Reluctant Whole 30 Diary Day 13

Sigh... It's a 3 gif day, you guys.

Today was "The Annual Saturday of Mandatory Girl Scout Obligations". We had a cookie booth sale and then we had World Thinking Day and then we had to meet up with friends all over town to sell and deliver cookies. But you know what today really was? Today was the day of people offering me things to eat that I can not eat. Some of the things were very easy to say no to. Others - like chocolate mousse and girl scout cookies and some sort of Korean seaweed delicacy - were not so easy. But I handled it really well. I was all like, "no thank you" firmly but with a smile.

http://giphy.com/gifs/no-thank-you-flUREDFkkoZ5m

Reluctant Whole 30 Diary Day 12

I've been up since 5:45am and I went to the gym and even though I'm a little tired, I still have energy and it's 9:00pm. Say WHAT?? That's crazy for me. Since working out early this afternoon, I've been super hungry and nibbling here and there, but making good choices. Like a champion. Like a winner. So behold, my pre-workout gif of the day:

image: http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/strt1.gif

Reluctant Whole 30 Diary - Day 11

Yet another snow day with the kids home from school!

I actually think it's easier to do this on snow days, being home with the kids, because it frees up time to cook and prep food. If I had to do all of that in the 35 minutes I usually have on Thursday nights between getting home from a dance lesson and when the kids melt down from hunger, I'd be stressed-out and snapping at people.

Honestly, I'm getting to the point where this Whole30 feels sort of freeing, rather than restrictive - I don't have to think about what I'm going to eat or if I should snack - I just know I have to eat compliant foods, I eat them, and then I move onto the next thing. Too many choices are tiring sometimes. I have fewer choices and they're all healthy and they all taste good. My only fear is messing up and having to start over. I just don't think I could handle that. I made PBJ's for my kids snack today and I almost licked some peanut butter off my finger - just out of habit. That might have been enough for some purists to say I'd have to go back to Day 1. If I do mess up, it'll be over something stupid like that.

Reluctant Whole 30 Diary Day 10

Double digits, y'all! DAY 10!

I didn't feel awesome today for a couple of reasons that actually had nothing to do with Whole 30:

1. I ate too many macadamias last night and they made my stomach hurt.
2. Some stressful shit happened early this morning and as soon as I was alone, I cried in my car like big dumb baby and I got a headache afterward. Am I the only person in the world who gets "I cried too hard" headaches? 
3. I worked out like a beast this afternoon. That is defined as me walking and running on the treadmill at a brisk 17 minute mile pace for 45 minutes. Then I came home and my legs fell off. Then I suddenly realized I was ravenously hungry, so I ate this coconut milk/chia seed/organic raisin thing that almost tasted like pudding (because I haven't had actual delicious sugar in ten whole, entire days). And I ate too much of it and then it happened - my blood sugar went from too low to high and I felt all yucky and draggy.

Reluctant Whole 30 Diary - Day 9

I am so, so, so tired right now because I've been going non-stop since very early this morning. Then this evening when I should have had some down time, I spent 3 hours prepping and cooking stuff from a huge Costco run this afternoon where I found... wait for it... COMPLIANT BACON!

I was literally this woman at the Fairfax Costco at 1:45pm today and I wasn't even embarrassed. Dig it, you guys:

image: http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/mom-moves.gif

Reluctant Whole30 - What You Should Know About The First Week

Hi friends! Hi and waving! Julie here. Trying to wrap my head around doing this Whole 30 thing when I'm not sure I even want to. My ol' buddy Guru is starting next week, so I'm writing this week one wrap-up for her so she knows what to expect.

There's another reason I'm writing it. Guru told me that the one reason she now feels ready to do this is because I'm doing it and I'm not some healthy, cross-fitting, marathon-running person who is good at being an adult. I am a jackass and a very normal, part-time working, mostly stay-at-home mom who doesn't really take care of myself. And I got through the first week fairly easily.

Reluctant Whole 30 Diary - DAY 8

Today starts week 2! If you want to read about week 1, click here. That post had all 7 days in it and it got a little long and unwieldy so I'm posting day by day now.

So there's some good news about Day 8! I didn't feel hungover and my desire to cram food in my piehole was... minimal. I got hungry and I ate. I stuck to three meals with (almost) no snacks. I slept really well and the bizarro dreams (while still there) were not intrusive. I woke up feeling good.

I had steady energy all day, enough in fact, to go for a nice long walk with the Brady dog. His idea of a nice walk was to leap in and out of snow drifts and drag me onto patches of black ice and watch me almost fall to my death. I was THISCLOSE to breaking a hip and not being found till morning. I love that dog but good Lord, he's a pain in the ass in the snow. He loves it too much and his exuberance is going to cause a fatal injury. By the way, I walked for 50 minutes and my stupid Fitbit was all: "You only walked 3,500 steps all day. Ha ha."

