Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I F*&king Hate Holland.

Photo credit: 123RF.com
I read this post a couple of months ago and I was blown awayI am always looking for ways to be someone who GETS IT. Reading this helped me do that. But it also made me feel feelings: sad, angry, grateful. I want to thank the author of this post so much for allowing me to run it. It originally appeared on Special Needs Reality TV. 

There was a mother of a special needs child, Emily Perl Kingsley,  who wrote a beautiful story  about how having a child with special needs is not what was expected.  She compares it to being prepared to go to Italy and ending up in Holland. It’s all about accepting what we are given and seeing the beauty in it. But, I want it to be duly noted, that I hate Holland and the Hallmark platitudes that go with this story. I didn’t ask to go here and sometimes I am kicking and screaming through the whole tour. There are so many wonderful things written about the acceptance and gift of having a child with special needs. While all of this is true,  there is very little writing about the anger and denial of dealing with having someone who is atypical. And I’m pretty sure all of us are angry, hurt and bitter at times.
For instance,  I can’t stand when people brag about all their kids can do. I’m not going to tell them  to shut up but sometimes I just want to punch them in the throat.  I am still changing Darling Boy’s diaper and he’s 14. Once I got a letter from our state department of education informing me that Darling Boy tested in the lowest 1% of the lowest 1% in the standardized testing.  Nice, right?    I don’t care that you’re kid is making straight A’s.  DON’T. CARE.  
I also hate when people tell me that I’m special and God only gives you what you can handle.  I call bullshit on that.  While I have a strong relationship with God and know that he gives me the strength to handle everything, really, I don’t think he specially picked ME to deal with this.  I’m only doing what’s in my heart and soul as a mother.  I will care for and love Darling Boy forever.  I am no more special than any other mom.  And news flash,  there are plenty of kids with disabilities who are given up for adoption.  Several years ago in Philadelphia, a young girl with cerebral palsy passed away from starvation under her mom’s care.  So let’s cut the myth that special kids are given to special people.
There’s another layer to this anger that I am spewing (and it feels so goood) Darling Boy recently got a diagnosis of muscular dystrophy.   He is slowly losing physical skills which started out when he was about 18 months but  things have gotten worse in the past couple years.  He can’t always sit up and he’s having difficulty swallowing. Think of Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair.  He started off with all his physical skills and now is in a wheelchair and using a computer as his voice.  He has ALS,  a form of muscular dystrophy also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.  We don’t have a definitive diagnosis yet but it is an alphadystroglycanopathy.  Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy is a type of alphadystroglycanopathy.  That is a fatal disease.  We don’t know what this diagnosis means and if his time on earth will be shortened.  And that makes me pissed off.
So, here’s something to know about your friends who have kids with terrible things happening to them:  childhood cancer, mitochondrial disease, mental illness.  Just listen to them.  Let them rant if they need to. Please don’t say,  I don’t know how you do it because we don’t know how we do it either.  Try to give them a break, bring a dinner, babysit, take their other kids out on the town.  Bring your kids over to play and explain to them how my child just has a different way of communicating.  My friend’s daughter has Asperger’s and she can always figure out what Darling Boy is trying to communicate because she can hyperfocus on all his subtle clues.  It’s great when she visits.
And here is something that special ed teachers and doctors need to know.  If we come into a meeting demanding the world and being completely unreasonable, don’t get defensive and think we are crazy.  We are hurting and angry and sometimes we take it out on our team.  Please realize that we go through different phases in accepting the diagnosis.  And sometimes we’re just a hot mess.  Be patient and kind and don’t write us off as the crazy demanding litigious parents.  Help us to learn what our child can do, help us believe in the possible because sometimes that’s the hardest thing to do.    
Thank you for listening to my rant.

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013


  1. My best friend has a baby with Down Syndrome. She hasn't voiced any of the frustrations mentioned here, yet, but now I feel better prepared to be there for her when she does.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  2. Thank you! As a mom to 1 child with mental issues, 1 child with issues that they haven't diagnosed (borderline autistic spectrum is what they say),1 child with a chest malformation and severe migraines that can cause seizures and a baby who is partially deaf cutting teeth and starting to walk this one struck a cord. I have 4 kids I don't get a break and due to their appointments and needs I am not even able to work outside the home right now. I read Rants to get a break from my daily grind! Thank you for this post because it is SO TRUE!

