Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Domestic Enemies of the Mom with ADHD

When I got the email with this guest post in it, I was very happy because I know a bunch of moms with ADD or ADHD  - and you know what? They're all pretty awesome. Here's a brief blurbitty blurb about today's special guest blogger:

"Nicole is a stay-at-home mom of two adorable children under the age of five who has a particular/involuntary affinity for that's-what-she-said "jokes".  When she is not wiping someone's nose or scrambling to make dinner, she enjoys reading, writing on her blog, and watching reruns of her favorite television shows.  Both she and her husband have ADD, making life rather chaotic most of the time and their house in varying states of disarray always."  


So I proudly present to you... The Domestic Enemies of the Mom with ADHD.

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A lot has been said about moms with kids who have ADHD, but what about those of us who have ADHD ourselves?  We have a whole host of domestic enemies and here they are, in no particular order ...

Enemy #1: The House
Oh, what? You wanted that idyllic two-story with landscaping filled with flowers and a great yard for your kids to run around in? Great!  Guess what, that gorgeous house comes with a million little things to do. And guess what you're not good at ... keeping track and actually getting around to doing a million little things. Good luck!

Enemy #2:  Social Media
Isn't social media great? Keeping in touch with every last person you've ever met, learning the minutia of their daily lives, reading what they read, watching what they watch ... wait! Remember that house you live in and those kids you are in charge of and all that other stuff in YOUR life? You have to tend to that, too. I mean it's great to see these people doing what they do and all, but ... ooh! The girl that sat next to me in civics in 9th grade just posted a funny video of a dancing pig! MUST ...WATCH. (five hours later ...)

Enemy #3: Television
Back when we had cable, television was a clusterf**k for me.  Try watching just one show.  It's like a frickin' can of Pringles ... once you click, you can't stop.  And even now that we got rid of cable and I just watch shows online or on season compilation DVDs, it's still impossible to yank myself away from it.  Because, you see, the flip side of the deficit of attention is that often you'll go into what is called "hyperfocus". In this blissful state, someone could come in, steal everything in your entire house except the thing you're focused on, and you'd never notice.  It doesn't even have to be a good show (e.g., Battlestar Galactica ... I'm looking at you, honey); if it's on the screen, you're in a trance.

[Note: Lydia here. Is anyone else like - holy crap get out of my brain? And I do not have ADD. I think? Because wow, this is me.]


Enemy #4:  The Shower
It's probably different for everyone with ADHD, but for me the shower is a cave from which I might not return.  Maybe it's the warm water, maybe it's that I'm actually alone for a brief period of time, but for whatever reason that place is a total time suck.  Seriously, I could use all my available energy to focus on shampooing, thinking to myself, "Shampoo, shampoo, shampoo, shampoo" and the next minute I'd realize my brain is suddenly thinking, "I wonder what is going to happen on New Girl.  I love that show!  Uh, the way Nick kissed Jess ... heaven!  That look in his eyes, the smolder ..."  And I'm lost.  Twenty minutes later, pruney and defeated, I leave the shower hoping it'll be different the next day. 

Enemy #5: Broken Mental Filter
People with ADHD tend to have a difficult time thinking before they speak.  Which, in an ADHD mom's case, means that I often say things to my kids that I probably shouldn't.  For example, one day my three year-old daughter asked if Pinocchio had a big penis just like his nose.  Instead of just letting it go and pretending I didn't hear it, I asked her to repeat herself then launched into a brief speech on how nose size does not correlate to penis size, particularly in this incidence.  (Although I really should applaud myself for the answer I gave.  What I wanted to say was, "That is an AWESOME question!" and then laugh for an hour.)

(Right about here I got distracted by my kids or something.  Four weeks later ...)

(Seriously.)


