I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!! IT'S ART FAILS!

Guess what happened? I made a whole new website because you told me to. It's called Artfails. I took all of the amazing, inappropriate and hysterical kid art that you guys had sent me over the years and put it all in one place. Now that's it mostly done, I have to admit that I love it so, so, so much. 

The Domestic Enemies of the Active Duty Mom

You know we love military families here in Mommyland, right? Well when I got this rant, I couldn't wait to publish it. Because last year I got to work with some amazing soldiers through an organization called Final Salute. Those women rock my socks. They have fought, bled and risked everything in the course of their service. Now they dedicate their lives to helping female veterans.

So often when we talk about military families, we have a picture in our heads of the brave daddy in uniform and bad ass mommy, taking care of business at home. I LOVE THOSE FAMILIES. But missing but from our conversations about them are all of the women who put themselves in harm's way to serve our country and protect our freedom. 

It's serious business being a woman in the military, we all know that. I admire these women so much and thank them (and their families) for their service. Here are the Domestic Enemies of the Active Duty Mom...

I'm losing it. It's lost.

I have a lot going on right now and I'm trying to do too much and I'm losing it. So I made you this chart that describes why I suck at everything and can get nothing done. I wanted to write a whole post about it but I'm too stressed out and I have papers to grade and now my kids are fighting so I have to go.

Also - That purple box? The one down at the end all by itself? Yes. Pretty sure you all already know why it's at the bottom.

OHMYGOD. When was the last time I fed the dog? Wait. Where is the dog?!

I have to go. Sorry. Bye.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013

Mommyland in 1993 - A Retrospective

This is what TV moms looked like 1993.

It's a little hard for me to believe, but 1993 was 20 years ago. Let's just pause for a quick WTF moment. For you young people, I've provided some links so you can learn about our history and culture. These are the songs that were popular in 1993. These are the movies. These are the top TV shows. By the way, Friends wasn't on yet. It didn't start until 1994. 

On the one hand, it seems like yesterday to me. On the other hand, I'm struck by how totally different our lives were then. It was both simpler and more complicated because you had to deal with people. You had to make plans and keep them. The way we communicate with each other has totally changed. 

Why I Will Never Trust the Bus Stop

Guru here. By now you guys all know that I had a baby this summer. But did you also know I bought a new house? And moved into it the same week that school started? And that my two big kids both started new schools this fall? Yeah, I really like to cram as much change into one summer as possible for my kids . It's called building resilience, people. Go big or go home!

Anyway, this year my daughter gets to start riding the bus, which is a really big deal for our whole family. You see, my husband and I never took a bus to school. I walked my ass to the public school in my tiny town and he got dropped off at school by his parents. So no big, yellow school bus memories for either of us. And after two years of rotting in the kiss and ride line at preschool I was PUMPED for the bus. Free daily transportation for my kid that doesn't involve me fighting to strap in three kids and wondering if I have enough gas to wheeze my way through the school parking lot? Hells yeah, sign me up!

I am NAILING IT. Wait... Doing well. I'm doing really well.

So I've been dieting for a while now and the deal is that while I'm feeling pretty awesome, (imagine me waggling my fanny at you right now) I'm not even losing that much weight. I thought I'd give you a quick update  - not that you care, and that's cool - because it keeps me honest and it lets you know I haven't quit. So here's where I'm at:

I've finished a couple of weeks of the Couch to 5K program and you guys, it's not even that hard. And I'm totally out of shape. Or I was. Because last week I ran for ten minutes in a row like a total boss. I was red-faced and sweaty and may have looked like I was stroking out a little bit on the treadmill.  And when I got to the 10 minute mark, I threw up my hands Rocky-style and then I almost fell down but I didn't fall down because I am a champion. While I get that running for 10 minutes is a really small thing, it's also a really big thing. And seriously, if I can do it than literally anyone can. It made me feel like this:

What Happens to Lydia if You Have an Argument With Her

I hate arguing with people. I mean, I barely ever argue with anyone, I'm a grown up. I bicker with my kids and husband but that doesn't really count. On the rare occasion when I have a disagreement with another adult, I'm a total wreck. 