  3. I am so thankful that with your voice, you chose to share this so that those who may not have otherwise heard could have a moment to step in and hear just a little bit about special needs moms. We're all different, just as our precious kids are different. We all have different needs, but we all have the same as well - to be heard, to be loved, to feel welcome and understood wherever we land.

    Love you. Thank you.

  4. I have a friend that passed away from melanoma about a year ago who's youngest was born with CHARGE syndrome, her oldest has colitis and her middle son was diagnosed with chronic bronchitis around the same time she was diagnosed with cancer. It wasn't till after we were out one night and she hugged me and said "thanks for not treating me different and just listening" that it really sunk in that just being her friend was a big deal to her. I didn't think anything of it since other friends of hers were constantly telling her that she was a God Send for her family and all the rest of that. She LOVED her kids more then life itself but she obviously had breakdowns and got mad sometimes.

    My youngest has been diagnosed with a speech delay, low muscle tone and has some issues with her coordination and instincts. I'm so grateful for my friends that just let me vent. Everyone is so damn positive all the time about how she's fine. She's not fine but she's not broken. I love her more than life itself but sometimes I just want to be mad with the lot her and I were set with!

  5. I want to hug the author of this post for saying a lot of the things I want to say to people.

    My daughter isn't profoundly disabled. But she has sensory processing disorder, which in their infinite wisdom, the heads-that-be decided isn't a "stand-alone" disorder. It isn't worthy, they say, to be in it's own category, despite research saying otherwise. So every single thing I do for her is a fight with insurance companies, school districts, even some doctors. Never mind that my daughter (who is six) will go into a complete meltdown if a toilet flushes in the public restroom while we try to take a potty stop. Never mind that some days, she won't eat at all because the feeling of food in her mouth alone will make her gag until she vomits. Never mind that she can get so overstimulated that it's like having a toddler with ADHD, on speed, literally bouncing off of walls.

    I don't know what her future holds for her. To some people, on some days, she looks normal. My own employer has said as much. "Why does she need to go to therapy? She looks normal to me." Jerks. The reason she is even able to look and act "normal" is that we get up at 6 every morning to do an hour of therapy exercises before we leave the house. And we do another thirty minutes after school, and another thirty minutes before bed. She goes to two different specialists, seeing them both every week.

    Is this what I planned when I said, "I want children?" Not at all. I see my friends whose little girls are more than content to sit and color happily for hours. They play school, they play with dolls, they don't jump off the refrigerator or spin in circles for an hour.

    F&*k Holland.

  6. I love the "Holland" writing for what it is - the bright side. I was in Italy and woke up in Holland. Over night. And I live in Italy and Holland at the same time, having one child with severe impairments and two typical children. So I don't mind people talking about their children's accomplishments. That's never going to stop, nor should you demand it to. But I also brag about my son's accomplishments to the point of silliness - "Look! He finger painted a dot!" "He smiled when I tickled him!" If you don't celebrate it, you start to hate Holland. I guess what irritates me is when parents complain about small, trivial impairments, things that will be a second thought as the child grows older - food allergies, learning delays, behavior issues. And they complain about these things as if they are severe, life altering, catastrophic issues. Just stop with that.

    You are right, though. I'm not special because I have a child with special needs. I wasn't chosen, no more than how I was chosen to be the mom of my typical kids. It's called parenting. I parent my special needs child and it looks different than how I parent my typical children. No awards needed.

    1. Wow. This article was lovely. I have deep respect and admiration for all parents and what they deal with.

      I'm happy to see that you balance you life in "Holland" and "Italy" so well. But I'm unhappy to see how you trivialize food allergies, learning delays, behavior issues.

      As the parent of children with food allergies, I can tell you first hand that there is nothing "small or trivial" about worrying incessantly if labels on food are correct, hoping that other parents at the playground washed their children's hands before letting them handle the equipment,or seeing your children sit at a different table because they aren't allow to have what everyone else is having. It's hard on the parents and even harder on the children.

      And like you, I don't need an award for parenting. But unlike you, I don't downplay other family's issues. Best wishes and I hope my post and blogs like this (http://www.scarymommy.com/ articles on the left hand column) that I read right before you stated how "trivial" allergies are remind you to be sensitive to real issues. When you have food allergies, the world is a landmine. No, it's not cancer. It's not what you've deemed a severe impairment. But it's life threatening. And these kids live it. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

    2. Recently in the news, there was a story about a young girl who was allergic to peanuts. She accidentally took a bite of a treat that she didn't know had peanut butter in it, immediately spit it out, went into anaphylactic shock, had 3 injections of epinephrine, and still died. Food allergies *are* a potentially catastrophic issue - imagine living with that fear every day.

