Is This The Right Blog For You?

Do any the following statements describe your life?
  • I have complete autonomy over how I spend my time.
  • I look in the mirror every morning and I feel GREAT.
  • My children are consistently obedient and well-behaved.
  • I am easily offended and when I hear the word "douche", I get what is commonly referred to as the vapors.
  • My house is always neat as a pin and the laundry is always done.  Including ironing.  
  • I can go to the bathroom, make a phone call, or check my email without interruption.
  • My husband always acknowledges that his work and his time are just as important as mine.
  • I have a lot of free time.  I like to spend it on-line leaving nasty comments that make other people feel like schmidt.
  • My home decor reflects my design sensibilities and is never, ever embarrassing.  Neither is it crapped up with kid stuff.
  • I have never accidentally spoken to my husband in the same tone I use to remind the children to keep their shoes OFF of the couch. NOW.
  • I have never yelled at my children.
  • I am well rested.
  • I have never accidentally taught my kids the F word.  Especially not while driving.
  • I never drink coffee. Caffeine is for the weak.
  • I have never lost my schmidt over something stupid and then gone down a shame spiral of maternal guilt.
  • I have never fed my children crap in order to get them to please for the love of Pete be quiet and leave me alone for a few minutes.
  • I have never looked at the clock and considered moving bedtime to 6:30. Failing that, I have never wondered if it was OK to start drinking before Oprah was over.
  • My children never watch television. Television is bad.
  • I have no anxiety that I am bad at being a mom and am wrecking the awesome and amazing little people that were somehow entrusted to me to care for and raise. 
  • Every single second of every single day with my perfect family is a lovely, happy blessing. Sometimes I have to chant that to myself while rocking in a fetal position.
  • In fact, I feel it is my duty to let other moms know how well I'm doing and how ideal my kids are in every single respect and just hope that they use this information to reflect on ways they can self-improve.
If the above is a pretty accurate description of your life, parenting philosophy and marriage, please do the following:
  • Thank your lucky stars. You must be very happy.
  • Consider writing a book with Paltrow and Martha called "We're Awesome and You Suck".
  • Also, you should probably find another blog.
If however, you experience the (completely understandable) urge to commit homicide when your husband says he'll be home by 7 and then you call him at 7:15 and he's still at his desk, while you attempt to cook over the din of screaming children, unload the dishwasher for the third time, and wipe off other people's bodily fluids - stay put. We like you already.

MommyLand is just right for folks who love their families but sometimes wonder:
  • Is it supposed to be this hard?*
  • Is this normal? 
  • What on earth is that smell?
  • I love you so much but do you have to keep wiping your nose on me?
  • If we laugh at everything, does it all make easier and more fun?
The answers are yes, yes, we have no idea, yes and even yesser.  Welcome to MommyLand! We're so glad you're here.

xo, Kate & Lydia

*That's what she said.

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