Thursday, September 17, 2020

My dog and I are best friends and it's weird


You know how in Frozen, Kristoff and Sven are best friends and kind of co-dependent and understand each other perfectly even though one of them can't speak because he's a reindeer?
That is me & my dog Gus Miner.
Remember how Kristoff had conversations with Sven where he basically narrated Sven's inner monologue and all his responses during their conversations and did so using a very specific "Sven" voice?
That is also me & Gus Miner.
Except it was brought to my attention that I no longer do it just in the house. I do it while walking Gus and Brady in our new neighborhood, where other people can hear me.
Example:
We are on a walk and Gus sees a small dog on the other side of the street and starts to grrr and big boy bark and I tell him no. And Brady does nothing except wag his tail and be adorable because he's a good boy.
The small dog returns Gus's greeting with some grrrs of his own and Gus promptly goes batshit crazy, tearing around in circles and doing weird leaps.
It's at this point that things get blurry for me. Apparently, I start to speak OUT LOUD using the Gus voice, saying things like:
"HOW DARE YOU, SIR? Make a grrr at me. I make the grrrrs around here because I have no manners! I am jumping around like a fool because I have unresolved issues from early puppyhood trauma! Now I'm going to grab my leash in my mouth and prance around so you know I'm walking myself! Look at you being tiny and walked on a leash! HA! I hold my own leash in my own mouth!"
And then I might say something in my own voice like: "Gus, stop it right now. You're shaming the family."
And then Gus might "say" something back like: "Maybe if you took me to obedience training and gave me chicken nuggets I wouldn't act like this."
At which point the person walking the terrier mix across the street quickly reverses course and strides away from us as fast as possible.
And when I return home, one of the children comments that they were watching me from the window and it looked like I was having a conversation with myself the entire time I was walking the dogs.
So that's great.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2020


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