    3. Shauna, I am right there with you--as a parent who detoured to Holland, and as until recently I had not known that I was a citizen myself all my life. For the slow to catch on--that means I am ON the spectrum, just like my son. We have many of the so-called miseries of autism. We have food allergies. We have skin allergies. We have hay fever allergies. When folks where too much perfume and I am unfortunate enough to inhale it, I easily can go into a severe asthma attack. THIS ADULT LIVES IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. I carry the gear I need. I don't focus on it; not everyone WILL understand, the world's just too big for everyone to know everything. They wear perfume, I pull out a mask and my handy dandy cache of inhalers. My son is allergic to peanuts. Need I say more?
      We carry an epi-pen. We carry benadryl. We forewarn the restaurants and we carry on. For three and a half ENTIRE years, the only breathing thing in my house that slept more than twenty hours a week was the cat.
      While my husband and I worked. Attended college. Played the role of advocate. Activist. Voice for our son's needs. While we pioneered some of the services that are now available for other children in our area.
      Is it easy? Hell no. But does it have a purpose--YES. Sometimes going through hard times is a PURPOSE in it's own, to teach us to look inside ourselves. My son's existence and my existence have a purpose. Actually, I've had a lot of purposes and am very proud of my existence, one that was shaped by the fact that my parents never complained about their troubles, but just loved me and encouraged me and I saw in their eyes not their disappointments in me but in their pride with me. I am a college graduate. I am successfully involved in my community despite my daily challenges, in helping victims of child abuse, to helping children in poverty, to helping families of ANY type of situation--autism, drug abuse, sexual abuse, mental illness--find the tools they need to navigate this world. For those who think, for one minute that the grass is greener in someone else's yard, then he shall be a fool, the victim of a long-standing myth that YOUR life is always worse than someone else's. I had some serious internal struggles all throughout my life and I am physically unhealthy.
      My son has his own set of struggles. As do you. And him. And her.
      And while EVERYONE deserves respect, understanding, and openness, it does no one any good to wallow or to be bitter about the choice that others make to be optimistic or to choose to see optimism as a threat to your unhappiness. If you are grieving still, having trouble coping, depressed--see a therapist. Get help. Get medicine. You'd do the same for us? And if it isn't working--see another. You'd do the same for us, right? Fight for the right interventions to help you get better? There is that saying--what you focus on is what you get. I get it. It is hard accepting being the minority. I know, I get it. I really do. If I chose to focus on the fact that right now my inability to function with the executive level that is expected of most folks day in/day out, I'd find myself angry too. Depressed. If I chose to focus on the fact that my son is demanding to have a birthday party at a facility two states away and NOTHING will do, then I would be miserable with the fact that God gave me a child that I just can't do anything right for. Screw that.

    4. Parenting isn't easy. It doesn't matter if the challenges come with a label or not, or if the boat isn't rocked until a car accident when your child is 19 and you lose them for good, if it comes from a medical emergency or emotional overload. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to spend it angry and to take it out on others or to focus on the can'ts. And I reiterate: If you struggle with this, then take a cue from the things you are doing for your child--see a doctor, see a therapist, get intervention. Get meds; if they don't work, find others. Use the adult version of ABA--get CBT. It is okay to have strong feelings. It is okay to have normal human emotions. It's okay to want understanding, even grace. It's another to wallow in those emotions and take out your anger on others (including your team).As I tell my son every single day: you have a choice. You can choose A or you can choose B. Every choice has a consequence.

      Parents and colleages, every choice you make hones your perception. If you choose to revel in the blessings, the blessings will become much more readily apparent. If you choose to focus on the cons, the losses, the differences, then those are what you will more readily see each time you look. These are the very things we need to teach our children to be successful but for them to successfully learn this, they need to see it modeled genuinely in US. I teach my son--an uphill battle as everyone of you know--to take responsibility for his emotions and his actions. It doesn't come naturally to him and he works very hard to be introspective towards himself. But he takes more responsibility for his own actions than so many adults I know. It's about time I share his purpose--to help others to see that we aren't a product of a label, a tragedy, a diagnosis, to make excuses from: it is to help others see that instead, we are a product of our own making; that we spend too much time not recognizing that if your child likes different things or does things differently, that it doesn't mean they have to be unhappy. How they learn to cope with understanding their place in a world of challenges is directly related to how YOU model that for them.

      Thank God my mom understood that so well.

