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- Return old library books/get out new library books.
- Go through all the random pieces of mail that I haven’t sorted to make sure there’s nothing urgent
- Oh right! Someone has to bring in our mail while we’re gone.
- Text the neighborhood’s most responsible teenager.
- That teenager is selfishly on a mission trip in Honduras and not available to get my mail.
- Pay all the bills.
- Return all the phone calls.
- Clean out fridge.
- Strategically plan all meals over the next 72 hours as to use up what we have in the fridge.
- Buy snacks/drinks for the road.
- Take crap out of the van and put it away.
- Actually clean van now that crap is out of it.
- We need an oil change. Can you do it? No? Fine, I'll get the oil changed.
- Fill up with gas.
- WHERE IS THE CAMERA?
- Find camera. Unable to find the thingee that charges the camera.
- Damn it. Will just take pictures with phone.
- Select DVD’s for van that will result in the least amount of whining/fighting among children.
- ARE YOU DRINKING MILK? WE NEED TO DRINK ALL THE MILK.
- Create packing list for kids so don’t end up with 2 pairs of underpants, a princess dress, and no socks like last time. Print lists.
- (2 months out) Reserve spot for dog at kennel
- (2 weeks out) Take dog to vet because needs Bordetella and something called “a fecal”.
- (1 week out) discover that dog has yeast infection in his left ear.
- Buy expensive dog ear medication.
- Call kennel to ask if they can do the dog’s ear medication.
- Try and find a new kennel.
- Kennel places laugh at me because next week?
- Agree to pay the original kennel more than the cost of our hotel to give my stupid dog medicine for his stupid yeast infection.
- Have minor stress-fueled conniption in the van driving to Target.
- OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE. It’s tax free weekend. Buy school supplies at Target.
- Didn’t bring printed class supply lists because didn’t remember it was tax free weekend.
- Download three lists onto phone. Toggle between them to buy the crazy stuff on the lists.
- You know what, school supply list? YOU ARE DRUNK. You ask for black Paper Mate felt tips and you’ll get what they have.
- Buy mini-wine boxes - these things should come with straws, that’s a design flaw.
- Between paying bills and kennel and school shopping become aware that we can no longer afford this vacation.
- Finish the last of 17 loads of laundry.
- Realize that none of the 17 loads of laundry have been folded.
- I’M SORRY YOU CAN’T FIND YOUR KINDLE CHARGER BUT I’M BUSY FOLDING YOUR SISTER’S UNDERPANTS RIGHT NOW.
- Oh shit. I forgot about the hamsters. How long can they go without food?
- Text the neighborhood’s second most responsible teenager to get mail, feed hamsters.
- No response.
- I forgot to confirm our hotel reservations. Have panic attack that I only imagined making reservations because was watching House Hunters International at the time and got distracted.
- Find email with confirmation numbers and print out.
- Google directions and print those out, too.
- Pack gallon size ziploc with children's acetaminophen, ibuprofen, anti-histamine, band aids, thermometer, etc because if we don't have it we will totally need it and if we do have it we probably won't.
- Text teenager and offer more money. They can do it!
- Set up time to go over everything with them.
- Create list of contact numbers for us, what they need to do, etc.
- Print list.
- Printer not working.
- Scream F-word loud enough for neighbors to hear.
- Unload dishwasher.
- Water all the plants.
- Make dinner (sliced tomatoes, grilled cheese sandwiches, 3 days old corn casserole, hot dogs and cream cheese-filled celery sticks. And milk.)
- Pack own suitcase.
- Pack snacks into large utility tote.
- Call neighbor to see if she wants the food we couldn't finish. Bag up and walk over to her house because WE DO NOT WASTE FOOD.
- Double check everyone’s suitcase.
- Charge devices.
- Have tedious conversation about whether or not to bring the pack and play. Is useful but takes up so much room.
- Have essentially the exact same conversation about the stroller.
- Take a moment to breathe deeply so as not to be a huge bitch to entire family for no good reason.
- Pack van.
- Take out all the trash in the house.
- Remind everyone to go potty.
- Get in van.
- Drive away.
- Hope that my blood pressure will go down and that this family vacation will bring us all together for some precious, happy, moments.
- Phone rings. GOD DAMN IT WE FORGOT THE DOG’S EAR MEDICINE.
- Give up and hope for the best.
(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2014
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