Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Public Display of Costco Shopping

Since you, my internet friends, seem to really enjoy it when I embarrass myself in public (like here or here), allow to me to share this precious nugget of humiliation. I have a good friend who speaks a couple of languages and she says that occasionally she gets "ESOL brain" and the words just come out wrong. That is not my problem, however, because I'm a jackass who only speaks English and apparently not that well.

So my multi-lingual friend and I were at Costco today and she very wisely was like “We should see if they have any of those skirts.”  Well of course we scampered right over to the clothes section because Costco yoga skirts are legitimately the best thing ever. 

Note: It should already be evident that my friend and I are neither "fancy" nor "fashionable" nor "cool". Anyone who gets excited about Costco skirts needs to know that about themselves. We are aware.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

40 Examples of 4th Quarter Parenting

It’s the end of the school year and I’m so done. Except I’m not done because unlike most of you lucky devils who are finishing up this week, our schools won't release the Krakken for four more weeks. 

The accumulated exhaustion from doing the exact same tasks again and again and again, combined with spring sports insanity and all of the end of year “celebrations” just becomes too much. 

In September, I was a shining example of good parenting. Now I am reduced to giving my children random slices of cheese on a torn paper towel for breakfast. I call this phenomenon Fourth Quarter Parenting. I want to be a shiny, happy, awesome mom but I just can't do it. I'm too tired. There are too many things at this stage of the school year. Sorry.

via GIPHY

As it turns out, I’m not alone. I shared a few examples of #4thQtrParenting on my Facebook page and got hundreds and hundreds of comments in response that had cracking me up. As usual, it is proven that the people who read my blog are about a million times funnier than I am.

Here are 40 examples of #4thQtrParenting:

Monday, May 8, 2017

Five Ways to Help Kids Deal with End of the Year Stress

The end of the school year is rough around these parts. Between Teacher Appreciation week, end of year celebrations, sports tournaments, and Spring concerts, I am begging for mercy by the end of May. And let us not forget that I still have work, bills to pay, and a household to manage. I feel overwhelmed trying to keep too many balls in the air. 

Sometimes the stress of everything makes me forget that it’s equally hard for my kids. They have all the social, academic, athletic, and domestic expectations they normally deal with and this time of year they also have the added pressure of lots of standardized testing. 

My three kids respond to this stress in different ways. One is an anxious worrier, one is a perfectionist, and one toughs it out until the pressure boils over and there's a massive meltdown. Not everything works for all kids obviously, but I have a couple of things in my bag of tricks to help make this time of year easier.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Flashpoints: Teens, Mental Health and Drinking


Image from Wikipedia
For the past two months, one branch of my extended family tree has been dealing with the fallout of many years of addiction and mental health problems that seem to have started in adolescence. It culminated in a crisis at the beginning of January. 

The people involved are not close to my children, but they are close to my heart. I had a choice to make when all of this blew up a few weeks ago. I could let my kids think that I was being moody and emotional for no good reason. I could make up a story resembling the truth to explain what was going on with me and why I was spending so much time on the phone and in tears. Or I could just tell them the truth.

I decided there was really only one course of action, because keeping deep, dark secrets from them feels anathema to me. Especially when there is a lot to learn from the situation. 

There are so many reasons why kids, teenagers and alcohol don't mix. We could talk about how they metabolize alcohol differently than adults. We could talk about how cognitively kids and teens are already hardwired to be impulsive and how intoxication leads to dangerous choices at worst and embarrassing ones at best. But it goes way beyond all of that when the kid who is drinking has depression or anxiety, or perhaps something more serious that hasn't yet fully materialized (bipolar, schizophrenia, a predisposition to addiction, etc.). That decision can be life altering. 

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Why is it so warm in February??

Six random outcomes related to the bizarrely warm February weather we're currently experiencing: 
(1) Children are all wearing shorts. I consider wearing shorts. My shorts have all mysteriously shrunk one size since last summer. Curious.
(2) Dogs suddenly begin to shed enough fur to make entirely new dogs, every day. Vacuum cleaner breaks.
(3) Pre-pedicure wearing of flip flops occur, also known as the "Baring of the Hooves"
(4) Laundry forgotten in washing machine grows the stink in less than one day.
(5) Restless and antsy children who want to eat all of the food (and then ask for a snack five minutes later).
(6) First time it has actually made sense to walk into Target in February and see tank tops and sandals everywhere. WHY DID I EVER DOUBT YOU, TARGET?

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2017

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Monday, February 13, 2017

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

Please note: If you ever run into me, there is a 90%
chance it will be at Target & that I will be wearing jeans
and a black shirt to hide my boob stain from my coffee.
Well, everyone, my greatest wish as a blogger has finally come true: I am getting paid to shop at Target and write about it. The timing could not have been better either, because the week that the very special and important product (Persil ProClean) became available nationwide at Target was also the week that my family got hit with the flu. 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the third most annoying thing about the stomach flu is the amount of laundry it creates. Laundry is not one of my skills as an adult human under the best of circumstances and a norovirus outbreak in my house is definitely not normal. So let’s just say I got to test Persil ProClean under some high-stakes circumstances. I’m delighted to tell you that it worked really well, which is a huge relief because I have never wanted to a sponsored post to work out more in my life.

Once someone in my house gets sick enough that we’re elevated to code yellow “sick day” status, I usually end up in one of two places - the pediatrician’s office or Target, often both. Otherwise, I can be found at home in my stretchy pants, snuggling and watching Netflix with the small invalid in question. So once I realized what was going on in my house, I made a list and headed out to get provisions. 

Here is my list:

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