    5. Thank you for this, Teresa. I'm in the same boat as you.

      A food allergy will never become a "second thought" because kids need to eat every day. And when some of that food could kill them, how could it ever be routine?

      The fact is all parents have highs and lows, and it does us no good to try and out-high or out-low one another. Let's listen, support, and count our own blessings without knocking someone who we think should have less to complain about than us.


    6. Teresa, I agree with your comments. Perhaps the writer does not have a loved one with food allergies. I do not find life threatening food allergies to be trivial. Children with food allergies are excluded and bullied, sometimes on a daily basis, simply because they have an allergy.

      We all have challenges as parents. I would never make any assumptions about someone else's challenges, not having walked in their shoes.

    7. Pain is not a contest. Pain is never a contest. Saying "small, trivial impairments, things that will be a second thought as the child grows older - food allergies, learning delays, behavior issues" doesn't help anyone. It's like a contest to see who can break their leg in the most gruesome manner possible. Everyone still ends up with a broken leg.

      Just stop with that.

      I am an adult who has lived with fatal drug and food allergies since the age of two. The second that becomes a second thought to me is the second I leave two children motherless. Many beloved family members are like this. The second this becomes a second thought to us is the second our lives are shattered. My children are likely to develop anaphylaxis as well--genetics are not on their side. We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop--what food will it be? Will this antibiotic they're getting cause them to stop breathing? The second this becomes a second thought is the second we end up on the news because yet another innocent, precious child died because their lungs closed off and their hearts stopped working.

      My situation; my family's situation; my children's situation is no less serious than yours, so please stop trying to make it out that way.

      Seriously, just stop with that.

      Pain is not a contest. Pain is never a contest.

  7. This is the bravest post by a mother that I have ever read. It's also an act of immeasurable GENEROSITY to all parents. To who are going through trials with their atypical kids because it gives the much-needed permission to admit that their situation sucks and that they don't love and cherish every moment. The nakedness in this post tells all parents in this situation that it's okay to not feel special and it's also okay to not be strong all the time. It's generous, too, because it explains without malice to parents of 'normal' kids that special parents are not Mother Theresas of Mary Poppinses. They are parents...humans...struggling and often resenting the experience.

    This post will stay with me for a long long time. Thank you.

  8. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CRY? I have two daughters with autism and adhd (one high functioning, one more severe), and the son we thought was neurotypical is having to learn how to cope with the diagnosis of Epilepsy after a tonic-clonic seizure in January. He's 14. FOURTEEN and this happens. SMH!

    There is always always always always some emergency or meltdown or meds issue or school issue or clothing issue or food issue or.. omh. I can't even.


    I don't care if it's 8am someone please pass me a Tbox.

  9. Bravo- as a parent to child with sever disabilities, who died at age 6, I echoed so many of those thoughts. Holland bit the big one.

  10. From the mother of one child with special needs to the mother of another, hugs. My son has developmental delays, and is walking a fine line on the Spectrum (doesn't meet every single requirement to actually be diagnosed, but close enough). I've had friends who know these things, and still look at me sideways when I mention him still being in pull-ups for nights (he'll be 5 in November). Thank you for your post!

    1. Those moms can piss off. My typical almost 6 year old (in 7 days) still wears pullups at night and soaks through them almost every night. It happens, you do your best and deal with it.

    2. Hey, I don't know if you have ever tried doubling the pullup? My Aunt told me about it when I was caring for my Mom and she would leak through her depends. I don't know why I never thought to do it but double depends saved me so much laundry. It was so wonderful not waking up to piles of soaked sheets.

  11. Thank you for this post because I feel the anger that you feel sometimes. My 5yo son has ADHD and has been on medication since his fourth birthday. The psychiatrist also thinks he might have very mild Aspergers, but doesn't meet all the criteria to be diagnosed. He would have outrageous tantrums and got expelled from 3 preschools. At home, he's fine, but at preschool he would fly off the handle. I just wanted a normal kid and sometimes he is not. He just started school two days ago and I have been terrified all Summer. I think he is on a good combination of meds and everything has been great, but I always hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

  12. The worst, to me, is being told, "He'll get there eventually." My four-year-old goes to special ed preschool AND sees a speech therapist that we pay out-of-pocket for, because he is on a three-year-old level when it comes to speech and certain other skills. While it is a huge improvement from the six-month-old level he was on at two, the fact remains that he might NEVER "get there." it's especially jarring because his preemie sister is more verbal at the adjusted age of eight months than he was at a YEAR. I kbow that people mean it as a comfort, but instead, it just feels like they're trying to ignore the issue. It frustrates me.

