Thursday, April 14, 2016
Horrifying Conversations with Mini: Bedtime Chatting
Hello friends! It's been a while since our last installment of "Horrifying Conversations with Mini", but fear not, this one truly lives up to the name. Let's set the stage for what should have been a precious family moment. My husband, the irascible Cap'n Coupon, has been on the road for the better part of six weeks. On his first night back, he was taking his time tucking the kids into bed and visiting with them, catching up on all the stuff he missed.
I was, meanwhile, sitting on the couch playing games on my phone blissfully not tucking my kids in. Putting kids to bed is generally not my favorite 3 hours of the day. Oh, what's that? It only takes you 15 minutes? That's wonderful for you. You see, at my house no one wants to go to sleep ever. As soon as I say the word "bedtime", otherwise yawning children find themselves miraculously filled with noise-fueled energy. Everyone wants extra snuggles and attention and suddenly become hungry or thirsty or needing to read a book that is on the opposite side of the house. Did you know basic dental hygiene can take upwards of 40 minutes to complete each night? Well, it certainly can if you are 7 years old and live in my house. Bedtime is also a great opportunity to point out, for example, that a sibling is receiving more attention than they should and to cry about that. It's all very charming and soothing and filled with precious love.
So I'm downstairs tucked under a velvet-soft Costco blanket as happy as a clam while the Cap'n is upstairs taking care of Mini's bedtime. They're reading books, having fun conversations, and just very happy to be together. Then apparently, it got weird. So they started calling for me.
Cap'n Coupon: JULIE!! PLEASE COME HERE RIGHT NOW!
Me: (from downstairs) In a minute! (no intention of moving off of the couch)
Cap'n: (sounding strange) NOW! PLEASE! RIGHT AWAY!
Me: (hurrying upstairs, concerned there's a problem) What is it, you guys?
Cap'n: (perched on the edge of the bed, looking shell shocked, staring at Mini who is smiling happily) Tell Mommy... Tell her.
Mini: Daddy and I were having a conversation.
Mini: And daddy asked me about all my favorite things to see if they changed while he was gone.
Mini: So he asked me - what's your favorite food? And I said blueberry pie.
Me: (nodding) OK.
Mini: And he asked - who is your favorite singer? And I said Barry Manilow.
Me: Of course.
Mini: And he said - what is your favorite drink? And I said the blood of my enemies.
Me: (mouth open, blinking)
Cap'n: I'm very... I'm not sure I...
Mini: (shrugs, snuggles closer to her daddy) Read me a story?
With the Cap'n temporarily distracted, I quickly made my escape down the hallway to the sound of him asking confusedly: "What exactly do you guys do while I'm gone?"
I'd like to say I have no idea where that comment came from (I blame the older siblings), but let's be honest, she is who she is. This is the same kid who once made the argument that she didn't have to practice backstroke because of murder. So in case you were wondering if Mini is any different now that she is a very grown up first grader, the answer is no.
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