Sunday, October 8, 2017

The Sunday Morning Crap Collection Process

Every Sunday morning, I do this fun thing where I walk around my house picking up random and assorted debris. Today's haul of random crap included 1 full bag of garbage, 14 hair elastics, 11 cootie catchers, 13 shoes (shouldn't this be an even number?), my good scissors, the phone charger no one will admit to moving, some crumpled up homework assignments that I'm pretty sure were due last week, and a large collection of magnets.  

Also, I'm not sure why so many crumb-filled paper plates were in the bathroom trash because does that mean they're eating in there? When and how is this occurring? And also why? JK, I don't actually want to know. 

The Sunday crap collection process also generally yields at least one full load of laundry consisting of things that I've picked up from the dining room table, the floor, the stairs, and my favorites - crammed behind the couch and underneath the coffee table. 

The cooler weather has signaled the return of the flocks of inside-out socks, which have begun their seasonal migration back to the first floor of my home. They are disgusting and I've considered many times using salad tongs to put them in the laundry basket atop the casually discarded PJ's and sweatshirts. 

This laundry collection process invariably leads to conversations like: "Mom, OMG where is my red hoody?!" to which I respond, "Look in the dryer, pretty sure it was in the Sunday crap load." We've only had this conversation every Sunday for 9 years so it makes sense to ask me this question, instead of just looking in the laundry room. 

Also! There should be about ten hairbrushes in this house yet despite a forensic sweep of the entire property, I can only put my hands on one. It's tiny and old and has been chewed on by dogs. What's so enjoyable about the whole missing hairbrush situation is the complete shitshow it causes every weekday morning when trying to get to the bus on time. 

Now we come to the most fragrant part of the Sunday crap round-up: lunches. My children each have adorable,  insulated lunch bags that have been rotting in their backpacks for the last 48 hours. You would think that one of us would remember to deal with these things on Friday, maybe just once. That's a big no. 

While I'm doing all this, I'm usually having delightful conversations with my kids where we share things with each other like how they should turn off the TV, or stop staring at their phones and do something productive. We all enjoy it so much. 

I know many families do all of the things I mentioned above while also eating a healthy breakfast and attending worship services, which requires everyone to be clean and wearing somewhat respectable clothes. Since I've never once gotten my family to church on time without at least one person crying, I salute those parents. 

My wonderful Facebook friends added over a hundred of their precious Sunday traditions to this list and you can read them right here:

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