Enemy #6: Projects
Look around your house.  Look at all those projects you've started and finished over the course of your life.  Okay, now take half of those projects, particularly the ones that took multiple days and/or a trip to a story to get something, and leave them half finished.  Oh, and leave them sitting around to laugh at you, mockingly, every day.  Or, do what I do and create a little unfinished project support group area in the basement under the stairs.  Don't worry, guys, I'll get to you ... someday.

Enemy #7:  Appointments (daily and otherwise)
Life necessitates an incredible amount of appointments, both social, professional, and personal.  Even dinner is kind of an appointment, one of those daily appointments that looms in front of you like a monster waiting to eat you alive.  (Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, but ...)  The thing about appointments and other such obligations, particularly those involving kiddos (e.g., school), is that you are expected to get there or produce something at a certain time or by a certain date.  People with ADHD typically have an unrealistic understanding of how much time it takes to do certain tasks, so even getting out the door can be a nightmare on the best days.  Add in two kiddos under five, who act like they have ADHD because that is the nature of kids this age, and it's a recipe for disaster.  I don't know how many times I can apologize for being late, but I'm pretty sure I'm nearing my limit. 

Enemy #8:  Well-Meant Help
Yes, I get that you want to help me. I get that you think if I remove all distraction from my life I won't have ADHD anymore. The thing is, I will. My brain searches out distraction, and when it doesn't find any it urges me to create some. Even just having forty productive things to do is enough distraction to keep me from getting any one productive thing done. And just because you helped me get all organized and tidied up that one time and things fell apart again soon after you left doesn't mean I am not trying.  


It's just that if I get one new thing, be it a piece of paper or a toy from a gumball machine, that doesn't have a "home", that thing will sit on the counter collecting more and more "homeless" items like a magnet until it becomes the mess you originally came to help me with. Those things, even just the original one, stop me in my tracks; it's like being in a corn maze and coming to a dead end and not thinking to just turn around. For some reason, my brain just doesn't want to turn around.  I'm not just leaving it there because I'm lazy or out of spite.

Enemy #9:  Medication
I would love, LOVE to take ADHD medication. I have, in fact, tried on several occasions for extended periods of time to try taking it.  One in particular worked insanely well; I felt clear-headed and got tons of stuff done and moved at a normal pace through my day. And it broke my heart to have to stop it. But stop it I did because on that medication I became a raging b*tch. My typically mild-mannered self wanted to smack anyone and everyone that got in my way; I yelled at my kids more, said spiteful things to my husband, and generally had a cloud over my head the entire time I was on that pill. And not just that pill ... every medication I tried had the same angry effect. A lot of it likely has to do with my other issues ...

Enemy # 10: Comorbidity
ADHD comes with a lovely helping of comorbid (existing simultaneously with and independently of) disorders and ailments, a few of which I was "lucky" enough to snag myself.  Anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders are commonly found in people with ADHD, and it makes life that much more difficult.  The anxiety alone is likely why I can't take any medication; stimulant meds tend to exacerbate anxiety.  And don't even get me started on the depression issue.  It's bad enough not being able to get everything done, but my brain also beats me up for not doing it.  Luckily, antidepressants don't aggravate ADHD or anxiety.  So I guess I have that going for me.
All of this sounds so much like whining, but really I just want people to understand that moms with ADHD are not trying to be a**holes by showing up late, we really want to get you that thing we said we'd get to you, and we really are trying.  It's all about understanding, right?

Read more from Nicole at: www.notperfectbutbeautifullife.blogspot.com

(c)Herding Turtles 2009 - 2013

52 comments:

  1. I could have written this almost word for word! I grew up with an ADD/ADHD brother and my son has ADD. It is during his diagnosis that it was suggested by the therapist that BOTH my husband and I likely have ADD! Our house is always in chaotic disarray, rarely is anything actually finished. I forget things all the time, sometimes it's something from awhile ago, others it can be something from 2 minutes ago (which infuriates the other half, by the way). My son and I are like oil and water. His ADD and "mine" make parenting close to impossible some days. Add to that, that we are both hot-headed, strong-minded/willed, stubborn, and opinionated, and you have a wonderful (insert sarcasm here) combination. Thank you for writing this. Truly. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes it's nice to a see a little "proof" of that knowledge.

