Friday, August 30, 2013

The Best Back to School Picture EVER (and a round up)

Are you ready for perhaps the most beautiful and magnificent back to school picture ever? Well here it is:

Thank you, wonderful reader, for sharing this with me on Facebook. I love it as much as the self timer photo and I also love youIf you have a photo that is also wonderful, please send it to me at or post it on the RFML Facebook wall right here, and I will be so grateful.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Vacationing with Small Children and Medium Sized Dogs

This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

i dont want your life
This guest post is written by my very dear friend whom I have never met named Johi Kokjohn-Wagner. We share a mutual blog love that makes other people feel uncomfortable but I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE. I love Johi and I don't care who knows it. 

Here's her bio: 

Johi is a writer, an illustrator, a humor blogger, a stay at home mom, a horsewoman and a photographer. She was raised on an Iowa horse ranch, where she was worked like a beefy man. Somehow, in the midst of hay lifting, manure scooping and mud boots, she developed a love of books, art, fashion and design. Johi currently resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado with her husband, their two sons, two naughty dogs, two adorable ponies and one smelly cat. She hopes, one day, to have her very own pink tractor.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

10 Ways You Know Summer is Over

Photo credit by Exsodus
I love summer this year and I don't want it to end. But then little things started creeping up on me and it has become clear that maybe it's time for summer to just be over for a while.

The biggest reason for this assertion? My kids are so sick of this house and each other that if we have have one more rainy day, I may as well set up an MMA cage match in my family room because that's what it will degenerate into by 3:00.

Another reason? The TV watching is totally out of hand. So I step in and set limits and turn it off and... First whining, then pouting, then the MMA fights start.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I F*&king Hate Holland.

Photo credit:
I read this post a couple of months ago and I was blown awayI am always looking for ways to be someone who GETS IT. Reading this helped me do that. But it also made me feel feelings: sad, angry, grateful. I want to thank the author of this post so much for allowing me to run it. It originally appeared on Special Needs Reality TV. 

There was a mother of a special needs child, Emily Perl Kingsley,  who wrote a beautiful story  about how having a child with special needs is not what was expected.  She compares it to being prepared to go to Italy and ending up in Holland. It’s all about accepting what we are given and seeing the beauty in it. But, I want it to be duly noted, that I hate Holland and the Hallmark platitudes that go with this story. I didn’t ask to go here and sometimes I am kicking and screaming through the whole tour. There are so many wonderful things written about the acceptance and gift of having a child with special needs. While all of this is true,  there is very little writing about the anger and denial of dealing with having someone who is atypical. And I’m pretty sure all of us are angry, hurt and bitter at times.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Perfect Trip

 This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

Rachael is one of my favorite people who I've never met. She's friends with Patti in real life and they hang out, which make me want to punch them both. Or lick their faces. I can't decide which. I fell in love with her  Facebook updates which are both hilarious and offensive and should be read all the time, always. Here's her bio:

Rachael Pavlik is a writer, mother and Pilates avoider. Author of the popular blog, which is beloved by tens of readers. Some she's not even related to. Her writing has been featured on Aiming Low and List Of The Day blog. She also writes for Houston Family Magazine and some say she peaked in high school. She lives in Houston, Texas with her Current Legal Spouse and two above-average children. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Sweet Valley... NO.

I have this friend Harlow Cole who is not a blog person but maybe should be. Because I could tell, just from her Facebook updates, that she's a writer. When I asked her to pretty please write a guest post the same way she writes Facebook updates, she looked at me like I was an outpatient. So I harassed her. She continued to look at me the same way. Then I gave up. 

Then she posted a Facebook update about what happened when she started rereading some of the Sweet Valley High books to see if they'd be suitable for her daughter. I called her her about 2 seconds later and I was like "WRITE THIS POST FOR ME OR I WILL HAUNT YOU AFTER I'M DEAD". So she did and here it is. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

11 Things About This Summer

It occurs to me that it's time to tell you guys some stuff that's been going on with me. I know I haven't been writing very much lately. For some reason, every summer turns into this bizarro scenario whereby I can either blog about parenting or actually parent my kids.

Unless I forgo sleep altogether (did that in the summer of 2010, wouldn't recommend it), I just can't write as much as I'd like to. Plus there's all that other stuff - you know - LIFE. It just keeps happening. So here are some of the things that have been going on with me. Some of these things are embarrassing. Others are funny. One is sad.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Domestic Enemies of the Mom Taking Kids to College

I got this email last night and I just had to run it. Sniffle. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!


Two years ago I wrote about the Domestic Enemies of the Mom with Teenagers. As time would have it my kids grew up and my youngest is headed to college this month.  I’ve discovered that this time of life has a lot in common with the preschool years.

The first day of school: Leaving your child at the first day of preschool college is heartbreaking. You take them to the new room find out where they should hang their coat and where they will take their naps. Then suddenly it is time to leave. How can you leave them? You must hug and maybe cry and turn and walk away. You realize that for that moment until you see them again you will not know what they are doing or if they are happy, sad, miserable or on top of the world.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Bumper Crop of Prejudices

 This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

Please meet Stacey, who is both delightful and attractive and apparently an excellent bowler. I love this picture of her so much because she looks like she could be one of my cousins.

Here is a little more about her: 

Stacey Hatton is a former pediatric RN, mom of two and humorist. You can read her crazy antics on her blog, Nurse Mommy Laughs or on Facebook or Twitter. She is also a featured columnist for The Kansas City Star newspaper, published in numerous parenting and health magazines, and recognized by the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop. Her humor essays can be found in her best-selling book, “I Just Want to Pee Alone” and “My Funny Major Medical.” 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

No Matter What - An Excerpt

It occurred to me that I never had a link up from here to the guest post I wrote for Glennon at Momastery. So here's a (rather large) snippet. You can read the whole (very long) post right here.