Lessons from a Pre-Blizzard Grocery Basket

Image: Market Basket by Suet Eman from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We had another snow storm yesterday and it kind of hit our area by surprise. It's been a week filled with snow and cold, with schools being closed 4 out of 5 days. The kids are starting to get crabby and cabin-fevery. [Editors' note: I live in Boston. You don't know cabin fever, woman. -Guru Louise] While I love snow, I had mixed feelings about this surprise storm. I'm a week into an austerity diet that is taking over my life.

The diet makes being snowed in with my kids (as they eat Girl Scout cookies and drink cocoa while snuggled next to me on the sofa) a lot less fun. I was also stressing out about driving on icy roads and what if we lose power and my husband is still freaking out of town and GOOD LORD WHY DID I PICK NOW TO STOP DRINKING??

Brutally Honest Whole30 Diary Week One

Whole30 Day 0:

Later this week, I'm starting a diet/nutrition/sadness program called Whole30. Where you eat nothing but strict Paleo, clean food for 30 days. No sugar, no dairy, no wine, no joy.

I don't want to do this and everyone says it's really hard even when you're totally committed (but it's worth it and you learn a lot). Here's the deal, I'm doing this because I feel like shit all the time. I'm insulin-resistant due to having PCOS. I'm always tired no matter how much sleep I get. My weight sucks and feels totally out of control.

So will it be hard? I'm sure it will be. But feeling like garbage all the time is hard, too. At this point I'd rather be hungry and never eat cheese again than continue to feel like this.

So let's see how this goes. Right now I'm reading the book "It Starts With Food: Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life in Unexpected Ways" (affiliate link) which is supposed to be step one of this thing. It's an easy read so far and it all makes sense and everything.

My friend E is about to do this for the third time and she's being extremely helpful and encouraging. The joke is on her though, because she has no idea how grouchy and overly-dependent my shit is about to get. I also reached out to Guru, who just bought the book, and she sent me a text that said: "I look forward to changing my life in unexpected ways with you." ((snort)) She's such a smartass.

Proposed Titles & Concepts for Barbie Movies

This one is Mini's favorite. It's not my favorite.
(image from Amazon.com)

My husband, the attractive yet curmudgeonly Cap'n Coupon, took the kids and I out to dinner and for some reason, we all started talking about Barbie movies. Mini loves them and we have about a million of them on DVD from when Lina was little. 

I hate to admit this. But we all have our favorite Barbie movie. I like many of them in spite of myself. I don't want to, OK? But I do. The songs are often very nice. Also, there's surpassingly good voice talent in a  lot of them (Angelica Houston and Martin Short, for example). 

And it's not just me, either. Once long ago when people still went to BlockBuster on Fridays and that dictated how happy their weekends would be, I went to rent something. Standing in front of me was an enormous biker in head-to-toe black leather with a large, faded out neck tattoo. In one hand was his skull helmet and in the other was a copy of "Barbie in Swan Lake". 

He caught me looking at it and shrugged. Then he said: "My 4 year old loves it and honestly, it's not that bad!" and I was like: "Oh I know. I like that one. Have you seen Barbie in the Princess and the Pauper? That's also good." And we chatted about Barbie movies for the duration of our wait in line and it was lovely moment.

Valentines for the Real World

(Originally published 2/1/2/13) 

Last night I went to Target and I got distracted by the card section. I decided to buy my beloved Cap'n Coupon a nice Valentine. But I could not find one - not one - that I even remotely liked. And then I made the mistake of looking at how much they cost.

HOLY MOTHER OF GANDALF. When did greeting cards start costing upwards of $5? If I bought my husband a $6 greeting card he would be like: "What are you doing? Are you trying to upset me? Why don't you just write 'Happy Valentine's Day' on a $5 bill and then throw it away?"

So I decided to come up with a series of Valentine's Day Cards for the real world. The Cap'n even helped me a little.

Some things to Remember When Grown Ups Let You Down

We know a couple of families who are going through divorces right now. No matter how well it's handled, it's hard on everyone. Sometimes both parents are amazing and do everything right. Sometimes it's a total poop show on both sides. Sometimes we're tempted to pick sides and declare a good guy and a bad guy. When you're a kid, those distinctions are horrible because both sides are literally a part of you. Pick a bad guy and suddenly all the parts of you that come from that parent feel... bad? At least, they feel confusing.

Since this seems to be the year of me having difficult conversations with my kids, I thought I would share a few things with our collective brood(s) of children about my experiences as the product of divorce. Really though, this is for any kid who is currently reaching the conclusion that one (or both) of their parents are not the people they thought they were and perhaps more importantly, are not the people that they need them to be.

I Have Said All These Things in The Past Two Hours Because Today Is Not My Best Day

Today is not my best day. I'm super tired which means I'm also grouchy. I'm slightly resentful that I have picked up the same Littlest Pet Shop toy at least five times. I love my kids so much but I need their help and I'm not getting it. Today is icy and cold and grey and they would rather stay in jammies and play or watch TV or snuggle up on the couch and mess around on the iPad. Guess what, hot shots?! ME TOO. But instead I get to pick up hundreds of crusty, inside-out kid socks and thousands of hair elastics and then unload the dishwasher.