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  2. O.M.G. So totally me!! Love this! I have ADHD and depression but not the anxiety, so I was able to take Adderall for a while and it was so, so lovely, but stimulants make my heart race. Ah stimulants, I miss you so. For a while I was a perky ball of fun who could finish a sentence, but now we're back to... Squirrel!

    Here are my two favorite parts of your post "Create a little unfinished project support group area in the basement under the stairs" and "dinner is kind of an appointment, one of those daily appointments that looms in front of you like a monster waiting to eat you alive." Genius! Can we be friends and just complain about dinner?

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  3. May I please tell you this is me. And I am so happy that someone else understands! It even broight me to tears. Thank you for writing this!

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  4. I think we share a brain! Thank you so much, I'm sharing this right now.. As I should be in the shower getting ready for a meeting that I received a text about 2 hours ago. I have less than an hour left to get ready, & get out of the house :) I am pretty sure I'll be late!

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  5. Love it! I think I may be slightly ADD after reading this. I identify with so much of it!

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  6. Oh.my.gosh! This so VALIDATED my life! Thanks for writing it!

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  7. I didn't get diagnosed with ADD until I was 38 - last year. I was lucky enough to find a med combo that helps a lot with the ADD-OCD-anxiety and let's me still be me. I am getting so much more done at work these days, but the ADD meds wear off about the time I get home and what you describe above - is SO ME! (My poor husband). Looking back, I think a lot of the kids my age were told to just try harder and focus and muddle through. I'm working with a therapist to get things lined out so I can finally get started on my Master's degree and a professional certification I need to get promoted. I've tried for it before, but just couldn't buckle down and do the studying - much less sit through an 8 hour test :o). Thanks for sharing - and Christina - WE are not alone!

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  8. Thanks! I can certainly relate. Add in a 7th and 4th grader who are "twice exceptional" (that's code for ADHD+gifted) and a Kindergartener who seems to be following in their footsteps and there is a whole lot of chaos and disorder going on in this household. Add in all of the homework to keep track of, extra curriculars, friend turmoil, transition to middle school and woosh! All of the things that parents of kids with ADHD are supposed to help their children with are the very things that are the most difficult for me -- organization, focus, procrastination, impulsiveness. The biggest frustration for me is all of the people who think that ADHD is a "made up" disorder and that in reality we are all just lazy and/or bratty. Argh. The doctor who said to me, "Well, at least you are just a stay at home mom. You don't have to worry about it impacting your job." WTF? Really? Because my children are so unimportant. I know there are others like me out there, but sometimes it is hard to remember when you are in it. So, thanks for this!

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    1. "All of the things that parents of kids with ADHD are supposed to help their children with are the very things that are the most difficult for me --" YES! I can barely keep my own shizznit together on a good day. It's so hard to try to instill these qualities in another person when I struggle to have them myself.

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    2. Me too! I get one thing a little bit organized, and the next day there's another fire to put out, then everything is in chaos again!

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    3. I know this is three years later, but this is soooo my life!!! I spent so many years wondering why other people seemed to get things so much easier than me. I finally realized I have had ADD my whole life. Things finally started to fit together. I was so embarassed to admit the way I was. Now I understand why I am the way I am. What a relief! I went into early menopause and my brain left completely... Oh me...I have 3 kids. All have varying degrees of ADD/ADHD. My middle schooler is the most. She has ADD. She is on a 504 plan. There are days when I just want to lay in bed and go to sleep. Life is so overwhelming at times. Her Science teacher just sent home a project worth 2 grades that MUST be worked on with a partner...Don't these people understand the social issues these kids struggle with? We will get it done, but inwardly I groan, while outwardly I smile and say, "Yay! You get to have a friend over everyday for the next MONTH!!!!" (Cause that's how long it's gonna take to get this wretched project done!!!) 😆 Isn't it time for a nap? When I wake up maybe the project will magically be done. Where is Mary Popping when I need her??? Oh, wait, I have 2 other kids who are in serious need of help too... I'm back to needing a nap...
      Ok, I'm done... (not really....I could go on and on and on...

