Monday, February 2, 2015

I Have Said All These Things in The Past Two Hours Because Today Is Not My Best Day

Today is not my best day. I'm super tired which means I'm also grouchy. I'm slightly resentful that I have picked up the same Littlest Pet Shop toy at least five times. I love my kids so much but I need their help and I'm not getting it. Today is icy and cold and grey and they would rather stay in jammies and play or watch TV or snuggle up on the couch and mess around on the iPad. Guess what, hot shots?! ME TOO. But instead I get to pick up hundreds of crusty, inside-out kid socks and thousands of hair elastics and then unload the dishwasher. 

Here are some of the things I've said this afternoon and I'm not proud of myself. Today is not my best day.

  • I am not your maid, so please pick that up. 
  • COME ON. Moving it from the floor to the stairs is not "picking it up". 
  • How many times should I have to ask you? One time. I should only have to ask one time.
  • Dear GOD, who pooped? When did you eat cabbage? LORD. Turn the fan on.
  • Please turn off the TV as soon as this show is over. (Five minutes later) Is the show over? WHY DID YOU START A NEW SHOW? 
  • I only used my mean voice because it's like you can't hear my nice voice.
  • WHO PUT A FULL JUICE BOX IN THE BATHROOM TRASH? (whimper) Apple juice is everywhere. I really hope it's apple juice.
  • For the love?! This is why we can never find any sharpened pencils. Because they're all under the coffee table. 
  • Did you attack your brother? Then why did he run screaming from you?
  • How is it you can ride Space Mountain in the dark but you can't be alone upstairs? 
  • Either you pick up this room or I'll pick it up with a hefty bag.
  • What do you mean you want to take a break? YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
  • You're not hungry, you're bored. If you were hungry, you'd eat fruit. 
  • If I say that I can't hear you, then you need to come find me rather than just saying the same thing again twelve times and then getting mad. 
  • I love you, too. I'm sorry I yelled. 
  • That's a good idea. Let's listen to Uptown Funk really loud and clean it up together.

Isn't that sweet? How our awful afternoon resolved itself with the help of Bruno Mars and some thumping bass? Yes! It all worked out really well (for about forty five minutes). Because that's real life and it was just one of those days.

Today will be better, though. 

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  1. "How is it you can ride Space Mountain in the dark but you can't be alone upstairs? "

    This is totally my kid too.

  2. My kids love to talk to me from the living room while I'm in the kitchen washing dishes (water running). When I say I can't hear them, they'll just start over. I have to remind them (EVERY.TIME!) to come into the kitchen so I can hear them. Also, my youngest will be "hungry" any time we're eating something he wants. "I'm hungry!" "You literally just finished your lunch. You're not hungry, you just want some chips/cookies/yogurt. Why can't you just ask for it like normal?"

    1. My daughter did that "I'm hungry" or "Those cookies look good" thing instead of just asking for it also (she's 12 and she still does it sometimes). I started saying "Oh really?" or "They sure do" in response until she actually asked for what she wanted. Then I said "No, you can't have a cookie, dinner is in an hour" - lol ;)

  3. I feel that pain. My other favorite is 'why is there underwear between the couch cushions?! You all better be wearing chonies!' of course, that always ends in maniacal giggles and someone rushing upstairs to cover the junk. Boys DO love to freeball...

  4. If you have Amazon Prime check out the "Pop to Make you Feel Better" playlist under prime music. I've been bopping around the house all morning cleaning up. It Also, why is there always ketchup on some surface in every room? Or is that just my house?

  5. Bruno Mars. The answer is ALWAYS Bruno Mars!!

  6. I have 3 boys at home (and one daughter blissfully off at college). They are 16, 10 and 8. The oldest one winds the other two up and then they all fight ALL THE TIME.

    I think I say 'Do you need medical attention?' and 'I don't care who started it, I will END IT!' almost every day. And the offer of medical care is mostly sarcastic because they like to wail like the end of the world to get each other in trouble. I'm onto them, it doesn't work, I'm like Oprah "You get a time out, and YOU get a time out! Everyone gets a time out!"

    1. "I'm like Oprah "You get a time out, and YOU get a time out! Everyone gets a time out!"

      -- I am SO borrowing this the next time I put everyone in time out.

  7. This was my day too. Not my finest.

  8. I say all the same things. Especially about the "nice voice".

  9. I feel like 3/4 of these were excellent parenting tips....does that mean I'm a big meanie?




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