Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Hello, I'm Beverly Goldberg.

This is not a sponsored post. I just really love the TV show "The Goldbergs". 

Do you guys watch The Goldbergs? It's about a family in the 1980's and it's freaking hilarious. It's supposed to take place in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania outside of Philly (where I used to live!). This show is the first sitcom my entire family all really loves watching together.

While all of the characters are awesome, I would like to share with you my feeling about the mom, Beverly Goldberg, (played brilliantly by Wendy Mclendon-Covey who you might remember from Bridesmaids). She is described as "a shoulder-padded, crunchy-haired mother warrior whose top priority was always her kids. Before helicopter moms and attachment parenting, she was the original (s)mother."

Now I've always thought that I was a mean mom. I yell, I call them out on their bullshit pretty much every chance I get, and I have zero illusions about them being perfect. Beverly on the other hand, thinks her kids are literally the most special and wonderful children in that the world has ever known.

For example:

And she's always trying to get her snuggies, is overly attached to her kids (bordering on weirdness) and is constantly saying things like:

My kids watched a couple of episodes and were like: "Mom. You are JUST like her."

I was like: "WHAT?! No, I'm not. I'm super mean. And you like to hug me! And I never call you people delicious or snuggle monster. What the hell are you even talking about? Go clean the basement!"

They just rolled their eyes and it occurred to me that I do call them squishy and bubba and kitten and moo-bear and make them hug me all the time. It was an epiphany. I literally had no idea I'd been wearing "mom-goggles" and being a (s)mother until that very moment. Of course, once it hit my consciousness - I started to see it everywhere. I was just like Beverly Goldberg. How did that happen?

Like her obsession with keeping her children safe.

I'm a safety freak. If you ask my kids the following question: "What comes first?" they will always, always answer: "Safety first". You could give them Benedryl, let them fall asleep under a soft blanket, and then shake them awake yelling: "BUT WHAT COMES FIRST?!" And they will open their groggy, little eyes and croak: "Safety first" before falling back to sleep.*

*Not that I've done that. Maybe once.

And then I basically had this exact same conversation with my 9 year old about his baseball coach telling him he couldn't pitch.

And I got SUPER INDIGNANT and was all:

Let's just say that coach and I have some unfinished business. As Beverly would say:

Then last week, I used the word "hizzy" while carpooling 6th graders and almost killed my daughter from embarrassment.

And then there's shit like this. Because my son thinks that clothes (including socks) should be worn for several days in a row. I'm all: "That's disgusting, little man and it's not happening. Change your pants or I'll change them for you."

But it's not just me because last week I had lunch with a bunch of my mom-friends and we were discussing how we were like the maternal mafia, keeping watch over our kids and all their friends and one of them was like; "I found out his date to homecoming was the daughter of Eleanor's dentist and I told my son, "You see that? MOMS ARE EVERYWHERE. There's nobody you know that we don't know.""

And we all did the slow nod around the lunch table because yes. That's the truth. Multiplied by a million when they selfishly grow into teenagers. Because that's when they start going to the parties where other teenagers might drink the alcohol or participate in the marijuana or conduct the intercourses or worse and not respect that SAFETY IS THE REAL WINNER.

And of course, that's got BG written all over it.

That's the brilliance of this show. She's CrAzY but she's also every mom. At least, that's what me and the other Beverlies like to tell ourselves.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2014

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