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    4. I know this is three years later, but this is soooo my life!!! I spent so many years wondering why other people seemed to get things so much easier than me. I finally realized I have had ADD my whole life. Things finally started to fit together. I was so embarassed to admit the way I was. Now I understand why I am the way I am. What a relief! I went into early menopause and my brain left completely... Oh me...I have 3 kids. All have varying degrees of ADD/ADHD. My middle schooler is the most. She has ADD. She is on a 504 plan. There are days when I just want to lay in bed and go to sleep. Life is so overwhelming at times. Her Science teacher just sent home a project worth 2 grades that MUST be worked on with a partner...Don't these people understand the social issues these kids struggle with? We will get it done, but inwardly I groan, while outwardly I smile and say, "Yay! You get to have a friend over everyday for the next MONTH!!!!" (Cause that's how long it's gonna take to get this wretched project done!!!) 😆 Isn't it time for a nap? When I wake up maybe the project will magically be done. Where is Mary Popping when I need her??? Oh, wait, I have 2 other kids who are in serious need of help too... I'm back to needing a nap...
      Ok, I'm done... (not really....I could go on and on and on...

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  9. When my son was diagnosed with ADD, and I looked at the traits that formed the basis for the diagnosis, I realized that I have every single one of them, which means I identify 100% with this post. I haven't gotten a diagnosis for myself, but I do employ a lot of the strategies that we're working on with the boy. Though not now, because I'm supposed to be working, and I'm writing this comment ... cramp. Anyway, thanks for the affirmation that this stuff is just harder for some people, but we're trying the best we can.

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  10. This is amazing, so totally me. So disorganised it's not funny, mess seems to just grow in my house, never finishing jobs (and a lot of times never starting them), can space out in front of tv, computer games, books etc. losing track of time for hours on end. Talks about a lot of things with daughter, which I catch myself wondering often if they are fully appropriate (thus I have a 5 year old who seems to understand death quite well, dreams of midgets wielding swords - don't ask - and knows at least the basic outlines of where babies come from). And every appointment has to be in my computer diary with reminders up to a week before, or I won't remember it - or worse, will remember it completely wrong and try to go on the wrong day or at the wrong time. And let's not even mention the co-morbidity...

    Now if only I could get some kind of diagnosis so that people DON'T just think I'm lazy/bratty... but I'm in the UK and I think our doctors are a lot more resistant to diagnose stuff that there isn't a clear test for, or maybe it's just MY doctors, who knows :)

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  11. I have not been diagnosed with ADHD, but have frequently thought I could easily be. I've read that it's not something that develops as an adult, but that it is something that is present during childhood and sometimes not diagnosed until later. I struggle with many of these items now, but only recognize a couple of them from childhood (an ADHD diagnosis would never have been on the radar for me in the 80s because views of it were so different back then). I wonder and worry often if I should investigate further for myself, but how do I know when it might be ADHD, rather than all the feelings of chaos and overscheduled-ness and disorganization that is a part of my life as a single parent with two kids, a full time job outside the home, etc? What was the light-bulb moment for those of you who were diagnosed as an adult?

    Thank you, thank you for this post, btw!

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  12. Wow....I just, seriously, realized that I may have ADHD.....

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  13. My main problem is that my ADD tends to be cyclical. The week after my period, I am clear-headed and can focus fairly well. I actually get stuff done... but then it slowly declines back into brain fuzz until it's so bad that for a few days out of the month, I just need to sit and stare at something because my mind is like snow on a TV channel.

    I feel like two different people. The competent one and the flaky one. I've tried different birth controls (in hopes that hormone regulation would help), different antidepressants, ADD meds (made me meeeeeeeean too)... nothing seems to kick the problem during the brain fuzz times.

