flows into my brain more and i even remember why the hell i walked into this room! (gasp!!) and DAMNIT i guess this exercising thing *did* turn out to be a good thing. stupid healthy people being right... =P
maybe Kellie can be an inspiration for you too. i've actually been thinking sometime that the two of you should somehow collaborate on an awesome mom project. because you are both awesome ladies and awesome humans should know one another.