My nerves frizzle and I get all jumpy and snappish, like a machete-wielding sex offender in a hockey mask is about to jump out from behind a tree at any moment. I'm distracted and upset and walking this weird line between trying to hide how I feel and wanting to let it all out.

Mostly everyone in my life right now (thank you, God) is understanding and patient. And these people are all there on purpose. They know if I do something hurtful that it's not on purpose. They feel comfortable calling me out if I'm being somewhat turdish and forgive me when I behave badly. But of course, we have misunderstandings and hurt feelings sometimes. And that leads to conflict and badness and stomach aches and everything horrible.

Domestic Enemies of the Teacher Mom

I love, love, love teachers and all they do for my kids. So I was super excited when Annie sent me this post. What's it like to be a teacher *and* a mom? Let her tell you all about it:

-------------------------------------------

I think of myself as Annie, but only about six people in my life call me that.  The rest call me “Mrs. G” or “Mamamamamamamamamama!  Help!”  I spend my days raising one two-year-old and approximately 80 12-year-olds, and I spend my nights fighting crime grading papers drinking really crappy pink wine.  

10 Reasons I Both Love & Loathe Back to School (SPONSORED POST)

Thanks to Del Monte for sponsoring this post. Click here to see more of the discussion.

Photo credit: Anankkml

While I’ve loved being home with my kids this summer, I have to be honest and tell you that I was really ready for school to start. We need a regular schedule. We need structured learning. We need to stop the cycle of staying up a little too late, watching a little too much TV, and having a little too much fun. 

The last few weeks of summer make me want to cram ALL OF THE THINGS into every day.  As a result, we were the least productive members of society that you’ve ever encountered and this includes people on reality TV shows. On the The Learning Channel. 

Also, we seriously were getting dumber every day. I’m pretty sure my kids have not only forgotten, but unlearned all that they were taught last year. 

The Domestic Enemies of the Grieving Mom

Two years ago today, a little boy died named Jack Donaldson. He was swept away in a flood not far from where I live. I didn't know him or his family. But that day, when it started raining hard and then harder, I felt something that might best be described as foreboding  There was just... a great disturbance in the force.

Then I found out what happened. That this precious boy was dead. It might sound stupid but I've not been the same since. It was like a wake up call - THIS CAN HAPPEN. Your child could die. There will be no rhyme or reason and going back in time five minutes to change everything. It will be like a dream you can never wake up from. You can read all about it here on his moms's beautifully written blog An Inch of Gray. Be warned, it is very sad, haunting and incredibly well-written. It may change you, too. 

The Domestic Enemies of the Mom with ADHD

When I got the email with this guest post in it, I was very happy because I know a bunch of moms with ADD or ADHD  - and you know what? They're all pretty awesome. Here's a brief blurbitty blurb about today's special guest blogger:

"Nicole is a stay-at-home mom of two adorable children under the age of five who has a particular/involuntary affinity for that's-what-she-said "jokes".  When she is not wiping someone's nose or scrambling to make dinner, she enjoys reading, writing on her blog, and watching reruns of her favorite television shows.  Both she and her husband have ADD, making life rather chaotic most of the time and their house in varying states of disarray always."  

So I proudly present to you... The Domestic Enemies of the Mom with ADHD.

------------------------

Swype Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Remember last fall when I shared with you all the horrible things my stupid phone does to embarrass me when I try to text people? Well it still happens all the time. And not just texting. It's when I try to type ANYTHING with my phone. Because apparently, I will never learn. Also, my phone is gross and needs to get it's mind out of the gutter. 

Warning: if you're mature or an actual grown up, you probably will not be very impressed with this post. You should probably go read the Wall Street Journal right now. For everyone else, proceed.

The World's Best & Funniest Back to School Photos

Last week a truly wonderful reader sent me this picture and told me I should run it and ask other people to send in their hilarious back to school pictures. After almost 4 years of hanging out with you guys, I pretty much always do what you tell me to.

So I now proudly present some very awesome back to school pictures:

The awesome picture that started it all.