Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Horrifying Conversations with Mini: Eggs

Last week, my Daisy girl scout troop participated in an event called “Cupcake Wars”. I should have known, given the name, that something horrifying would be said. Mini is after all (and always shall be) my precious cupcake baked by the devil. Perhaps the name was some sort of cosmic literary device - foreshadowing. A nomen omen, per se.

My older daughter’s 6th grade troop was running the event, so the young ladies in charge of coordinating and steering the little kids were all well known to Mini (as they’ve been her sister’s friends her whole life). This becomes important later.

First, let’s begin with the actual cupcake decorating portion of the evening.


Each child was given a plain cupcake, icing, fondant in different colors, and some other items/tools to create a competitive masterpiece in the allotted time. The theme of the competition was a last minute surprise (just like the show on Food Network).

The theme was… SPRING!

The Daisy scouts began icing, and molding fondant, and sweetly singing to themselves, and chatting with their friends. A few minutes into the competition, a monkey wrench was thrown! A brand new secret ingredient must be incorporated!

The secret ingredient was… TWIZZLERS!

A few minutes later, it was clear the Daisies were done. They were asked to name their creations for the judges. I surveyed their work, which varied from hot mess to quite respectable. Their names were adorable and reminiscent of what you might call a character from My Little Pony; “Rainbow Cloud”, “Birthday Flower”, etc. 

Then I got to Mini’s. Her design concept was not what I would objectively call attractive, but it had a certain something. The I read the name of her creation.

Her cupcake was entitled… Wet Branch.


Me: Wet branch?
Mini: Yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Mini: Yes.
Me: How about you...?
Mini: No.
Me: Do you maybe want to add a little something else to it? A flower or a heart or something? 
Mini: No.
Me: Are you sure? To make it pretty?
Mini: On a wet branch? (side eye) No. 
Me: Ok.
Mini: I’m done here. Let’s color.

She surveyed the other cupcakes with satisfaction as we left the competition room. I’m not sure why she looked so confident. 

Then we got to the coloring table where the littles were being supervised by the bigs. They were having a good time drawing pretend cupcakes and talking about important things like kittens and dogs. One girl mentioned that her dog slept in her bed with her, but that had taken some convincing as far as her parents were concerned.

Big Girl 1: That's nice you get to sleep with her now, though.
Big Girl 2: Well the funny thing is, our dog sleeps in my parents' bed now too. They saw they were missing out and changed their minds!
Mini: THEY WERE MAKING OUT?? 
Big Girls and everyone else within earshot: ((blink blink - shocked silence))
Big Girl 2: Not making out, missing out.
Mini: (shrugs, unconvinced) If you say so.
Me: (trying to be funny) Mini, where do you come from? 
Mini: (not looking up for her coloring) Your eggs.
Me, the Big Girls and everyone else within earshot: 

spit take

Mini: (looks at me like she's bored) You know that I come from your eggs. (Stares at me)
Me: Allrighty then.
Mini: (Loudly, so everyone can hear. While still staring at me) I come from your eggs.
Big Girl 1: Did that just happen?
Big Girl 2: Oh yes.

And that's why Cupcake Wars was horrifying and also why I can never carpool my daughter's girl scout troop ever again. The end.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2014

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11 comments:

  1. this was hilarious and the little clip of Barney & Ted was the most appropriate EVER! Well done Mini, well done.

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  2. OMG. I love these. I can't even.

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  3. lawdy, Mini is gonna be one bad-ass old lady someday =)

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  4. Coffee spit everywhere. I should know better by now! Your talks with Mini are like my talks with Piggy. Love it!

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  5. This made it obvious I was not working at my desk....thanks for that ;)

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  6. I have a play-date companion for her! Love Mini!

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  7. Thanks you for sharing Mini's horrifying moments with us. I always pull them up to read on rough teaching days to make me feel a bit better. :)

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  8. Hahaha! There is awesomeness sprinkled all over that little cupcake baked by the devil. Too much, I can't even...

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