    It's frustrating to try to teach consistency to my children when I can't even begin to be. Sigh. Thanks for sharing your story and making me feel understood by at least some folks. :)

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    1. "my mind is like snow on a TV channel"<---YESSS. Perfect analogy!

      I am right there with you on the consistency...hard to teach it when it's practically impossible to model it. I have both ADD (undiagnosed, but obvious to me. Especially after reading this blog post!) and slight anxiety, which means I'm a basket case when things are in disarray, yet it's extremely hard for me to focus long enough to keep them from being that way. I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this!

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    2. OMF-ing G, I just spent I don't know how long writing a detailed response, son distracting all the while, finally I was defeated. While looking up trying to respond to him and correct a freaking typo at the same time--just deleted the whole damn thing. I CAN'T EVEN. Anyhow, I'm with you all, especially the cyclical, and if there's any out there suffering due to brain damage (I was hit by a car, no issues prior to accident), feel free to hit me up for knowledge swapping or just awesome pity party commisserating! ��

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    3. Yesssssssss I go through the cycles tooooo! I always have a meltdown a day or two before my period and the two weeks leading up to it gradually kill me.

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  14. Really? This is ADD/ ADHD?
    I thought this was just life. My brain works this way too- but so does everybody's... don't they?

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  15. Oh my gosh! I don't have ADHD, but except for the meds this is me! I could have written this!

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  16. Did you peek in my windows and write about my life? I know you saw that half finished sewing table, pile of cloth waiting to be made into a lovely reading tent, tutu, and comforter. The pile of wood on the living room floor waiting to learn how to become furniture because I got sucked into ana-white.com and think I can be a carpenter?

    Yikes!

    I do have one to add, though it might just be me.

    The overly perfect mom next door. You know, the one who shows up when you are knee deep in a new project wanting to chat? And it's all you can do not to tell her to get herself and her children out of your yard because you are barely holding in the frustration from the noise your own children are making? And you know that you will have to walk in the house to get the food to put on the now ready grill, but there is NO WAY you are letting her see the disaster that used to be a kitchen. I cleaned that yesterday, right? Or was that last week? And, where did those fruit flies come from? So you politely chit-chat and distract your daughter who is pestering you about that food for that grill. And the big fat scream is at the bottom of your throat.

    Then...she will usually start talking about some imperfection of another mom on the block. You know, how she had the audacity to not hand out as many playdate invitations as she did. And your wondering if the look on your face is giving you away and this mom knows you're wondering where those other three heads just grew from. Because, really, if we want to be honest, I only remember that this perfect mom exists on the same planet I do when I physically see her. Otherwise I'm way too distracted and let's not even talk about the fact that I can't for the LIFE of me remember this woman's name.

    Ah well, eventually she will get miffed that I'm not quite as perfect and find the mom without an ADHD mother at the helm to drop in on. And I'm sure my imperfections will be the highlight of many conversations. It's OK, I won't even remember they exist most days!

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  17. I totally know the feeling, everything is distracting!

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  18. I am not a mom, but this fits me to a tee. My diagnoses are Adult-Onset ADHD, Narcolepsy (since 3rd grade) and depression. Thankfully, I no longer need antidepressants but I would LOVE to be on meds for my ADHD. Unfortunately, any stimulants I have taken affect the Narcolepsy and not the ADHD, which just means I am still absent-minded, hyperfocused and have no brain-to-mouth filter, only more alert. Yay. Thankfully, my supervisor has her Master's in Social Work and understands my jacked-up brain or I'd have been fired months ago....

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  19. I am not a mom, but this fits me to a tee. My diagnoses are Adult-Onset ADHD, Narcolepsy (since 3rd grade) and depression. Thankfully, I no longer need antidepressants but I would LOVE to be on meds for my ADHD. Unfortunately, any stimulants I have taken affect the Narcolepsy and not the ADHD, which just means I am still absent-minded, hyperfocused and have no brain-to-mouth filter, only more alert. Yay. Thankfully, my supervisor has her Master's in Social Work and understands my jacked-up brain or I'd have been fired months ago....

