Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Whole 30 Quiz


Have you done a Whole 30? Well, I'm on Day 27 and it's been amazing. Did you learn so much about your relationship with food? Did you figure out lots of new things about yourself? I did! I learned that I love almonds but they don’t love me. Also, that I'll lose my schmidt if my husband decides to eat my left-overs for a snack WHEN DAMN IT HE CAN EAT LITERALLY ANYTHING HE WANTS ON THE PLANET SO WHY THE HELL IS HE STEALING MY FLANK STEAK??

No? Just me. Kidding. That never happened.

I decided to create a little quiz for us! So we can see all that we've learned and accomplished over the past 30 days. Please answer these questions as honestly as possible. (Note: If you lie, the admins on the unofficial Whole 30 boards will find out and then attempt to publicly shame you.)


1. So, how do you feel?!
(a) I feel incredible! I feel like I've got TIGER BLOOD. I feel like I'm on a drug and that drug is called "Paleo Charlie Sheen".
(b) I feel a lot better than I did a month ago.
(c) I feel great but if I have to eat one more bite of scrambled eggs, there is going to be an unfortunate incident.
(d) I was feeling great until I realized the stupid almond milk I've been using isn't compliant and now I have to start over so I'm actually about to angry cry. Thanks for asking.

2. About how much time each day would you estimate was spent on meal planning, shopping, prepping  cooking, eating, and cleaning up?
(a) All of the time that I wasn't asleep.
(b) Average of like one hour per meal. So... roughly three hours a day.
(c) It was hard at the beginning but by the end of the 30 days it didn't seem that bad.
(d) I can't answer this question because I need to rice some cauliflower.

3. What has been your favorite "side effect" of doing a Whole 30?
(a) I just loved the unexplained, periodic bouts of rage.
(b) I really enjoyed the urge to take an entire bottle of ibuprofen to combat the hangover headaches.
(c) The best part was having psychedelic, vivid dreams featuring people I went to high school with.
(d) I liked seeing the glazed-over expression on the faces of my friends and family as I attempted to have a detailed discussion of my Whole 30 experience with them again and again. I think we all enjoyed that!

4. How much meat would you say that you've eaten in the past few weeks?

(a) 29 pounds of animal flesh and I feel tremendous!
(b) I ate palm-sized portions of sustainable lean protein and it's none of your damn business.
(c) I just thought about it and it's an alarmingly large number and now I'm pretty concerned about my colon.
(d) I don't really care because meat is delicious.

4. Please select one of the following answers that is the most true regarding WHY you are doing the Whole 30. 
(a) I want to feel healthy and strong.
(b) My system needs a reboot.
(c) I should be eating more real food and less pre-packed garbage.
(d) My friend did this and lost a ton of weight and I would really like a smaller ass, please.

6. Did you use social media (Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram) to help you during Whole 30?
(a) Yes. My Pinterest board has 3,467 recipes that I will probably never try.
(b) Absolutely. Posing lots of questions to internet randoms seems like a better use of my time than actually reading the book.
(c) Nope. That's dumb. Meat & veggies. All I need to know.
(d) I pretty much checked the internet every five minutes for the first week.

7. Buying organic, grass-fed and cage-free proteins means that:
(a) I can feel good about everything I eat and prepare for my family!
(b) I can more easily control my portions since I can only afford 25% as much food!
(c) I will eventually have to trade in my Toyota for a rusty 10-speed that I found behind a dumpster, but that's both an environmentally and physically healthy transportation alternative!
(d) Yeah... Let's just all thank Costco for having an organic meat section.

8. What is an avocado?
(a) It's a vegetable that I think is technically a fruit. It's green on the outside and on the inside, so that's cool. You buy it in the produce section usually near the tomatoes.
(b) It makes the guacamole, which is why I always have to pay extra at Chipotle.
(c) Avocados are a special treat that I rarely buy because they're yummy but kind of expensive and have a lot of fat.
(d) What I now consume with almost every meal, even though they mock me by being rock hard and inedible for a week and then sneakily turn into brown mush the second I try to eat one. 

9. Which of the following is NOT true about Whole 30 compliant bacon? Compliant bacon...
(a) Tastes like crispy heaven.
(b) Is like an elusive unicorn, ever present but always out of sight.
(c) Is so easy to find that you never want to yell at random people in the grocery store for just buying any old bacon like it's no big thing and not even thinking about all the poor people who can't find bacon they can eat.
(d) Makes everything better.

10. How do you feel about eggs?
(a) I think humans should eat like 7 eggs per day.
(b) No, you're wrong. The correct number is 17.
(c) Humans should actually only eat eggs.
(d) I think eggs and I need a break from each other.

11. Coconut Aminos are:
(a) A brand of suntan lotion.
(b) A rock band the young people enjoy.
(c) A substitute for soy sauce that tastes nothing like soy sauce and is annoyingly hard to find.
(d) Another opportunity to buy a coconut product this month. Because really, you're not buying enough.

12. Which of the following best describes your activity level today?
(a) I'm a cross fit athlete, so...
(b) Today is a met day, tomorrow I run.
(c)  I'm doing "Couch to 5 K".
(d)  I actively did not eat cookies, so...

13. Please check the answer that best describes how you feel about eating in a restaurant during Whole 30.
(a) I did it one time and all I could taste was my own frustration.
(b) I think it's super fun to ask hundreds of questions and watch as my waiter becomes increasingly irritated with me.
(c) I really enjoy eating grilled meat with a side of vegetables sautéed in olive oil. Don't even need to see a menu. That's all there is.
(d) It's really satisfying to pay money for the one thing on the menu I didn't actually want to order.

14. How would you respond to the following smug and obnoxious statement: "Now that you can eat white potatoes on Whole 30, it's actually really easy."
(a) Say nothing. Glare with fury.
(b) Slam both hands on the table. Make deliberate eye contact. Then draw one finger slowly across your throat.
(c) Say: "Shut up, Paltrow. No one cares what you think."
(d) Begin throwing white potatoes at that person as hard as possible.

15. Making home-made mayonnaise is: 
(a) A great way to get Salmonella!
(b) Easy peasy lemon squeezy (literally) if you have an immersion blender.
(c) Against all that is right and holy.
(d) Extremely weird but I totally did it and it was surprisingly delicious!

EXTRA CREDIT BONUS QUESTION: And finally, was it all worth it?
(a) Yes.
(b) Of course it was.
(c) Absolutely.
(d) Are you kidding? It was horrible! But yes.

Scoring: No matter what you scored - if you finished a Whole 30, you win.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2015

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3 comments:

  1. This was hilarious. I love it. I wish I had the tiger blood energy... And the flank steak. I know which one I can make happen!
    -Emily L.

    ReplyDelete

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