Here's the thing about Glennon, she's awesome. She's a real person and she's an incredibly talented writer and she's very brave. Because she shares the real things that I am far too chicken shit to even attempt. But I'm grateful that she's so brave, because I feel better for reading her stuff. I feel braver.

If you want to read a really great book, her memoir is brutally honest, painful, emotional, lovely and hilarious. Check it out here. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Domestic Enemies of the Single Mom by Choice

Photo credit: Stock Image
This is a really good one, you guys! Here's a little snippet about the lady who write it for us:

I'm a single mom by choice. Because facing forty, being single and unemployed wasn't enough, I opted to also become a single mom. Best.Decision.Ever.  I've got my own mini-me and have learned that sassy wit and sarcastic comebacks do come packaged in the body of an 8-1/2 year old girl. We live in the desert where try to juggle the perils of single parenting, working full-time, and home maintenance (seriously, I just installed a door lock!!). In my spare time (HA!), I am a dog walker, cat litter scooper, fish feeder, lifeguard, craft queen and have been known to shovel horseshit (literally).  My family and friends keep me sane or at least join me in the crazy and usually bring the booze.  I love my friends so much, I wrote a blog about it.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Rushers, Directioners, Duranies, OH MY!

I also love these men. Not LOVED. Love. Even Andy Taylor. 
This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

You guys know that I love Duran Duran, right? That I went to see them a couple of years ago (which feels like last week because I'm old and I can't judge time anymore. Last year was 1998, right?). So any guest post from one my beloved "Pee Alone" co-authors that mentions this band IS FREAKING IN. 

This post was written by Teri from SnarkFest, who I actually met in real life. She's super cool. Here's some more about her: 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

5 Things I Forgot About Newborns

Please note the baby doll in the corner. That's just sad.

It’s me, Guru Louise. I’m sorry I’ve been completely checked out recently…but I have a really good reason.

You know that awesome post Lydia wrote about The Sweet Spot? (That, by the way, went totally viral. So proud of her!) Well, I just had another baby four weeks ago and so I am squarely back in the The Blur. Big time. In fact, I’m so Blur-y right now I’m not even entirely sure I’m typing this in discernible English. In my head this post sounds like this: “Baby here. Leaking stuff. Hungry. Wipe butt. Vomit.”

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

10 Things I Don't Want to Hear Before 7AM

Photo credit: Keattikorn
I love to sleep. I LOVE IT. I do not like to wakey wakey eggs and bakey. So waking me up can sometimes be hard. I try and be nice when I first wake up but it's not easy. It takes a lot of effort to use my kind, nice mommy voice when really I want to snarl "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SLEEP PAST 7AM?!?!"

As we all know, the psychological difference between being woken up at 6:56 AM vs 7:01 AM is significant. Now that the kids are getting a little older, things really are getting better. But I thought I would share a few of things I have woken up to over the past couple of years. The following are all actual statements my kids have said to me before 7am in an effort to wake me up. These are the statements I remember because it was nearly impossible not to use my Mean Mommy voice.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Domestic Enemies of Grad School Mom

Photo credit: David Castillo Dominici
I got this submission ages ago and like a big DORK, I am just running it now. Many apologies to the lovely and intelligent author of this post. This one is for all those moms out there trying to go to grad school and raise a family.

Hi, I'm Raedyn, but everyone calls me Rae.  Most of the time, I live with my husband (E), my beautiful toddler son (D), and my awesome teenage step-son (L), in our big, old, falling-apart house in Wisconsin.  I was born in the South, but I was lured to the frozen tundra for graduate school, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  As of mid-February, Caan, D, and I are on a one-year assignment in India (my step-son chose to stay with his mom for the year), where I'm trying desperately to finish my degree through an unreliable internet connection and a prayer.  And here I thought being a graduate student mom in the States was hard... Like the wondrous ladies here at Rants from Mommyland, I blog about my adventures in writing, mommying, and living in a foreign country at

Thursday, August 1, 2013

I Love You, Richard Simmons.

I'm going to be completely honest right now and tell you that I love Richard Simmons. I love HIM, his enthusiasm, his total attitude and commitment to WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE IS ABOUT. I love that he wants to help people and HE CARES A LOT. I love that he gets it. You just have to listen to him to know THAT HE GETS IT. Oh my sweet baby condor, I love his outfits. I love them. The tank tops. The leggings. I love it all.

Square Pegs in the Mom-Brain

 This guest post is a part of a series featuring my amazing and hilarious co-authors of the book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". 

I love Patti from Insane in the Mom-brain so much that it hurts my heart. Many of you already know about her, because her blog is wildly popular. I was a fan of hers but then fell very deeply in fan girl love when I asked all the women who contributed to the book we wrote to send me pictures of themselves for a write-up I was doing, she sent me this.

This is her professional headshot. And this was her bio:

Patti Ford holds the title of Breakdancing Champion of The World in 1984, 1986, and 1987. In 1985 she lost her boogaloo, but with hard work and lots of head spins and body slides, she got it back in time to triumph in '86 and '87 before retiring in '88 to pursue perfection in the art of The Running Man Dance. Today she is a wife, mom, and blogger who dreams of some day owning her own miniature donkey and running a Unicorn Ranch which she will call The Ranchicorn.

She is so funny that she makes me shake silently while tears come out of my eye holes. Her Facebook updates are funnier than anything I have ever written ever. I'm hesitating right now. Because I'm scared if you start reading her Facebook wall, you won't come back and I NEED YOU AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Ok fine, go look at her updates. I'll be right here.

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