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  20. oh ADD, you make me fun and spontaneous and terribly messy and disorganized. I have found that the more I have to create my own schedule and one for my toddler and preschooler (oh what? I can't even make my own and I'm supposed to have some sort of routine for them?? whats a routine again?) the more deep in ADD madness I get. throw in there a perfectionist, highly functioning alcoholic holding me to impossibly high standards and leaving me to do all of this on my own and finding ways to blame me for everything, and, well I struggle on the best of days. NEVER come over unannounced unless you are one of the very few who I know and love enough to not feel horrible about the state of my house ... and even then, if I know you are coming I will be up until 1am cleaning like a mad woman with my timer to keep me on track and get the most things done. then, because it takes like two or three days to recover from that, nothing ever seems to progress. throw in there a hunger for thrift shopping and a million hobbies and total chaos is not the word for it. I could keep typing all night here but I should probably stop cause I have a million productive things to do but popcorn and tv seem to beckon. >sigh< hugs for the ADD mom! you rock sista! even when you feel so strung out you have a hard time seeing over your mess. Fly lady helps (google her if you don't know what I'm talking about. its FABULOUS!)

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  21. YES YES OMG YES! Thank you for writing this! Its so true.

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  22. Oh My Goodness! This is so my life. i have so many times said that I come from a family of ADD or ADHD with inattentiveness, but I'm the only one who is supposed to "manage" a household! The Pinocchio comment had me laughing for quite some time! Thank you!

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  23. My fiancee has ADD. Lately, his forgetfulness and tendency to start projects that he will never finish (while constantly planning new projects he will never finish) have been driving me up the WALL. This article brought me to tears; it helped me understand what might be going on in his head. (He has a hard time verbalizing it and I have an awful tendency to over analyze and talk everything to death.) This was so, so helpful. You have no idea. Thank you so much.

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  24. In addition to being able to identify with nearly everything in this post, I have the added benefit of an out of home job that requires a ridiculous amount of focus and follow up, which creates insane nonsense when I finally get home. I'm tired and moody and just want my kids to hug me and not ask for things. Yesterday I ended up watching Criminal Minds for 5 hours and threw lunch-ables at my kids when they asked for dinner, I just couldn't deal with life. Oh and I totes ignored somebody who knocked on the door, just didn't answer, cause I didn't want to.

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  25. Ok, that sounds like something I'd write. Except for the shower thing. (And the fact that I love Battlestar Galactica with a passion - the newer one at least.) And I'm not (as far as I know) ADD.

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  26. Dude. I need to get tested for ADHD. Because all of this is SO ME and I have the beautiful accompanying anxiety and depression too. FUN FUN FUN. I need to look into counseling but that would mean I'd have to find somebody (research - ugh) and then call and then make an appointment and get there and I'd be late cause I'd realize that the dishes are dirty and then the baby will poop everywhere then I'll go to change and pick up those clothes I left on the ground....

    So in short, I get it. ANd my life feels like those If you give a moose a muffin books....

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  27. Oh my. Each one of these described me, except I've never been diagnosed with ADD or taken medication for it. But seriously. Seriously.

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  28. I have not received a diagnosis - because I would have to schedule appts to talk about it - but I'm pretty sure I have ADD. I could so relate to this post and am glad that I found it. Thanks for sharing!

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  29. and i thought i was the only one like this! thank you sista!!! amen!!

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  30. YES. I just wish there were adult life counseling for this....if I had been below-average intelligence, I could have gotten a counselor. But when I asked to be tested for needing extra time on tests in high school, they gave me a goddamn IQ test, said I did better than anyone who'd ever taken it there before, and refused me extra time. As long as you're smart, you don't need help. But dammit I need some help!

