Teens and Drinking: Talking it up or Lock it up?

A couple of weeks ago, I asked for your advice on a couple of issues related to teens and drinking. Here's what I asked:

(1) Do you make alcohol too big a deal if you lock it up? Are you creating safe boundaries or creating an irresistible temptation?(2) How do you continue the ongoing conversation about alcohol with your kids, once the temptation and/or pressure to try it actually becomes a reality?

I got some AMAZING advice and feedback from you on Facebook, Twitter & in the comments. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your thoughts with us. Let's start with whether we think parents should lock up their alcohol if they have teens at home.

What the hell is going on?

Last week I wrote about my grandmother's health crisis. It's been a challenge to process everything when absolutely nothing is certain. The uncertainty is making us all feel... Off balance. Stressed. For me, this manifests itself as a constant stomach ache. I have moments where I feel fine, where I get absorbed in my daily life and responsibilities, and then it hits me. My vision blackens around the edges. My core contracts. I feel shaky.

This is so hard because we all love her. But there is conflict. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to make sense of it. I have no idea what the hell is going on. People who are scared and in pain sometimes grasp at things that in broader context, don't make any sense. I want to yell at them for that. I also want to cut of all contact with them. I also want to comfort them and make sure they're ok. I want to run up there and take care of every last detail. I also want to pull up the drawbridge, hug my babies close, and pretend none of this is happening.

It's time to refresh my funny

Please note that this meme has nothing to do with wine.
Check out this pinterest board for more funnies.

This year, I’m working with responsibility.org as one of their #TalkEarly bloggers. The point of this partnership is to help families have ongoing conversations about drinking and alcohol. In May, they’re focusing on a campaign called #RefreshYourFunny. It’s a month-long effort to get us thinking about what we're sharing on social media - specifically, all the mommy and drinking memes. So this month, I’m not going to be sharing memes or cracking jokes about mommy juice or drinking.

Maybe this seems like a huge change for me, or maybe you’ve noticed that it’s actually been changing for some time. A couple of years ago, we ran a guest post about drinking called “The Domestic Enemies of Recovering Alcoholic Mom”.

It made me question the impact the ‘mommy juice’ jokes and memes were having on all of us across the spectrum - from social drinkers to non-drinkers to people in recovery to those actively struggling with addiction. All of a sudden, when hundreds of people would share things with me or tag me on things that were alcohol related, I was taken aback. OH MY GOD. Why do thousands of people associate me so closely with drinking and wine? Because I’m a dummy and I’ve spent the last couple of years making wine the punchline of every other joke. Once all of that clicked into place and I became aware of it, it changed my perspective.

Coming to Terms

So this week is horrible. Last week was also bad. My grandmother holds a very special place in my life and she seems to have taken a permanent turn for the worse. She is in the hospital and as of Monday, is no longer mentally competent. Death and dying seem to bring out the worst in some people and this situation is no exception. There's conflict between her family and her primary caregiver. I’ve thrown my hands up in the air, not because I just don’t care, but because there is literally nothing I can legally, physically, or emotionally do to change anything in this situation and once I accept that, I hope I'm able to calm the hell down and start to process my grief. 

She's still here but she feels lost to me. I feel a little lost myself.

Dear Mom, You're doing better than you think.

Today is the Mother's Day party that we throw every year. I am so excited and also exhausted and those things together make me really emotional. The whole point of this party is to make something useful and nice for another mom, someone who might otherwise receive nothing. These moms, by the way, are currently staying in either a domestic violence or homeless shelter with their kids. 

This party has become a yearly reminder for me that as parents, we're all in this together. It also shows me that so many of the experiences of being a mother are universal. What do we put in the gift bags? The same things we all need. Why? Because no matter where you live, your children will use your shirt as a snot rag and it will be gross. And tampons are tricky and sneaky, and hide in your purse when you need them the most, so we always need a couple of extra. We all need soap and shampoo and toothpaste (that will somehow make a huge sticky mess somewhere toothpaste has no business being). We need snacks for us and our kids, and know that our kids will always gobble up all the good ones before we can even get a nibble.