    1. My son also had excessive, violent tantrums. Our Dr. recommended having him examined by a child psychiatrist. He was diagnosed with (among other things)Anxiety Disorder. It took time, patience, and finally a move to a school district that LISTENED, but he is doing better. Once we learned how to help him we could teach im how to help himself. As my son enters the "tween years" we are seeing some behaviors cropping up again. The plan now is for the therapist to work with our son on how HE can help himself. Maybe our kids will never get 'there', but we can still hope and help.

  13. I connected with this post so deeply. I do not have a child of disability, my 4 children are healthy and strong. Please forgive us when we say things like; "I don't know how you do it?" We don't say it to be condescending or rude, we say it because parenting healthy, strong children is overwhelming & hard. Placing ourselves in the unknown world of scary words like "disorder" & "spectrum" is enough to send chills down any parent's spine. I am pregnant with my 5th and my only worry is; "is my baby healthy?" I KNOW that I would be absolutely shell shocked if I were told anything but. I also know the bounty of God's love & I know that your Darling Boy is far more than a "disability" or a "dis" anything! There are things on this earth that just don't make any darn sense. Sometimes the hurt that cuts us like a knife is the very same wound that grows our compassion and kindness for others. You my brave, sweet, special mother, have just grown our awareness & our compassion and ultimately our kindness. Thank you.

  14. Amen Amen AMEN.

    Xoxo + wine + a foot massage + free babysitting

  15. I have a son with severe classic autism and this post so hit home. Thankfully I've found some wonderful friends who understand I need to vent from time to time. But yes I also have to deal with the "God gave you him because he knew you could handle this". I have a child who has been to the emergency room on more then one occasion for self inflicted injuries that needed stitches. I have a child who screams bloody murder if one of his siblings gets to close to him at night. It can be hard, and having someone listen helps so much.

  16. I love the genuine emotion that you were able to share in this rant... the "rant" is the best tool any Mommy gets to keep in her tool box and I couldn't do this Mom Gig without them. I am sorry for the anger you must feel but I understand it and I think you are stonger for recognizing and accepting it and dealing with it and get "going on with the goings on"... because really? What choice do you have?
    I also really appreciate the sentiment in the Holland article. I have not been asked by life to face the challenges you have but like everyone I have my own challenges to face. I like to read both of these perspectives and realize that my reactions are normal.... somedays I am exploring Holland and thinking "this is a nice place" and sometimes I am holed up in my hotel room kicking and screaming because "I want to go to F%#@ing Italy - do you hear me?!!"
    Both pieces are real and genuine and helpful and healthy and I appreciate the strength of those who can share and help the rest of us to understand a little bit more about those around us but also maybe a little bit more about ourselves too.

  17. I love the Holland story. It got me through the worst of my pity party and shock when my daughter was diagnosed. But I also love the reality of this post. No, I'm not special. I am a mom. I love my kids. We deal with a plethora of diagnosis' in our family of 6 kids, all adopted. It is what it is and no I didn't sign up for any of it which is a whole other story about being an adoptive mom. You have kids, shit happens, you deal. And yes, we are human and we get angry about those facts. Good post.

  18. I have no experience in this particular aspect of parenting, but I went through physical disabilities with one of my children. Through that process I learned that as a whole, American Society doesn't allow for mothers to say anything but how wonderful motherhood is. If you speak your mind, and say you are having a bad day- it can be the end of the world. "What? You had a child born with physical disabilities and now you finally have him home and you are overwhelmed? Well, how can that be? You must be a bad mother." I love your post simply because it is from the heart. Honest and Raw and Real. Now if only other mothers felt like they had permission without fear of persecution... it would be a good day.

  19. I also love the Holland story and I also visit Italy along with Holland. My daughter has severe CP among other complications that come with it. I also have two nephews with autism so my sis-in-law and I can vent to each other. I don't mind friends talking about their kids accomplishments as they should, as I do. Yes it's frustrating and exhausting and of course I've asked"why me? And "did I do something to cause this?" But in the end I try to surround myself with positive people. I know this sounds very Pollyanna but I've actually had to be done with some family members because they are too scared to be around my daughter or are constantly saying negative things. Sure my daughter will never have what others girls her age do but so what? I can buy her pretty clothes ,paint her nails, do her hair. I could have just as easily had two boys and not get to indulge in anything girlie. I do wish friends would ask more how she is and if they could help in any way especially when I try to get friends together for my son's sake-I don't think they realize he doesn't have a sibling to play with. I will always love Holland! (P.s. I do hate the god gives you what you can handle speech, don't believe in god:-) )