    Thanks for writing this. It's nice that someone acknowledges that mommas have ADHD too.

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  31. Holy Burritos! My husband was diagnosed during his Ph.D. and I haven't been officially diagnosed (though my second grade teacher says oh my gosh, YES! - it's a long story and involves desk pianos - anyway.. ) so that makes both of us twice exceptional with low social skills... yay? Our daughter was just diagnosed and that has made me realize that our house is the biggest amount of crazy ever! Somehow I'm the organized one, my husband doesn't try, and munchkin hasn't gotten far enough along to be out of the angry at everything stage - and we're pretty sure she has the intelligence to be double exceptional too. There are days I just want to stay in the shower for hours! Everywhere I look says hire help... what world do these people live in? Sigh... if I could only find the TV remote to turn the thing off! LOL!

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  32. SO great, I love it...
    Somehow she forgot public enemy #1 tho-The Kids!
    Love them so much, but they are my Achilles' Heel.

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  34. I don't have ADHD...
    I don't have ADHD...
    I don't have ADHD...
    I don't have ADHD...
    She just wrote my life and I am now having an anxiety attack that I actually do have ADHD... Not sure why this would be so horrible, but I am in fact having an anxiety attack about it anyway

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  35. OMG the shower thing? I thought it was just me! No, its the ADHD, it just seems such an enormous task, how come other people can do it every morning without it taking all day? If I'm showering, its literally the ONLY thing I'm doing ALL day! Finding out showering everyday robs skin of precious oils was literally the best thing that happened to me, my once every three days didn't make me feel so leprous after that! TY 4 this whole post I literally can identify with every point made, and the witty clever way it is written is a wonderful reflection of the ADHD personality (that, lets face it can be a curse at times, but overall is blinding ;) )

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  36. http://bonniealford.blogspot.com/?m=1
    I'm also a struggling mother of 4 trying to keep my kids alive while running a business and having a night working cop husband. I started my blog a few months back. I'm kind of all over the place and I kind of binge blog lol. I'm loving reading what you're putting out. ;)

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  37. I just edited my post to include a backlink here :) Great article. It sounds like it has really resonated with people, too... tons of comments!

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  38. I'm 55 and five years ago I realized I may have ADHD when my teen daughter started looking into her own ADHD prognosis. It helped me to understand why my parents were always giving me things to keep me busy. Why cleaning day was always a horror for me because I would start little projects all over the house that wouldn't get finished. My house is always chaotic and I feel like I've failed my kids in not teaching them to clean better. I have tried the chore lists but I forget to check them. Thank you for writing this article.

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  39. Hoarding issues or is it Adhd?

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  40. It is all so true, its eerie. At least I don't feel so bad about myself anymore, since finding out there was a reason behind my thinking (or not thinking, I mean jumping, no.... reasoning) I dunno... but thanks!

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  41. A few things that bother me with having ADHD Pi is that I feel if I didn't have it I would be a lot more ahead in life. If I was medicated as a child, I feel I would have taken a different path than I have. I constantly beat myself down, because I feel as if I'm not a good enough mother... Everything you wrote, I completely relate to, and it sucks. I have 5 month old twins, an 18 month old, a 7 year old and 9 year old. I try my best, but I still know I could do better... It's like a curse have ADHD, it's not fair.. I often wonder if I would actually be successful if it wasn't for ADHD.. Its like a battle in my mind at times, I'm intelligent, I would love to go to college, but who am I kidding? I have 5 kids, and it seriously takes almost all that I have to get through the day and fight my mind to focus... I want to be so much more for my children and myself, I refuse to give up... I just keep pushing

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  42. I'm ADHD mom parenting a son with ADHD... My relationships have suffered, housework is a drag and no system ever seemed to to stick... Until recently; I began to make lists in the shower with dry erase pens and making each day of the week have specific tasks to GET STUFF DONE. It's ctaching on! We have an interesting life!

    I blog about it at: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/parent-child-adhd

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