Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Predictor: Just How Crazy Will Mommy Be?

A couple of years ago, I discovered the Halloween to Holidays Death Spiral. Then there was a crude attempt to apply it to a calendar (that no one could read). Now there's this. This is a predictive tool to help friends, children, partners and husbands figure out just how crazy the mommy in their life will be during this harrowing time.

I shouldn't say all mommies. Some mommies have their schmidt together and spend the month of December joyfully baking nut and gluten-free cookies while singing carols and stroking their children's hair.

To those women, I salute you. I commend you. And I urge you to click away now because this predictor will probably only annoy you. For everyone else, read and enjoy.

(To enlarge the image, click on it)

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013


  1. This is funny. Also, true. Also funny because it's true.

    ...eats a cookie...

    1. Oh damn... I was eating some of that Halloween candy that is still supposed to exist on the 31st.

  2. I've got all that...plus my kids have birthdays 5 days apart in November, and this year I'm adding the fact that I'm a full time college student (ground classes, not online), and trying to plan a baby shower to the list. I'm ready to give up and say F it right now.

  3. I love you. I just straight up love you.

  4. Pure genius in its raw truth. I laughed so hard, esp. at forgetting to move that friggin' elf. Oh. God. There should be an app for that. (And here's a little-known secret: those Moms who seem to have their schmidt together are also just barely hanging on. They just don't show it like the rest of us.) Thank goodness we all have you to keep us laughing through the madness.

    But all of this is coming, isn't it? Like, right now. Shit. Heading out to see just how bad it is at Target.

  5. Add in my oldest child's birthday, which is New Year's Day, and the fact that I'm working on a divorce. Happy Hanukwanzachristmaka!

  6. Oh yes. We add in 7 birthdays, car and property taxes to those months as well. And this is why I feel craz(ier than normal) during this time.

  7. Is there something higher than 5 for that third week of November because the first night of Hanukkah is the night before Thanksgiving. Yep....that's right. Turkey with a side of latkes...and presents must be wrapped. Typing that makes me crave wine. A lot of wine.

  8. Never remember to move that dam elf!! And my kids notice every day.

  9. Debate taking tree down the 4th week of December? Overachiever. The tree take down discussion begins when the last needle has hit the floor sometime in mid-January (after you find places for all the new toys that because they can no longer be hidden under the tree).

  10. I can take out December this year, but call all of November level 5, since this year is Thanksgivingikkah. That's right. ALL HOLIDAYS AT ONE TIME AT THE END OF NOVEMBER. Thanksgiving + Hanukkah.
    It'll be like a fast labor with no epidural.

  11. And every birthday in my house (plus one other relative I need to send a gift to) is between Veterans' Day and Epiphany. Joy to the world and pass the chocolate.




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