  20. As a parent of a child with multiple severe disabilities, I did relate to some of the things written here, especially that we are no more special than any other parent and that getting a scary diagnosis plain old sucks. However, I was saddened to read that the author thinks it's okay to take her frustrations out on her child's team and they are just expected to take it. I have personally found that the better the relationship I have with my daughter's team -- one of mutual respect -- the better my daughter's experience is at school. Granted, if I was mean to her team, I don't think they'd be mean to her, but an ounce of kindness goes a long way. Maybe the author should give that a try and see if that doesn't ease some of her anger and frustration.

  21. The only thing I agree with in this post is that we are no more special than anyone else. I chose to adopt a child with severe medical issues, not knowing that along with that, we would get severe developmental issues (we knew this was a possibility, but not a definite) and severe mental health issues. So we can get overwhelmed at times and it can be hard balancing Italy (my son is 18 and an honors student) with Holland, but I am so freaking blessed to have my little Dutch girl!!!!!! Without her, my son would never be so nurturing, so loving. Without her in our lives, we would not be complete.

    Yeah, we spend more on gas for all her medical, mental health and therapy appointments in a month than we pay for a year of healthcare for the rest of us put together, but she is so, so, so worth it.

    I would never take anything out on my daughter's IEP team - they have been amazing and go above and beyond for her.

    I am sorry that the author is so angry and bitter. I am just so, so blessed to have this child in my life that i do not have time to be angry and bitter.
    Oh and my daughter will probably not live to adulthood, but we are going to enjoy the time we have. She deserves a LIFE - not just an existence - as do we all.

    1. I'm glad that you have a great team & that you're staying positive! I think the point that was made here in the Author's rant, was just that; "a rant" she's expressing that not everything in HER EXPERIENCE is coming up roses. She's conveying her inside hurt & turmoil. Perhaps she doesn't have "a great team?" The point is, rather than judging someone for telling it like it is, we should quietly LISTEN & allow her to vent her hurt, anger & frustration without the compulsive need to fix it for her. I wish you & the Author of this post blessings & love!

  22. Thank you for this post! I think the broader message is that people who are dealing with tough sh*t - whether it's the death of a loved one, a kid's health problem, whatever - need a chance to express their pain or frustration. It's cruel to be dismissive of their feelings, which is exactly what we do when we say "you were picked to be a mother to a special needs kid" or to explain that something painful was probably for the best in some way. Many of us have made these kinds of dismissive, judgmental remarks without realizing how cruel they were. Thanks to the author for bringing this to our attention so we can be kinder the next time.

    Someone taught me to respond to people venting about a painful or frustrating experience with the comment "how awful!" It works for almost any context and shows empathy without judgment. If I can complain about the super-slow cashier at Target who took FOREVER when I had a cranky baby in tow, everyone else is free to complain all they want about facing REAL frustrations. No one dismisses my feelings when I complain about Italy, so the Holland moms should feel free to join the party when Holland overwhelms them.

    Motherhood is wonderful but hard and RFM is a place to acknowledge the hard part. The Holland moms deserve to acknowledge the hard part, too.

  23. Rant away fellow mom - I heard you loud and clear. I love your brutal honesty - even if it something that some folks don't want to hear. If I knew you, lived near you - I would bring you that dinner and a big bottle of something to drink. I would hang out with your darling boy and send you and your spouse, friends, etc...out for a night of R&R.

    So vent away dear mom. Being able to get it out may help you keep it together when it's so hard.

    Hang in there sounds trite...so I send you the best possible thoughts, virtual hugs and a giant glass of your favorite drink. May the good days outweigh the bad, the laughter outweigh the tears and the knowledge that good thoughts are being sent your way help sustain you.

  24. I have a child with Cerebral Palsy who has had 29 surgeries and counting, 1 with Bipolar, 2 with Autism, and 2 with Dyspraxia, I can handle all of that because even when I am frustrated, want to cry, for them or for myself, I still get to kiss them, hold them and hear them laugh. I don't get to these things with my middle child who died of Duchenne MD on 12/12/11, he was 9 year old and just perfect to us, hold your kids, stop complaining and count your blessing, one day they could be gone and you can't go back.

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    ipad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now broken and she has 83 views.
    I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

    Check out my site ... matematik dersi




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